Tw. Tower block where I was abused to be demolished

[Chipsahoy]

I found out last night.

I was groomed as a young teen and repeatedly brutally abused in a flat within a horrible tower block. Drugs, lifts smelled of pee, late night parties, murders, stabbings etc. It was a horrific place all around.

They announced plans earlier this yr and it began but was halted due to covid. It restarted a couple of weeks ago. I've just found out, while reading about grenfell stuff. Apparently it's one of many blocks in the country to be demolished.

I don't know how to feel. Angry that no one told me, my family didn't think to tell me?
They know, they get the paper it was featured in. I don't live in that town anymore.
I have other people telling me I should be pleased, relieved, I could find some peace from it, it may even help me to visit more regularly, I'm told.

They don't get it. That this has triggered me massively and maybe it will help bring peace.. I don't know, I was raped behind a building at 17 and that's since been knocked down. It didn't help. It doesn't hinder or help now, my peace with it has come from tons of therapy not from the building going.

I am just waffling I know. I feel shell shocked. I feel alone. Like no one understands why I feel so terrible today. Should I be happy? They all seem to think so.

I've had tons of therapy and consider myself to be in recovery from CPTSD. I live happily. Well. Full of joy and hope. I am back in therapy to deal with another issue, so I know I can bring this up. I know I'll be OK. Right now though I feel alone and like no one understands.

There's no right way to feel about this It's very simplistic to assume that building gone = you feeling glad. It doesn't erase the past so there's no particular reason for it to fix anything. If anything it's more likely to just stir up your feelings, which it sounds like it is. It's rather like when someone's abuser dies and everyone else just assumes they'll be skipping in delight - they might be, but it's one of many possibilities

@TenShortStories thank you for that. Validating and understanding. Definitely agree about the abuser dying thing, expectation that you should be happy.

Bump

I have the same mixed feelings about a social club where I was sexually assaulted as a child. It's apparently going to be demolished but I'm still waiting. It's certainly stirred up feelings I had long buried.

I dont think there is a set answer as everyone is different and will react in different ways. I have found ways of coping but it can hit me unexpectedly.

Big hugs to you.

I don’t know much about these things OP, but I hope someone with more advice and expertise will be along soon.

In the meantime, you’re allowed to feel however you want- it’s not surprising that you feel unsettled. Probably those who want you to feel happy are just looking for signs that you’re okay and healing, and that (ie you being pleased) to them would be a reassuring signal. It doesn’t mean you have to think anything in particular, take your time to process your emotions. I’m glad to hear you’ve got a professional to discuss this with. Best wishes!

Thank you all.

How’re you getting on today, OP?

@Goostacean thanks so much for asking.
I took a few days away from my phone! Doing better. Nightmares have settled. Anxiety, chest pressure feeling also lifted.
It will take time to process but I think I'm OK.