Who would you turn to just now with this issue (TW sexual assault)

[howtotellsomeone]

A few years ago in a hospital I was assaulted by a doctor during a medical procedure . I was his colleague before, I’m not sure he recognised me but during an intimate exam he did things that were totally inappropriate and unnecessary, without giving graphic detail . Was witnessed by a student doctor who couldn’t stop apologising after . With support from my GP at the time I complained and got an apology and said they’d revised a lot of policies and training .

I have a lot of gynae problems, have needed a lot of surgery and stuff . I’m due invasive tests again soon .

Since that incident I struggle massively in lots of ways; physically and mentally . I need sedatives before a smear, etc .

I’ve never fully discussed it with anyone . NHS said at the time of complaining I have PTSD and need quite specialised counselling but didn’t know how to offer it .

I’m at a loss . My GP surgery will only offer an appointment if yoI write the full details of the problem on an email, and then a nurse or doctor rings . I don’t think I want that, I’d want to see someone - but don’t think that’s possible at all , for a very long time .

I’m worried about these tests as it involves being catheterised, and I won’t be able to get up or move or stop them . It’s the lying down and total loss of control I can’t cope with . I don’t think they can do the tests with Valium either as it’s checking my bladder function , so not sure what to do .

Who can I talk to just now, other than a helpline? I don’t want to tell the hospital clinic in case they don’t believe me .

How awful for you, I'm so sorry to hear that. Would you be able to take a trusted friend or family member in with you?

Hello OP, I'm really sorry to hear this happened to you and while I don't have much advice I didn't want to read and run. Do you have time and would it be possible for you to have telephone counselling? I found CBT helpful for PTSD symptoms and have a friend who is having CBT phone counselling at the moment.

If you explain to the hospital could they offer a chaperone or other help? Would that be helpful at all to you. I went through similar fears about being tethered to a monitor for induced labour but luckily didn't have to go through it.

That is absolutely awful and I don’t think it was dealt with properly at all.

What is it you want to talk about? Is it the procedure or what happened to you?

Could you possibly have an advocate who you trust in with you during the procedure?

I’m so sorry to hear about this. I wondered if you felt able to write something about trauma on the form for your doctors surgery - you don’t have to go into detail at all if you can’t or don’t want to, the main thing would be to put how you’re being affected.

I understand it feels really difficult telling the hospital clinic but again, you don’t have to give details unless you want to - could you say it’s due to past trauma, would that feel ok? I wondered if you perhaps feel able to contact the PALS dept at the hospital and ask how they can support you?

For example you might want to agree that the staff will explain everything, have a signal that means stop, have them ask before they do anything (sorry if I’m suggesting stuff that doesn’t work with your particular tests).

If there are charities in your area like Mind that could be an option for accessing therapy. And I know some private therapists may be starting face to face sessions again (purely because mine is, with ‘covid secure’ measures) so that might be an option.

Not sure if any of this is remotely helpful but also just wanted to offer a hand hold

Hi OP,

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. You have received some really good advice above.
Do you mind me asking whether you considered suing the doctor/NHS for this assault?
You received an apology but you have understandably been left with trauma since. If you received some compensation you could go for the specialised treatment you need to hopefully make your life better.

I’ve never thought of suing them no, the difficulty I suppose is I can’t prove what happened . They have admitted fault in other ways, sent me a letter that admitted to a catalogue of failures over a period of about 9-10 years . Was invited at the time to ‘debrief’ with a very senior doctor who said she was appalled, that I’d never get over it but could maybe find acceptance with the right help . The difficulty is that help has never come, I’ve never even had the correct help for the physical issue in the first place - never even had a diagnosis .

It’s that incident that sticks so clearly in my head though because I was ill at the time, they weren’t believing me and said I was exaggerating . Eventually the doctor came in, said the nurses weren’t interested in helping me so he would ... they realised eventually I was in pain for a reason/ill but never acknowledged it .

I think it’s just to talk to someone about what’s happened . Was told to talk to rape crisis before but it didn’t seem to fit .

I was offered psychosexual therapy on the nhs a couple of years ago but it was with a man and incredibly uncomfortable , I never went back. The NHS gave me an appointment with a doctor who said she had some training in psychosexual therapy too but they put me in a gynae room for that , and I couldn’t hack it at all .

It comes up in my head sometimes and then I just push it all back down again . I’ve never had sex, never had a relationship, I don’t like washing myself in the shower (I do) and I know that’s all interlinked with what’s happened .

I’ve got one of those video appointments today with a new specialist and I think that’s what’s bringing back all these bad memories and things I can usually ignore .

OP you sound brave and strong and switched on, and I'm sorry it's so hard.

Rape Crisis was my first thought. If they can't help, they should know someone who might be able to.

There are some specific treatments for PSTD. EMDR can help with the processing of trauma, and might really help you not to be triggered with your treatments. Some info here: www.thesurvivorstrust.org/blog/my-experience-of-emdr-treating-trauma (TW rape).

And 'The Body Keeps the Score' is a great book about trauma.

I hope you find the suppport you need.

And a serial post to say that private therapy is worth every penny if you can afford it. Doesn't have to be long term, but find someone lovely and motherly, with dim lighting, deliberately tasteful pictures on the wall, snuggly blankets, pot pourri and sob your heart out while you go through it all.

Nothing like your previous experiences of therapy at all.

Rape Crisis sounds like a good idea. So sorry OP you’ve been treated like that.

i was sexually assaulted by my GP at my 6 week check after having my daughter. i didn’t tell anyone. he’s dead now, so i will never get any closure.

OP, i’m so sorry this has happened to you. i hope you can find a way through it.

@Ze1tGeist

i was sexually assaulted by my GP at my 6 week check after having my daughter. i didn’t tell anyone. he’s dead now, so i will never get any closure.

OP, i’m so sorry this has happened to you. i hope you can find a way through it.

I’m so sorry that it’s happened to you too , I keep wondering if I misunderstood it but so much went wrong over different times , that was just the thing that stands out .

Not sure how to contact rape crisis, I’m not sure how I’d discuss it on the phone, but if I can talk to my GP I’ll try to tell her . Hospital are saying they won’t be doing the investigations til October/November now anyway, so probably need to try and forget about it again somehow .

If it's helping you at all, you can request to be seen by a female practioner and chaperone only. Mention it when you book the appointment and at any confirmation.
Only once has this not worked for me and I would have rescheduled had they not been able to accommodate that.