Third Child - effects on career

[dandeloin]

Hi All,

there have bene lots of threads recently about wanting another child etc so I'm not going to start another one of those. We have 3 DC - 9, 6 & 19 months. I am WFH at the moment (in a new job, which I’m finding very difficult) and my DH has been juggling his hours to go into his workplace at night to do his work. It’s crazy at the moment. But as crazy as it has been. I love being around the kids during the day, not rushing home from work, get the tea on, start on bedtime etc. My DD (toddler) starts back to creche in August and DS's will be back to school in September (fingers crossed). It breaks my heart with the thought of them going back, especially my DD. I don’t know how we will manage the logistics of it all again, both sets of grandparents have been fantastic help to us with childcare but I don’t think they are in a position to be as hands on post-covid. I read a comment on a thread here last night about having a 3rd child having a negative impact on the Mums career (something like that, the Mom was delighted with her 3rd DC but the reference was to the impact it had on her work). Is this true for "most" people? I am not particularly ambitious but like everyone, I like getting paid every month. Myself & DH are at a crossroads and don’t know which way to turn - do I continue to work and we struggle with the logistics of school drops offs, collections, creche collections, afterschool activities or should we make the very brave move for me to give up work and be at home with the children. I know no one can make this decision for me of course, I'm just interested to hear what others have done. Thanks…

keep your job. You don't know what is round the corner and they grow up and just don't need you in the same way - I have 3.

I believe that the environment is changing slowly and more and more industries are realizing the potential of the women who have taken time out to raise families and are proactively recruiting women who want to return after a career break. There are quite a few “returnship” programs around.

Can you find out how easy it would be / what route you could take to get back to work if you do take some time out? Or would you want to change career?

While you are at home you don’t need to completely switch off. Once you have some hours free with nursery etc you could do further training and networking, relevant voluntary work (join a board of trustees for a related charity etc).

Regarding financial considerations: you are married so that is good. Does your DH have life insurance? Can you look into a private pension for yourself?

Are you prepared not to have that part of your identity for a while (that’s where keeping things ticking over with voluntary work and training can help) and is your DH comfortable with being the sole breadwinner?

Yes, they are only little for a short time, so if you feel that being at home would benefit everyone, I think it’s worth seeing how to make it work For that relatively short time whilst mitigating the negatives.

Tbh no. 3 was the point where it just became impossible for me to keep working for a few years, but to be fair she was unplanned. I worked freelance and just couldn't work flexible childcare for a baby into the mix with a school age and nursery age child and a husband who had a job that expected him to be able to travel overseas with pretty much no notice. We emigrated to Australia a few years later and I has a few more years off but eventually did go back to work in a job that I retrained for and loved ( but didn't pay at a level commensurate with the qualifications required). To be brutally honest it all depends on your relationship, it all worked out well for me but I know quite a few women whose husbands left them in their 40s and 50s and they were totally screwed for making similar choices. Only you can decide what is right for you, good luck.