What can your 4 year old do?

[WeirdEar]

DS is almost 3 and 11 months, he diagnosed with ASD so I'm fully aware of his cognitive abilities and how they're not within normal range etc. I'm stumped on his physical abilities though (or lack of!!)

He cannot:

• Use a spoon properly, turns it upside down before getting it to his mouth
• Can't take his socks off
• Can't take any clothes off
• Can't put clothes on or even attempt to
• Can't put/attempt to put shoes on
• Can't get in or out of a very low bath, even with a step there
• Can only walk up/downstairs one stair at a time (so not one foot to one step if you know what I mean)
• Cant drink from a cup without it going everywhere
• Needs to be lifted down steps or ramps as he's very unsteady
• Needs lifting into the car
• Can't jump without falling over
• Can't skip/hop
• Can't do the 'scooting' motion on a ride on toy
• Can't pedal a bike or even get on a scooter

He can hold a pencil and write extremely clearly, his writing is excellent to be honest.
I'm just worried about his physical development, he didn't sit up till he was 10 months old and didn't walk until he was 2, but he's just so behind now isn't he? I'm doing his DLA form renewal and I'm almost crying because he's actually gotten worse from last year, not better. He falls down so much more now

DS1 is 4 years 2 months.
He can do all the physical things you mention but the getting dressed and undressed is recent. The shoes it depends on the pair, he can't do all types.

Otoh he can't write, he can only copy the short version of his name and a few words like "daddy" if I ask him really nicely. Each letter is about an inch long.

DD is 4.5 years old and couldnt spell her name until last week. I've been worried for months

He will catch up soon, as long as you encourage him.

Same age - mine is very intelligent it seems but a bit hopeless at physical things

Can do your list apart from

1. getting dressed. It’s hit and miss and he really struggles. I know other children who have been dressing themselves fully for years.
2. use pedals. Can scoot well but only very recently. Again, has been slower than a lot to do these things.

Oh and he falls down and walks into things quite regularly.

On the other hand, he can read and write pretty well.

To be honest my otherwise neurotypical DS1 was pretty much like this. We got an OT assessment at one point and the conclusion was he was probably just the tail end of the normal range. He’s 6 now and still behind his peers in many motor skills (hopeless at sport, only just fathomed buttons). I asked the school senco about dyspraxia but she doesn’t think so.

Oh OP you sound like a wonderful mum that cares a lot about your little boy. He sounds brilliant too, writing at that age is fantastic. It sounds like he has really good fine motor skills.

Has he been assessed for dyspraxia? I'm not an expert at all however his balance issues are making me wonder. Have you had his hearing checked? (obviously not recently due to lockdown).

Try not to be disheartened or compare him too much. He has his own brilliant talents and he will catch up with some things and he might not with others. That is OK. You haven't done anything wrong.

My son (now 18) couldnt do these things for ages, he still couldnt hop or jump or dress himself when he was about 10, still cant ride a bike, struggled with cutlery until about 7 and is still extremely clumsy. He is VERY dyspraxic. It made no difference to him as a person though. He preferred quiet things and lved creative arty things. Now hes a talented artist and was accepted unconditionally by every art school he spoke to. At the end if the daycevery child has different strengths. Unless it is causing huge difficulties to your son I wouldnt worry personally, but if you are I would ask your GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician who can confirm if it is a simple case of dyspraxia and suggest things which can help.

My 4.2yo can do all of these things, she's always been fairly physically confident. She does spill open drinks very frequently (as does my 7yo).

She can't write her name yet, however, or form any letters or numbers particularly well.

I have a ds with ASD and you've listed mostly what he can't do. You have to remember it's a neurological developmental delay and he may just take longer to reach the milestones of other children. It's not to say he won't ever reach them.

It's fantastic you have been able to get a relatively early diagnosis. It means you can reach out for help knowing what the issues are. My ds has autism and adhd, possibly dyslexia too. He looks relatively normal to look at, can climb trees and have a conversation with you, but he can't cross the road safely, would happily go off with strangers, has no sense of danger, can't regulate his emotions, can't read or write very well and is still in bedtime pants (he's 8 this year)

So although there's lots he struggles with, there is also lots he can do. It's fantastic your ds can write at the age he's at. I know it's emotional and very hard work at times, it's very easy to compare children. (Mines the youngest of 3)

But a lot of children with asd develop at their own pace and hopefully your ds will develop just like everyone else, somethings just take a little longer

4 year 2 month old here.
She can dress and undress bottom half but not sleeves.
She can pedal a trike
She cannot do stairs one at s time still 2 feet on each step.
She can sort of run but still a toddler run
She cannot jump or skip
She can hold a pencil and colour in .
She can write the letters of her name but not quite in order.
her speech is v v good and adult like as she has much older siblings.

DD is 3y 7m and can do everything you've listed. Shoes often on wrong feet, or clothes on backwards. She's a very messy eater too, seems to often make more mess than her 17m old sibling tbh. She also can't write her name for toffee, and her 'colouring in' is violent scribbling, no attempt to stay anywhere in between lines.

Thank you everyone

He's really advanced in most ways, he's been reading for 18 months and spells words aloud ALL the time! He can also think of a word and just write it down and it's legible for us to read.

I do know he's likely to catch up, it's just so depressing doing his DLA forms. His older brother gets high rate mobility because he's way too physically advanced and if he slips your grip he'd be completely gone and vanished before you could catch him! That's how we got awarded for DS1, for DS2 it seems it'll be the complete other extreme
He does have mini absences and has just had an EEG but not expecting any decent kind of results as they said it's hard to diagnose anything from them

Wow his reading and writing sound truly amazing.

My 3.5 yo hates any type of learning about letters or writing. He scribbles on everything! He loves counting and numbers. Just shows how completely different they are.

Your ds sounds exactly like mine at that age. He has autism and will be 5 in August. In the last 6 months or so he has started to feed himself, since lockdown he has been practising putting his clothes on although has no way mastered it yet. Can't drink from a cup, only just learnt to jump, does one step at a time etc and is still in nappies. So is very behind physically but is getting better (he was also late to sit/walk). On the other hand he can read fluently and has good handwriting, knows all his timetables, can add/subtract/divide/multiply, knows all colours/shapes, can name countries/capital cities/all planets/stars/moons and can recognise numbers beyond trillion! Blows my mind how he can understand fractions but cant put on his shoes! He starts school in September and will have a 1 to 1.

Well his spelling and reading are miles ahead. Most kids can't do that when they are 5.
My 4 year old certainly can't do that. However, most things on your list she could do at 2. Now she can ride a bike, and I can't really think of anything physical she struggles with. So I do think you are right to be concerned.
Mine doesn't talk very clearly though.

My nearly 5 year old cant do half those things! She struggles to read/write and has never been able to dress and undress independently, she is just starting to with a lot of encouragement.

@LER83 ah same here! He can read the sentence that says, 'Let's get ready for bed!' But can't open the living room door 😩

He's very very nervy and we're not helicopter parents so I don't know where he's got the fear from at all, he's never injured himself or anything he just doesn't want to swing, jump, skip etc

Even on playground swings, he just kinda crumples in the middle as if he's made of jelly, he can't sit up in one at all. If he stopped on a slide, he'd just cry he wouldn't try and scoot forward or anything.

He is very very sensory, beige diet etc. I do know all kids are different but I don't think I ever expected to have polar opposites! DS1 will eat anything and everything and is constantly moving and has lots of rebound therapy and swim therapy. Think school will have their hands full with DS2!

This is more musing than anything else...

I've just drawn round the boys' feet to measure them, they were weirdly still so I know it's accurate! DS1 has predictably gone from a size c13.5 to a 2 in the space of 6 months!
We got them measured in December in two different shoe shops and they both came out with the same sizes.
Basically, DS2 had measured at a size 10, the same size he had been in September. We didn't think much of it as it'd only been 3 months since his last measure.

When I picked up some cheap sandals for them a few weeks back, I automatically just bought a size bigger because I thought DS2 feet surely must have grown. Well I've just measured them and they're exactly the same size as they were last September, is that odd?

I don't know, but size 10 is quite big anyway. My 6 year old is size 10.

I'd say he's just on the bigger side. Mines always been tallest in class, at 5 he was a size 13. (There's a communal welly chart in school and I noticed most dc were a lot smaller in shoe size, it's the only reason I remember)

My eldest went from shoe size 4-7 in around 6 months, he just shot up suddenly(he's 13). I think they sleep in compost. Certainly eating enough to grow so bloody quick 😂