It's got worse during lockdown. The other day my stomach was churning when the postman arrived because he brought another couple of parcels, and I thought, every day he must think I'm disgusting, he must think I just piss money up the wall.
I honestly hate myself for it. I should be saving the money, I know I should. We were poor for years and bought everything second hand and cheap, we counted every single penny. We had a horrible situation where illness and redundancy coincided and it took us years to get back on our feet. An old lady who never married or had kids, but who lived beside DH when he was a child unexpectedly left him a few grand in her will, and it was just enough to get us out of the hole, and now although we're not high earners, we are both permanent in our jobs and they're in fairly reliable sectors. So we don't have a struggle to pay the bills any more, though we still have to be careful. We live in an extremely cheap area and were able to save and get a mortgage on a small house, and it means the world
But it's like a dam has burst. Now the house is bought and we don't need to save so hard. It's like I buy things without any thought. Purchases which would have taken weeks if not months before. It's frittering away. I lie awake at night hating myself because I feel I'm going to get us in debt and we'll lose the house. But the next day, click and I've ordered something else. I hate myself. It's disgusting. How can I be so stupid and weak?
Has anyone any advice? What can I do?