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What do I do?

17 replies

RUari123 · 21/06/2020 16:43

Hello I need some advice, I'm a Mum of a 2 year old little boy and a part time chef I'm in a horrible situation right now and I'm not sure what to do.

My sons dad and me had a pretty horrible relationship at the end with lots of violence from his side but I really loved him too which is hard for people to understand. Every couple of weeks I mourn for him I think about him and convince myself that I want to be with him and that things would be different.

Shortly after I finally called the police and left my sons dad I met a man a little bit older than me who swept me off my feet at the start who I now live with and is very supportive however I really struggle with my feelings about him now. I'm unsure of him he showers me with gifts and every time I try to leave as I am unsure of him he doesn't let me leave he always assures me how good he is for me and how much better he is than my ex and doesn't give me the space I need to properly think he almost acts like he's obsessed and he couldn't live without me and I feel trapped but sometimes the thought of not having him to fall in financially and emotionally is hard and I do miss him when I leave him for the short periods of time I manage to leave him until he batters my phone with calls and turns up at my house and I cave in I do have a laugh with him and enjoy his company but I don't feel like it's a romantic connection.

Can I just not move on because of my past relationship or have I ended up meeting an emotionally abusive person now?

I wish someone could tell me what I feel and what to do I feel so lost and depressed.

Thankyou for taking the time to read
A x

OP posts:
BlueBooby · 21/06/2020 16:46

It doesn't sound like you're in the right place for a relationship anyway, but he sounds suffocating and I think you should distance yourself from him. Trust your instincts.

BlueBooby · 21/06/2020 16:50

Do you live in his house and do you have your own place? Reread your op and I had missed that you live with him.

LovingLola · 21/06/2020 16:52

Shortly after I finally called the police and left my sons dad I met a man a little bit older than me

How soon after you left your son’s dad did you meet this man?

RUari123 · 21/06/2020 16:53

I think you're right it's so hard to leave as I'm unsure myself so when he tries to keep us together it's hard to stand my ground but I do think I need some time for me, thankyou

OP posts:
LovingLola · 21/06/2020 16:53

And yes I think he is controlling and emotionally abusive. I’d leave him for good.

LovingLola · 21/06/2020 16:54

And think of your son also. Be mindful of the men you bring into his life.

RUari123 · 21/06/2020 16:58

I met him a couple of months after so not long at all he's lovely to my son and my sons got very close to him so that makes it hard too but I agree with what you are all saying he lives with me now yes we have been together a couple of years now

OP posts:
user1752463586 · 21/06/2020 17:01

Sounds like you jumped from one abuser to another.

Have you had any support? Women's Aid? Freedom Programme?

RUari123 · 21/06/2020 17:06

They gave me numbers etc for woman's aid but I haven't reached out but think I may need to and get some balls and get myself out if this situation.

OP posts:
RUari123 · 22/06/2020 03:31

So I decided to have a talk with my partner today and asked for some space to think he ended up being violent with me then emptying 6L of paint all over my carpets. No men for a while I think lots of time with my little man and some self care thankyou all xx

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 22/06/2020 06:53

he ended up being violent with me then emptying 6L of paint all over my carpets

?? Change the locks. Quickly.

lachy · 22/06/2020 07:06

@RUari123

How are you this morning? Have you been able to speak to the police about what happened last night?

LouisLitt1 · 22/06/2020 07:07

Hope you’re okay. You need to stop rushing into relationships, think about the effect this is having on your son.

RUari123 · 22/06/2020 08:17

I feel incredible guilt about my son being around men like that he was lovely to my son always and me I knew no different but I ignored the warning signs with the way he was with me I did rush into a relationship but I was low and just been beaten by my previous partner he had kids too and was lovely. Do you think I would gone anywhere near him if u knew what he was like? so thanks for saying I need to think about the effect on my son next time ill look into the future and see! I feel incredibly guilty and low already so thanks for that

OP posts:
LouisLitt1 · 22/06/2020 08:39

Well that’s exactly the point. You get to know someone slowly, not rush to move in with them, especially when a child is involved. I would advise you call women’s aid and hope you have someone you can talk to in real life.

Gazelda · 22/06/2020 13:16

How are you now OP. Are you safe? Have you spoken to the police?

Do you have a home that he doesn't have access to? If you do, change the locks, block his phone number and tell Friends and family what has happened so you don't want them to facilitate him getting back in touch with you.

Give Women's Aid a call today. They will support you to get stronger.

You didn't deserve this.

RUari123 · 22/06/2020 13:47

Thankyou for your message we are safe luckily my little man didn't see anything either I have good friends and family so ill be okay he gave me my key back today too and I have notified the police just scrubbing carpets at the moment trying to stay positive x

OP posts:
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