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Procrastinating versus getting it over with?

5 replies

Ritascornershop · 20/06/2020 22:42

So right now there’s two of us in our house; me, middle aged divorced mum, and 20 year old son at university. We’re not in the UK, btw. His term is done, he’s only working about 15 hours a week (hours are hard to come by), which is fine, but he’s gotten really lazy and is not pulling his weight around the house (or garden). I work 32 hours a week & have a shoulder injury so gardening is really, really hard for me.

He is the most polite, well-intentioned person on the planet. But I’m getting seriously fed up with a) having to ask him to do stuff that’s bloody obvious (wash the dishes while I’m at work, mow the lawn) and b) ask him again and again and again and again until he finally does it. He’ll usually say in a soft sad way “I will mum, I’m just not up to it today.” Wtf?! We’ll get up to it! I physically can’t do some of this stuff, plus I’m at work, he’s sleeping till 11:00am then gaming, talking to friends, going for walks.

He says I have “a funny thing” where I can’t relax if I know a job needs to be done, whereas he is very able to put the job in a mental box and slam the lid shut.

Normal 20 year old behaviour? Taking the piss a bit? Male housework blindness?

He does cook his share of dinners, only occasionally needing prodding there (he likes cooking).

Either we live surrounded by metre high grass or he does it, my injury will not support me doing it (which is also really frustrating as I hate asking for help because most people would rather be tied to an anthill than help me out).

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2020 22:47

It's only normal if you've allowed it to be normal. He is living in your home due to your generosity, and I doubt his meager wages are paying for his upkeep. It's time to stop being a mug and lay down the law. Let him know that if he chooses to act like a child, he will be treated as such. No Wi-Fi, no laundry, no meals, no nothing. Do you pay for his phone? Any other expenses? All that must stop unless he pulls his weight. You may be his mum but you are not his maid or keeper. It's high time he grows up.

Ritascornershop · 21/06/2020 00:55

He pays for all his personal stuff; phone, clothes, haircuts etc. His dad pays child support while he’s at uni, so that goes toward his upkeep. I feel badly that as a single mum I didn’t have money to save towards tuition, so I want him to save all his earnings for that.

I’m not turning off our wifi - that would feel like I’m treating him like a kid and that is not how I deal with younger people (I work with teens).

He did live away for a year and so has some idea what housework entails. I’m just not sure if this is kind of common for a guy his age?

OP posts:
RAOK · 21/06/2020 01:07

Leave a list of jobs each day and say that you expect them to be done by the time you arrive home from work. What if you didn’t feel up to cooking meals, running the household etc?!!!

Ritascornershop · 21/06/2020 02:19

That’s my thought exactly, what if I stopped doing the stuff I do? He really is a good person, just my priorities are not his. However I think with loved ones we need to make their priorities our own to an extent.

OP posts:
JasperRising · 21/06/2020 08:43

I was a nightmare coming home once I'd experienced living away. It was just really hard to go back to doing things on other people's schedules and to their standards when I'd been able to live how I wanted. And it also didn't feel like home any more so I sometimes felt awkward and like I'd get it wrong or didn't know where things were anymore.

Sorry no real solutions! I moved away again and things for better...

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