Do you visit MIL with dh/dp?

[sitckmansladylove]

Dh visits mil weekly and each time mil will ring and say 'you'll be up to visit soon?' But dh doesn't visit mine when I visit weekly and it's not expected. Nor are any of the other in laws spouses (because they are male) so aside from covid I visit once a month but I get a guilty phone call.
I went into work today and dh didn't tell mil I was at work so no doubt she will be annoyed as last week I didn't visit either. I have hinted to her it's my chance to get the floors washed and few jobs done. But I really want to say dh is her son she's not my mother. I have a lot on my plate. Do you visit yours often?

Visits as in standing in the garden?

3 out of 4 times I’ll go, but only because it involves an overnight stay (so visits aren’t that often). If dh was visiting every week I’d probably go 1 out of 4.

Do you mean in normal times ?
When we go across to MiL and FiLs, we'd generally go for a meal, so yes I do.
I think this depends on all sorts of things, including Geography. Yes, when they were alive I'd pop in to my Mum and Dad's without dh more, because I'd be passing, or I'd go to take them something. We rarely ate a meal with them (other than Christmas) and I'd pop in regularly for a short period of time. With dh's parents, they are further away and we go less often, but together, for a planned time to be there, not because I wanted to borrow something or return something or drop something round that I'd brought them, or whatever. The difference wasn't because it was my parents or his.

Yes (not now because in-laws are shielding) but in pre-covid times I did. DH didn't go to visit his parents without me unless he took DC while I was at work on the weekend. I don't usually visit my parents without him though either, partly because they don't live locally and I can't drive, but it is possible to get the train.

We all go to PILs together, but that's because they live 2 hours away so we go for a weekend.

YANBU if you're expected to visit his mum while he doesn't bother visiting your mum. That would annoy me too. I think once a month is perfectly okay.

Yes I do. I go without him sometimes too. Or we meet for lunch just the two of us. It's been 21 years. She's my family.

I go when I can, sometimes I don't because I'm busy but it's not a chore, I like seeing them.

I almost always go too. They live a couple of hours away so if we go, we go and stay. Occasionally dh has taken the children without me when I've had a very busy time at work.
Since having the children I also arrange with them to come and see us in school holidays etc while dh is working, I'm part time and have had 2 maternoty leaves so am around a lot more in the week than he is!

We don't see them that often - probably every 3/4 weeks - but yes, I always have to go. DH's family wouldn't care but DH refuses to go alone because he finds them hard work. I think I deserve some kind of medal.

Pre covid yes I usually also go, unless he is popping round to pick up / drop something off and I wasn't with him at the time or they had DSS and he was picking him up.

I also go on my own without him, and once DD was here would take her during the week whilst DH was at work. My parents live the other end of the country so we sometimes go together as it's a long drive with DD (but only been once with her as she's only six months) but pre pregnancy I would go for a few days on my own whilst he was working.

However I get on well with in laws, they're my family, and my mum is so far away so I want DD to be close to them too.
When I first had DD and couldn't drive due to c section they used to take us shopping or to doctors appointments too, and come to the HV clinic for weigh day with me. miL even came to the breast feeding clinic with me once for advice! After that we have very few secrets 😂

If I didn't like them it'd be a different story I suppose but I'm lucky - I have a lovely family on both sides.

We live near both sets of In-laws so visits are fairly frequent normally. I probably go 1 in 10 times.
My DH goes nearly daily so that is more than it sounds!
My DH doesn't feel obligated to visit my family every time I do so I'm following his lead ☺️

My mil makes me want to stick pins in my eyes so we are all perfectly happy for me to stay at home!

I love my MIL to bits so we always go together - I sometimes go on my own as well. I wouldn't do that if we weren't close.

We're not visiting PILs at all atm because they live too far away for a garden visit but otherwise I visit them about half the times DH does. When DH visits by himself with DS it's usually because I need the time to study or when I had hyperemesis and wasn't up to travelling, PILs are fine with that.

We visit my parents (garden) most nice days, on week days I go with the DC so DH can work in peace and on weekends we've all been going as its much nicer than sitting in the park.

Nearly always go, unless DH is just popping over to fix something. I love MIL, in usual times we'd meet up just me and her once a fortnight for coffee!

Nor are any of the other in laws spouses (because they are male)

Sorry, I don't follow this - you mean your DH has sisters whose male partners aren't expected to visit? If so that is a bit strange.

I occasionally see my parents without DP; DP frequently sees her parents without me. The reasons are partly practical - my parents have a spare room so we tend to stay over; her parents don't, so the visits are generally short - but also, MIL isn't terribly keen on me and the feeling is mutual.

I have to say, I think visiting any family once a week is quite a lot! It's potentially lovely - if my mum were near enough to do that, I'd do it - but I can't imagine wanting DP to come once a week. As you say, it'd be much more sensible to use it as a chance for one partner to get some alone time and some time to work.

My pils live just over an hour away and my parents over 2 hours away. Sometimes I visit with my DH and kids and other times he takes the kids by himself or goes by himself. Ie when the kids were little and it was his mums birthday I encouraged him to go and have dinner with her me and the kids would see her another time and it's nice for them to have time together without us. I'd also see my pils with the kids by myself if my DH was at work.

He also doesn't mind if I take the kids and see my parents without him when he's busy, he can see his mates and relax without us, but if it's an important family gathering he comes.

This is pre covid yes - we didn't visit for quite a while and then only in the car park outside their house. I said it to dh there and he doesnt get it. It is a bit of a chore. Mil is very religious/ talks mainly about funerals in the area or a health complaint (the same minor one for two years). So selfish of me but it's not like a coffee and a catch up really. I feel a bit low after it. I also think it's dh responsibility as I work in a job that is really sad at times and my own dm is needy with a lot of complaints.

I haven't seen my in-laws for about 3 years, I can't be done with the royal family type set up, they are lovely people in their own rights just very different to me... reading this makes makes me sound snobbish, I'm not, very similar up bringing but with different morals.
DH always visits my parents with me, evens goes on his own inc Christmas Day whilst I'm working

We see MIL 4 times a year - Christmas she come for 4 days, then her birthday in march for 4 days. Every other year we go up to Northumberland and hire a cottage for a week. Then DH and one other child go up in Autumn.

DH hasn’t seen my mum much this year, by we’ll go up In the summer.

At the moment I tend to call my MIL once a week.
She’s about a 6 hr drive away.

I went to see my MIL today - brace yourselves - on my own! Because I’m a weirdo who actually likes my MIL and has a relationship with her independent of my DH.

@speckledfrogslog, given four other people - on a thread with 22 replies - had pointed out they also see their MILs on their own, I'm not quite clear why you think you're so exciting and unusual?

It is lovely when you like your MIL. I adored my ex-husband's mum: she was great. But it is a matter of luck (given you fall in love with your partner, not their family).

I generally try to avoid seeing MIL without my OH because it’s not always enjoyable and I don’t think I should be lumped with the additional job of managing family relations just because I am female. My OH protests and claims that his DM loves and wants to spend time with me but it is clearly because she wants to make sure she has more access to her grandchild when she is born.
I don’t visit my own parents a lot and OH certainly doesn’t spend one on one time with them. Google ‘emotional labour in relationships’ - it sounds like you are doing all the work with your MIL by listening to her problems and getting nothing in return.

each time mil will ring and say 'you'll be up to visit soon?'

Let your DH take the calls, surely you've got caller ID?

Decide between you and your DH how often you will go e.g. 1 in 8 weekends plus her birthday. Stick to that, stop feeling guilty about it, and your DH deals with all complaints/manages expectations about it.

Yes, I go in normal times. I love them.

During covid dp has gone their shopping and I've gone and sat in the garden while he's shopped.

Had them.over with my parents for a bbq yesterday- in laws' first time out in 13 weeks!