To watch my parents struggle.

[Bexandlex]

I got a phone call this morning to say my mum had been taken to hospital in an ambulance. She's had a strange pain in her leg for three months almost. She's been scanned. X-rayed etc. They decided that she could have a steroid injection in September but due to covid not yet! So the last few weeks she's not walked anywhere as advised. In the night she could no longer stand. She's had operations on her hips from birth. They have ruled all that out so far.

What's upsetting me the most is my dad's worries. He's got a bad back and has literally just retired. He has worked his whole life (the last few years in pain) he told me this morning he doesn't think my mum will ever get right again. Her fitness is getting worse and the last few years she's been slowly getting more and more stuck and unable to go out due to weather, getting in cars etc. She up to now has cringed at going in a wheelchair. It makes her nervous I guess. She doesn't want to loose herself to that yet.

I am abit useless in the sense I've got small children and can't drive. I'll do all I can to make life better for them. But today it's hitting me. My dad is scared of becoming a carer as he knows he's not fit enough himself. He has expressed frustration over her not wanting a chair to get out and about in. I'm starting to realise we are heading into a new phase of life. One where my parents are not healthy and able. It's upsetting. I want them to have the freedom to potter about to garden centres. I don't want my poor dad to loose his retirement to worry and poor health. I want my mum to recover. I'm worried she's loosing confidence. Gaining weight. Missing out and she finally has my dad around! They should be free to go for lunch sometimes and visit family.

I know it's not life threatening. But I think we always knew one day mums hip problems would lead to issues. My dad is so worried they will send her home when she can't walk about.

Also she's in hospital and coronavirus is obviously an issue.

Not sure why I'm sharing this. Feeling abit upset I guess.

Hi OP, I dont have any practical advice but a hand hold here for you.
My mother is also getting older and i worry about the day she starts to go downhill. I hope your mum's health improves.

That sounds so tough op. Do you live near to them? It is crazy she has to wait until September for the steroids due to Covid. It will still be here then. Would she use a mobility scooter? Might be preferable to a wheelchair.

Could she get the injection privately?

Can you organise a pop in carer to call in once a day to see if they need anything?
I used to do this and most people were glad of it, I used to do shopping or help husband have a shower or just simply make a meal and wash pots .

Regarding the mobility issues I reluctantly accepted using a stick /wheelchair a few years ago its a hard mindset to get past and unfortunately people are not helpful (stareing or talking over you is common). She needs a reason to use it, something that benefits her. Also I have a motability scooter which means I can take the children to school independently. Would she consider that (would also save your dad's back). Ask the hospital to refer for physio and OT assessments as these can help with being more independent around the house.
Disability can also cause depression /anxiety maybe some therapy will help to.
You could help organise the house so everything is accessible. For example I don't have anything I use regularly in low cupboards so I don't need to bend.
Is she entitled to personal independence payments? This could help fund any adaptions she needs.
The biggest thing when disabled (or a carer) is knowing you have someone to talk to /who cares for you. Also maybe your dad could go out without your mum for a break and you could sit with her.

Thank you for the suggestions guys. Will see what happens in the next few days. She can be stubborn but underneath I know she's worried. They both are. I'll think of some ideas thank you x

Your dad can explain to the nurses that he’s struggling and your mums health is deteriorating. The nurses will be able to send a referral to support your parents further. Once a patient gets admitted to hospital the nurses do always ask about someone’s home situation and if they are managing at home or how. Or you could get your dad to contact his GP as a back up plan.

I understand and sympathise OP, I’m in a similar position and I find it so upsetting.

Both my parents are in their 70’s and in the last two years my dad has been diagnosed with cancer, had major surgery to remove the cancer and now, although he has recovered from that cancer, it might be somewhere else. My mums knee has virtually given out so she can’t walk far.

All of a sudden my parents who were once active, seem old and on a downward slope with their health and mobility. I don’t feel ready for my parents to be “old”.

I also have very young children so I’m quite restricted and feel guilty I can’t do more for them.

@icantremembertheartist

It's horrible isn't it. Mine are 64 and 68. Just feel sad to think of them worried and struggling. Your poor dad and mum 😢 it's really horrible.

It is a worry- my parents are in their 70s and mum has osteoarthritis which also makes her walking a bit difficult. Mine are apart which is tricky as well

What I think is, they do need to try and keep mobile and active and that is their responsibility as well...sounds a bit harsh but 'use it or lose it' as they say. Treatment might help as well

if it continues into their 70s they can get attendance allowance and carers which might help a bit too.

My Dad who is 86 was rushed into hospital on Thursday morning. He had fallen out of bed at 4.30am rang me and my DH went round as Dad couldn't get up, in the meantime he had called an ambulance and they had come out and checked him over and were just leaving as DH got there.

My DH left and realised he had forgotten something, went back and Dad said he couldn't move his arm or leg and was trying to call an ambulance back, my DH rang them and they got there in minutes and whisked him to hospital with a suspected stroke.

He has had a stroke but has just been moved, today, to a more local hospital, he has got back feeling and is talking so we are hopeful.

whilst your Mum is in hospital they will ask if she can cope with things, she must be honest and they can put in a care package, be it help around the house or physio etc. this is the best place for her to be at present to get things done.

It may be an idea for you to ring the hospital and speak to the nurse looking after her and tell them what your Mum is having trouble with as if she is like my Dad their pride gets in the way.

Hope your Mum is okay and it is hard but you will find the strength to deal everything that comes with having ageing parents.

I recently had a week-long course of prednisolone rather than the injection I'm usually given when my RA is kicking off. Would this be an option for her?

Good morning. She is coming home today. They don't have a bed for her on the rehabilitation ward. So someone is coming to the house to help and see if she needs more equipment today. She has a frame instead of sticks for the time being too.

I will hopefully find out more today. I've sent her a heat and cold strap through Amazon. So I hope she gets that soon. I've mentioned the miracle of slow cookers to my dad. I told him it would save him cooking at tea time some nights and he can pop gammon etc in it for the day. I have also said I'll go around once a week to change the beds or clean the bathroom etc.

I will quiz my mum later on what the plan is. Hopefully she can get back on her feet a little bit.

@stopringingme your poor dad. I hope he's on the mend now. It's really sad to see them getting weaker. Hopefully he's home again soon x