Anyone up? Bf going badly, about to cave and make baby some formula

[NotYetBaby]

Hi everyone,

My little girl is 2 days old and I am trying to breastfeed her. However she has a 50% tongue tie and it’s total agony when she latches. It’s getting worse every feed and baby is just constantly rooting. She’s clearly hungry but I’ve fed her 4 times since midnight and am wondering about just giving her formula because I can’t keep feeding her so often when it is so painful.

I’ve been discharged, and there was no support in the hospital, only a midwife who said the latch looked fine to her as baby’s cheeks weren’t dimpling and there was no clicking.

There’s nothing wrong with formula feeding but for various reasons I really wanted to breastfeed. Does anyone have any advice or positive stories that it’s worth persevering? I don’t want to give up but I can’t bear to be in this much pain for much longer. I know bf can be sore at first but midwife said it shouldn’t be painful after first few seconds.

All mine were bottle fed and they all grew up fit and healthy. Also meant it wasn't just me who fed junior.

Hello OP. The first few weeks of feeding are so hard - and painful. Nobody told me that, so it was an utter shock. Has your milk come in yet? It can take a while for your supply to keep up with your baby’s demand so keep feeding if that’s what you want to do. Also the tongue tie will not be helping.
I second @eleventy3isthemagicnumber ‘s suggestion to call the National Breastfeeding Helpline. They are fabulous. Also Lasinoh (I think it’s called) cream.
Congratulations on your new baby. Do you have partner / any support so that you can get some rest? The early days / weeks are so hard but worth it ... it does get easier.

Don't cave.

There is lots of help out there and no matter what anyone says, breastfeeding does hurt. Of course it would, its a new continuous friction on a tender bit of skin.

3 out of 4 of mine had tongue tie. The eldest wasn't snipped til he was 4.5 months old. The consultant who did it (hisage meant he was verging on an op) couldn't belive I was feeding him. It was painful and at 10 days he vomited blood. My blood. It was sore, but we muddled on and when he was finally snipped, it was totally different.

He and my other 2 tongue-tied babies were not all that bothered about feeding for 5 days or so (the other 2 were snipped at 5 days). They pulled and dragged. Even the tm really efficient (no-tongue-tied) baby made me sore.

Honestly, seek help, call the support lines and persevere. It WILL get easier, it's currently brand new for you both. Make sure you relax your shoulders (if it hurts, you'll tense and let down will be slower). It'll be the best thing you do.

Good luck.

BF is hard, I often used to give my DS a bottle of formula at night, to give my body a rest and then started again in the morning, it worked fine, for me I continued to BF until I became pregnant when DS was a year old. Congrats on your baby OP

I hope you're feeling ok this morning OP. Bf is really hard and I felt the "if you're in pain, you're doing it wrong" mantra both extremely incorrect and frustrating! Day 2 is notoriously hard as baby is cluster feeding to build up or bring in your supply. (Do you know if your milk is through yet?) I was you and finding it impossible (but there was confusion over whether baby had tongue tie - I think ultimately she just had an awful latch.) Try to push for support with the tongue tie until they listen as this made a huge difference to my sister in law. I did manage to feed LO but those first few weeks were not enjoyable.
Can you get your DP to take baby for a 45 minute walk this morning in the pram while you nap slathered in Lansioh (spelling?)
Hoping you are ok!

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond with such good advice. It really is appreciated. I have upped the Lansinoh and the nipple shields are arriving later today! I’m just doing skin to skin with her now then will feed her, and call the support line recommended when it opens.

I didn’t give formula in the end, not because I think there is anything wrong with it at all (first daughter was ff after about 4 weeks) but because last baby the lactation support told me I had given my daughter nipple confusion by topping up and that was part of why she couldn’t latch properly which really upset me at the time. But the myth buster PP has posted that topping up doesn’t cause an issue is really helpful.

My trust isn’t doing tongue ties at the moment I don’t think but I’m going to see about doing it privately next week.

So I’ve made it till morning and so glad I have - thank you for the well wishes and support

Great to hear from you.

The phone number is 0300 100 0212. It's staffed by volunteers - you can either leave a message which can sometimes take abou 24 hours to hear back or just keep calling. Calls are usually answered within a couple of tries.

Here's the link to the Flipple I mentioned above in the meantime

themilkmeg.com/get-better-latch-exaggerated-latch-flipple-breastfeeding-technique/#:~:text=Use%20the%20%E2%80%9Cflipple%E2%80%9D%20technique%20to,after%20they%20have%20latched%20on.

DS1 and I started 13m of breastfeeding with the first two weeks being using just about every method possible to get some milk into him.

He missed the window for the first feed being observed in NICU and I was in HDU following a long labour, EMCS and other complications. He had low blood sugars and little enegy to feed and my milk didn't come in for at least a week. Lots of attempts at latching, hand expressing into a cup and some formula.

He latched better if I hand expressed into a cup first to give him more energy and improve my shape for an easier latch.

It was a faff and painful, but we got through it one feed at a time, but after about 3 weeks, it all began settling down.

Just do one feed at a time to get through.

Is your milk in yet? Mine took longer than expected to turn up. The odd bottle is not the end of the world. KOKO

ItchyScratch that's a really unkind comment. You can support those who chose to bottle feed without insulting those who chose to breast feed.

You obviously have a massive chip on your shoulder, but that really isn't helpful un a support thread.

Completely agree. We all have our preferences for our children. OP was in no way judging people who give formula. She wants to breastfeed and was worried it wasn't working and she would have to make the decision to switch in the middle of the night.

Please remember how vulnerable you felt two days after having a baby and treat OP with the kindness she deserves.

Look, I say this as someone who has breastfed 2 babies with tongue tie...

1. get it snipped as soon as possible, even if you have to pay. It's worth it.
2. ignore people who say "the latch looks fine". If it doesn't feel fine it's not fine.
3. yes, there may be some time of waiting for baby's mouth to grow... breastfeeding was not comfortable till about 8 weeks because of this for me. Plus the tongue tie.
4. get whatever support you can
5. there is nothing wrong with formula
6. giving a bottle of formula in the middle of the night when you've had enough and it's too hard and everything hurts and your baby is cluster feeding will NOT do you or your baby any harm. Do whatever you need to do to get through to morning and then try again.
7. Feeding your baby is not caving. Feeding your baby is feeding your baby.
8. make sure you are being looked after too!

Given that the thread title was clear and in no way ambiguous you didn’t need to click on it @ItchyScratch

Don’t upset yourself unnecessarily and don’t berate the OP for doing what she thinks is best for her and her baby. It was 15 years ago. Let it go. You’ve come looking for trouble from a woman who gave birth 3 days ago and is seeking support. Not cool.

The Flipple really worked - she’s latched in and has been for ages (is this cluster feeding) and although it stung initially it doesn’t hurt now so she can stay there as long as she likes! Thanks @DCIRozHuntley!

@ThunderRocket I have a pump but my milk isn’t in yet so unfortunately I’m not getting anything out but that’s a very good suggestion for when it does.

I apologise for my use of “cave” which was written in tears in the early hours. As I specifically said in my post, there’s nothing wrong with formula feeding, and I don’t think I’m “high and mighty“ for breastfeeding. As I mentioned my first daughter was formula fed so I’d basically be judging myself! Bf didn’t work out that time, and I was told this was partly because of supply issues once I started topping up and partly because I gave a dummy/bottle which caused confusion. So that’s the context of my comment, giving formula being potentially harmful to my personal wish to breastfeed, not it being a negative thing to do generally. My reasons for wanting to bf are a lot to do with convenience and not having to be making bottles at 2am, and not at all because I think it makes me a better parent because I completely agree it doesn’t!

Thank you again for the advice

Awesome, well done! It's normal to have that initial stinging on latching. My toes curl remembering it! I used to count up to 30, which helped, and by the time I got to 30 it would have gone away. It will settle over time.

I totally get the use of the word "cave" - I know how fraught things can be in the early hours, and just meant that things can be a bit more reasoned when you've had some sleep and you're a bit more awake. And it's ok to do what you need to do to get to that point.

While your nipples are still tender in the initial stages be careful of pumping, pumping made mine so much worse and I ended up bruised and bleeding! If it starts hurting stop asap. Congrats on a much better morning, take it one feed at a time and yes it's cluster feeding to get your milk in. I loved them moments, an excuse to sit and watch TV for hours on end

Well done OP, like PPs have said - take it a feed at a time. I'm 6 weeks into breastfeeding my first and have been shocked by how painful and all consuming it is. I've found that snipping the TT made a massive difference but not right away, its still taking time for DS to learn how to use his tongue. And keep going until you perfect his latch, keep pushing for support. I found it frustrating that so many professionals said DS' latch was perfect as it was so painful, but I've recently had great support from the infant feeding team (can you get in touch with yours through your HV or hospital?) and the best advice I've received which was to keep unlatching him until I'm comfortable with his latch. This will probably apply more once his TT is snipped, but I've found it so helpful to remember that BFing has to work for both of us in the long run, not just DS.

ItchyScratch - that is a disgraceful way to speak to a woman who has a 3 day old baby. Something from 15 years ago? There is nothing "high and mighty" in her post. Just a woman trying to figure out some things at a very delicate time. If indeed your past experience was that traumatic why not pass on a little tolerance and kindness in tone.

I remember it well, I was sat in bed with Oh asleep next to me whilst I hadn't had a wink of sleep and wanted to kill him quite frankly, just putting baby side to side, crying and unsettled thinking what the hell have I done.
At 5am that morning I got the formula out and never looked back best decision I've ever made.
I haven't got advice but watching with interest as I'm pregnant again and intent to bf next time

How are things now @NotYetBaby? The 2nd night is definitely the worst, and it does get easier!

Hi @soundsystem thank you for asking, sadly it’s not going too well - she’s lost nearly 9% of her body weight so midwife has suggested topping up with formula, which I am but she’s struggling to take a bottle because of her tongue tie so it just comes back out of the sides of her mouth.

In the meantime she still can’t latch properly and my nipples are just open sores to the point I can’t really bear to breastfeed. I’ve managed to get someone to look at her tongue tie tomorrow so hopefully that will help her get a better latch, or if not at least make life easier for her on the bottle.

Don’t know whether to keep trying to bf until tomorrow and making the bleeding/sores worse or give my nipples a rest.

Oh you poor woman. Have you used shields? Can you bear to express any milk on to your nipples to help them heal?