Going through some health stuff at the moment. I wont go into it too much. Its boring stuff like vitmain deficiencies. I've got my iron levels back up to normal. I'm still fixing my vitamin D.
I knew lockdown was going to make me a little anxious. Mainly because it happened just as I got unwell with anemia. So I had not taken my daughter to school myself for a month before lockdown, apart from 3 times. My partner had to rejuggle work and work here to collect her. It made me feel like a useless waste of space.
I was determined through lockdown to get well. To recover. To have lots of lovely walks with my kids. But the Dr trialed me on a pill that made me feel terrible for 5 weeks and bleed everyday. So I came off that. It's been 8ish weeks since I came off the pill and I've just started my 3rd period. Since having this pill the 3 periods after have felt way more hormonal. I've felt so sick. So drained. Like I'm getting a fever and a virus with all three of them. I can't function to leave the house and I feel terrible. It left me unwell for two weeks last month. I had 9 days of feeling ok but not great now im back to square one. I am going to request the Dr checks my hormones if possible.
Anyway. On top of all the issues with my health. I feel my family (especially my mum) has put zero effort in with me. I suggested two weeks ago that me and my kids could sit in my mum's garden and have a social distanced catch up. My mum sounded about as enthusiastic as the Grinch is about Christmas. I've mentioned it a couple of times since. She just barely says we will sort something.
My little girl is five and stopped talking to her grandparents, aunts and uncles after her brother was born 2 years ago. She has basically got herself in a rut. But when she started school she was speaking to all the staff. She also speaks to my best friend and all children. I started to realise she needed time with me not there to relax and then she will relax and chat. My partner's mum is on her own so came to visit us Sunday for the first time in six months. She took my DD upstairs to play and within 5 minutes my DD started talking to her. They were having so much fun. It made me realise my own mum won't try with her. My DD will speak to my parents over the phone but up close she won't. I have watched my parents reactions to her over the months. My DD will talk on the phone and she will waffle away to them asking questions. Sometimes my mum starts to respond with a serious voice and then she will sarcastically say something to me like we could kill eachother and then she laughs. I just wish my mum would try and be warmer with her. My parents live five minutes away and I am quite upset that we've not been offered to sit in the garden or anything yet. I really get a vibe my mum doesn't like my daughter. She wasn't an isn't an affectionate person. Sometimes she will talk about it like she understands but she never does anything to help the situation. I've suggested over the last year things like her going around for 2 hours and maybe do this a couple of Sundays a month. It never happened. I've suggested mum colouring with her at the table or doing a puzzle. Never happens. I'll take things around and my mum will sit in the chair with a cuppa interacting with my son and his love of vehicles. He's only two. So it's like he brings her laughter and my DD watches on.
Everyone else is either working. Going to the shops. Taking the kids on huge fun walks. Seeing family and friends in bubbles now. I have seen nobody apart from a friend once since march.
I'm in a rut. I know I am. I'm going to try so hard to take the kids for a walk today. I feel so much guilt for them. They had three walks last week. But it's so sad that they are not mixing with anyone anymore.
Please only be nice. I can't take any get a grip messages today. Thanks x