Struggling with looking after someone else's child in lockdown, just need a vent and some support

[unstableunicorn]

Wasn't sure where to post or if it goes under parenting since I'm not a parent and I'm new to mumsnet but here goes...

Okay so I'm currently looking after a close family friend's 14 year old son, he's been living with me for about a month now. He's usually great but right now he's having trouble with missing his family and naturally being lockdown unable to see his friends etc is making things harder so any ideas how I can make things easier and emotionally support him? He's usually really helpful and sweet but the stress is making him snappy and irritable, not sure how to respond to things like 'you can't tell me what to do, you're not my mum' since it's true, I'm not. Doesn't help I think that I'm in mid twenties but look younger. I'm trying really hard to be patient and supportive but right now I'm just tired and emotional but feel like I've got to keep it together in front of him because I don't want him blaming himself or feeling any guilt. Honestly I just feel like crying and there's no one in my life who's sympathetic or can really understand my situation.

It isn't easy for anyone, let alone someone who isn't in their normal environment. It is also not easy for you so don't be hard on yourself hormonal teens can be difficult at the best of times. Just look at the teen board on here.

As a parent you can use non verbal cues - to signal when a line has been crossed which makes it easier to navigate without confrontation. As his temporary carer you will need to choose your words carefully.

You need to acknowledge that he is right, but you also have valid expectations. be empathetic but outline what is needed. Maybe try something along the lines of … I know that this is a difficult situation for you to be in, it is new to me too. It would be helpful for both of us if we can make the best of it and support each other through it. I know I am not your parent, but I am asking you as a human being that needs a hand. Before you do x (the task you want him to do) I am more concerned about you - is there something that I can help you with.

Also pick your fights -

Sorry - didn't see the circumstances. There are support agencies that you could both tap into. The LGBT Foundation based in Manchester, but operating nationally have counselling services as well as practical advice.

My wife is a youth work project manager so I asked her advice.
She sent the link to Hidayah an organisation that may offer some support.
It would be useful to also contact your local youth service if it still exists.

What a good thing you are doing, this is a kind act that he will always remember.
Best wishes to you both

Cheers for all the replies everyone! I've had a couple of people I know tell me that I'm doing a good thing, but I was really needing a bit of support tonight. I was also really hesitant to tell people the religious/ cultural background because I know plenty of accepting Muslims and don't want to perpetuate this idea all Muslims are homophobic bigots so it's been hard in that respect too. I think in general I've managed the get the firm but fair tone I'm after, really appreciate all suggestions for how to have a conversation with him about how it's difficult for both of us

@iamearthymama Thanks! I'm looking at the website now, looks great

A really good tip for teens is to talk to them sideways, in a car is particularly good but any side by side activity - walking, watching TV, cooking. Anything where it doesn’t feel like they’re in the spotlight. If he likes crafts could he get involved in any community makes or artwork? Our local museum is running a project for artwork submissions from under 16s so possible something similar near you. Have you had a look at Facebook groups which are locally based? There’s a really active poetry one which is linked to a pub near me, under normal circumstances they have a meet every few weeks but they’re all sharing a lot online at the moment. Just trying to think of things which might help him connect with others as it’s a double whammy to feel rejected from family and community and I suspect some friends who just know and like him for him would help him a lot.