Please help - I have no idea why my son is doing this!

[LauraP86]

Ok so i have a 5 year old boy, he has been potty trained for nearly 3 years now. However recently i have found him deliberatly choosing to go wee in the garden in his fort, or on the carpets in the house. He has also wee'd in the poor dogs water bowl and in his bin in his room. we have both an upstais and downstairs bathroom and he know that to do a wee anywhere other then a toilet is naughty however he does it anyway. I have tried talking to him, telling him off and taking away toys/bedtime story etc however i cant see him stopping this behavour. Its disgusting and u have no idea what to do. Has anyone else had this and if so what did you do? Thanks

My 3yo went through a phase of doing this at the start of lockdown. Weeping on his little brother toy tractor, on the flowerbeds etc. It was always outside though and the consequence that seemed to work was he had to come in and I stopped his play immediately. When he weed on one of his own toys I put it in the bin and explained that I wasn't prepared to clean it.

I don't have a 5yo yet but it sounds like he might need a more immediate consequence than the loss of story/bedtime.

Not weeping on his little brothers tractor, weeing on it

Well remind him sternly that ddog will certainly not want to be his friend if this carries on.
And personally I would be issuing him with the equipment necessary for the clean up.
My ds is 5 and no way would this be acceptable..

On a practical note a ping ping ball in the loo to practice his aim may be an option.

Maybe this has been the reasoning behind it....

will try the more immediate punishment moving forward as well as making him clean it up. His aim when he uses the loo is brilliant. When he wee's on the carpet its been in my room, the spare room, the front room and then in his fort. Its just so distressing and has only started in the last month or so, maybe lock down is something to do with it. I am just at my wits end! i told him today that he didn't get a cookie or art stuff as he wee'd on the carpet and if the dog knows not to wee on the carpet then he certainly should as well. i could honestly cry! he is normally a sweet and incredibly well behaved boy!

Have you asked him why he is doing it? Have you observed whether he is finding it funny or is there some reason that he is scared to use the toilet? Slightly different circumstances but my DD when she was 4 regressed a little because she became convinced she would "fall down the big toilet" - I'm pretty sure my DS put that thought in her head.

What has he said when you've challenged him on it?

Is he too absorbed in play then leaving too little time to get to the bathroom as an accident? Feeling insecure during the lock down? Missing the routine of school?
Otherwise on a different but useful tangent, buy a lemon or lime tree in the back yard, let him aim at that.. you would get a bumper crop for next summer and no foxes in the garden.

My 4 year old DS did this about 4 weeks ago for 4/5 days in a row.

When I realised it was him (and not the potty training child) I sat down with him and asked him why he was doing it. He got very upset and cried a lot and said he didn't know why he as doing it.

We had some cuddles and I asked him to try not to do it again and had lots of cuddles that day. I explained that it wasn't very nice and if he wanted me to be there when he did a wee in the toilet I would go with him.

I never did work out why he was doing it, but it stopped then and I think it was some sort of anxiety/attention.

My 5yo has been wetting himself nearly every day since lockdown. He didn’t do it before and doesn’t when he’s at his dad’s - I wonder if it’s a rebellion against something? He weed on the bathroom floor and laughed while he did it, I’m at the end of my tether - not helpful, but you’re not alone!

Is he having accidents (ie wetting his pants) or deliberately weeing?

he is not doing it as he thinks its funny as far as i can tell and we have explained its horrible and can spread germs etc. when i asked him why he is doing it he said he didn't know. I caught him once he said oh i need a wee and went to go back in the house, changed his mind and went to go to his fort in the garden. I stopped him knowing what he was going to do (wee in the fort) and told him he could go up the garden once he has done a toilet. I then found him in the bathroom running the tap pretending he was doing his wee. I watched while he wee'd then let him back in the garden. I don't want him weeing in the garden at all otherwise he will think that's OK to do. he is not having accidents in his trousers etc just literally deliberately weeing on the carpets. I think it might be the lock down change however i just don't know what to do to make him stop! I could cry lol

As previous poster I’d suggest going the more loving route and listening to him, reassuring rather than punishing route

I know nothing about 5yo boys but my instinct says it is unhappiness / anxiety / distress due to lockdown. Possibly a form of control over his life.
I'm probably wrong.

I'd say it's an anxiety thing maybe. It's something he has control over. It may be laziness if he's too busy playing when outside.

I caught one of my boys doing this at a similar age. He couldn't explain it either. It's too long ago for ne to remember what was going on at the time. He stopped though.

Maybe cry would be good? What I mean is to sit with him and explain that it's not a very nice time for anyone and that it can make you sad too, you can't see your friends either and his friends aren't seeing eachother. Then saying there will be an end to it some day but in the meantime there are lots of things to do at home and you get to spend time together etc etc.

Honestly, it worked for DS and I was amazed (I tend to get cross usually and tell them off but this time it really did the trick).