Always watching/ thinking about what I eat & my weight

[DoraemonDingDong]

For context, I'm 45, short and on the heavy end of the BMI scale. I should lose a stone to be at a healthy BMI.

I gained 1/2 stone post-pregnancies and have never lost it (children now teens) and 1/2 stone in the last year due to stress.

I was talking with DH, noticing that he looks rather tall and slim (he is). I told him that over 20 years, my body shape has obviously changed and I have gained 1 stone since we first met.

He said that's not bad, given that you've never actively dieted or watched what you eat.

Which got me thinking "wtf?!?!" Because I feel as though as though I have spent my whole life watching what I'm eating, thinking about calories, scared of food, wanting food, also enjoying food, how my body is ageing, dressing to "look slimmer" and all that DH just doesn't know about it.

I stupidly think this is normal, it's my normal for sure. Does anyone else feel like this? I can't be the only one...?

You're not alone. I haven't eaten without guilt and anxiety since my early 20s. I'm early 40s now, and I'd love to be able to just eat and enjoy my food without worrying about whether I'm going to put on weight.

But being overweight makes me more unhappy. It's a trade off.

Same as how I've lived my life. I think it's pretty normal for particularly women to live like this nowadays and those who don't are in the minority because either they are naturally slim or don't care about their weight/health.
It isn't 'right' by any means, but it is normal.