Am I a shit mother

[EttaJames29]

2 kids. They are fed every day and bathed every day, but my 5 year old eats too many chicken dippers and sometimes they wear the same pyjamas for a couple of days running. I constantly tell them both how much I love them, how proud I am of them and that they are capable of anything they set their mind to. But sometimes I also let my toddler play in the lounge on his own whilst I sit on my phone in the room next door (quite often, during lockdown). I ask my daughter lots of questions so she knows that I am interested in her but I also get frustrated often because she talks so much. I make an effort to take them out for nice walks but don't always enjoy it, and my daughter seems happier at home on her iPad. The toddler is gorgeous and I smother him with cuddles but I don't "play" with him, my daughter does though. I feel that I should be more mentally "present", but I'm so tired.

3 months of being stuck at home alone with them and I'm really doubting myself as a mother.

You are not a shit mother.

You are not a bad mum, the fact you are worried about it proves it. Your doing the best you can in shitty circumstances like every other mum out there, we would all be lying if we didn’t admit to doing several of the things you’ve listed.

Give yourself a break x

If you're shut then so am I!
You could literally be writing this post about me
They are loved
They are fed
They are clean
You're doing great

I’ve spent all day shouting at both of mine because I am tired, fed up, frustrated and feel powerless. It is not their fault but they are on the receiving end of my personality at its worst.

Thankfully DH is calm and even tempered and seems able to tolerate more questions and whinging and crying and constant demands than I am.

You are in no way a shit mother.

You sound like a perfectly normal mother to me! I also let my DD play with my toddler, I have a 4 month old so it's a real relief they have each other and kids should play pretend games with other kids if possible, it's better for them. Give me a puzzle or lego and I will get stuck in but I cannot play kid games, I'm not a kid!

You're doing great, your kids are happy, you're clearly not doing anything neglectful, even under stressful circumstances. Give yourself a break, just because you do things to make your own life easier doesn't mean you're a bad mother, it's a toxic mentality we have been convinced of

The fact you are worried your a shit mother means you probably aren't! You sound like a great caring but also human mother to me

We all need down time and my word can kids talk!

I think the key work for young families is sit survival at all cost!

I have a 6yo and a nearly 2yo, and I feel you OP! DD never stops talking or making noise (her current thing is "whistling" but in reality it's just her making a high pitched squeak which goes right through me). DS is going through a "throwing" stage. I spend most of my day stopping him from wrecking her stuff, and trying to get her to do the absolute bare minimum of homeschooling. There are many arguments and a lot of tears from everyone. DD is over emotional about everything, and DS wants to drop his nap but is doing a pisspoor job of it and is a raggedy mess most of the day.

I hide from them a LOT.

You're not a shit Mum.

Your not a shit mother. But you feel guilty about stuff your doing.

I get very distracted through work and feel shit that the whole day has been spent with me trying to email back non urgent emails and shouting ‘in a minute’ or hour ok your iPad for a bit’

Then when they go to bed after I’ve wished it was 8 o’clock all day I feel guilty.

So this is what I’ve been doing

I put my phone down and I’m not allowed to touch it till 12pm. If it’s urgent some one will ring and ring then I’ll pick up.

Breakfast then I plan activities I can do do with them in the morning - even though most mornings I can’t be arsed. Such as reading corner/ bored games/ drawing/ puzzles. Then mentally I can ✅

Then I get them out of the house to the local park/walk down canal/feed the ducks/look at flowers/try and find insects - then that’s another mental ✅

Dinner

Then I allow them to put a film or go on iPads and I can pick up my phone and chill out for a bit.

If it’s nice in the afternoon and they start fighting or getting on my nerves I let them ride their bikes out the front whilst I watch with a mug of tea.

Then when they go to bed I don’t feel like a total arsehole.

The biggest thing that I changed that helped things was putting my sodding phone down and not allowing them on their iPads in the morning

And I think most people are ready to put their heads through walls at the moment too.

Dd2 (7) has just walked in, I thought she was asleep hours ago. Totally naked saying she’s so hot the sweat from her iPad was dripping in her eyes and she could see her iPad.

Ffs!! Go to bed!

Oh god that’s all mixed up!

** the sweat from her forehead was dripping in to her eyes and she couldn’t see her iPad

You're a lockdown mother. Situation: Normal, especially the 3 day old pjs x

You are not shit. The fact that you even care shows that.

You are not a shit mother! They’re fed, clean, loved and praised. If you’re shit so am I.

I’ve toddler twins and dh is returning to work tomorrow after being furloughed - I’m so ashamed to admit I’m anxious/nervous about it as I’ll be on my own with the kids! Ridiculous really (I’ve been a sahm mostly since they were born so I know I can do it) but it’s just so much easier with an adult per child and I’ve no idea how I’ll keep them both entertained.