What’s the longest you haven’t DTD with your DP.

[Changename353]

I’m currently going through bit of a family crisis - providing the majority of palliative to a loved one/full time carer/ grandparent fighting covid/wider family falling out/money problems/still grieving loosing two grandparents last autumn etc etc. I‘m at boiling point but I’ve got too much on my plate to even think about slowing down.

I’ve been dealing with a lot for the past year but things really stepped up a gear since Xmas and then with covid. My DP is really supportive and does a lot to help me out and my family. Our main issue is DTD - I just really don’t want to or as I’m busy 16 hours a day 7 days a week I’d rather just watch tv for 5 minutes before falling asleep. I’m worried, anxious, always thinking of the next thing I need to do and I just haven’t been in the mood at all.

We’ve still probably been doing it 1/2 a week but it’s been very half hearted on my side, I just kind of just lay there until he finishes which he said he’s not enjoying but still wants us to DTD. I’m trying to assure him that when life isn’t so stressful I’m sure we’ll go back to normal but he isn’t convinced as it’s been quite a few months now of half hearted dtd/trying to get out of it with any excuse.

I feel bad for him but I just want to press pause until I’ve at least had a couple of nights of full sleep and not worried about absolutely everything.

Sorry if that's a bit flippant.

My solution is only for normal times - it's not enough when you are worried about family health etc.

Basically, he needs to try harder to share your load (mental too) AND not think that that entitles him to any compensation.

About 4 months while DHs father was dying...

3.5 years.

Serious, life limiting illness which meant that racing heart and constant breathlessness meant that I just couldn’t bring myself to.

Then a year ago had surgery which has made things better but I’ve sort of lost the urge, don’t know whether it’s my meds or whatever. We are physically close but the actual act doesn’t interest me at all. I will do it occasionally, but DP would never suggest that he has a right to do it and that I just lie back.... .

a week. Married 13 years

Went down to a handful of times a year with exh. Don't go more than 2-3 days with dp but it's a) still quite new and b) just us no kids as our respective offspring are adults

Probably a few months. No life problems or illness just laziness and low libido on his side. I am understanding if frustrated and wouldn't want him to be intimate with me out of some sort of obligation. Your dp should be understanding. If you don't want it for any reason then thats your choice.

Well last night we finally managed it, first time since the first week of lockdown. Hurrah!

But I think we have been longer than that - life just gets in the way a bit sometimes. We are still very affectionate, but I've been co-sleeping with our 6 year old for about 5 months for various reasons so that didnt help this time around!

11 months? Just didn't feel like it/kids around/illness.

I think people have this idea that if they just keep doing it (whether they want to or not) that’s better than just stopping for a while.. but actually it just builds resentment. I think we need to normalise that there will be times when the “tide goes out” re sex and not panic that it won’t come back. You’re a human being, be kind to yourself!

With 2 under 2 we probably went at least a year. Even now he's lucky if he gets it once a month

6 months

• So I told him that while I respected his right to do what he wanted with his own body, he needed to respect the fact that I don't fuck men with them. THREE SODDIN WEEKS it was before he caved and shaved it offshock*

Can you imagine the uproar if a man was saying this about his wife?

My husband said he doesn’t fancy me and won’t have sex until I shave my legs/fanny/whatever

@TurnOffTheTv

The uproar would be huge.

But as always on here, double standards are rife.

@2007Millie utter bollocks as usual

I haven’t had sex for about three months, after a post sex bleed. I’m now 33 weeks pregnant and can’t have sex until after baby. Imagining it will be 8/9 months before we do.

10 months. Bad sickness that lasted most of the way through pregnancy and recovery after birth.

Two years, broke my spine badly. My DH and I have sex once a week at the most, and honestly we think that’s a lot and sometimes just watch TV instead. He should be giving you space, and holding off until you’re into it - what is happening here isn’t enthusiastic consent.

We both work overseas frequently so we just got used to longer periods (sometimes up to 2 months) now we are both at home it is a bit more frequently but I prefer quality over quantity. I would not have said that a few years ago!!

Two years. I have absolutely no desire to.

Over a year.

Your DH sounds vile though. I had an ex like that, didn't care if I was into it as long as he got his end away. I said to myself then I would never have sex I didn't want again

Currently 33 weeks pregnant, havent had sex for 3 maybe 4 months? Constant cystitis and pelvic girdle pain dont really get me in the mood!!
I had an open discussion with my husband and explained I still find him attractive but at the moment i wouldnt enjoy sex, so wont be having it. Making sure there is lots of other types of physical affection there though.

Done it twice in nearly a year. I simply have no sex drive at all )I’m 55). Dp Is sad about this but doesn’t say anything. I feel very guilty but just can’t face it.

Coming up to 10 years, OP. Do I win a prize?

It’s a great sadness to me, but DH just has no libido at all. I’m fairly sure the undertaker will be next man to see me naked.

Once in 2 1/2 years. I share your sadness.

Since the week we had IVF embryo transfer in January last year - twins are now rapidly approaching 10 months old having been born at 34 weeks. I reckon probably 18 months 😱😱.

What I appreciate is DH is an absolute star, understands I’m run ragged with active twins who are on the go every minute they’re awake and that, when they’re in bed asleep, I’m taking the chance to wind down and rest - not once has he pressurised me to dtd despite, I’m sure, being in a place where he’d love to resume our sex life!!