Not sure if I'm out of line or he is

[Aclh13]

I will start from the beginning in a brief explanation, I met my partner at 17 and we have lived together for three out of 5 years whilst I attended uni ect. In the beginning I thought he was endgame and in a way I still do but, we have had really stressful ups and downs including a mc and me questioning every 2-6 months if we should be together then just ignoring the thought. Since then he has barely worked stating mental health, he is constantly gaming all day, his mum defends his behaviours and he can get nasty when asked to do just about anything. He can be sweet but I can't tell if I'm clinging to the fact he is my first serious relationship (I have been through this about three times before on here and he had a warning 18 months ago for domestic abuse). I am now moving to London to pursue further studies in September and sometimes I feel guilted about moving but I am doing this to be independant to forge better relationships and live alone whilst travelling independently. With all this in mind since about 9 months ago our sex life has decreased dramatically. I have tried to be mature about the situation and confronted him asking multiple questions ie, are you sexually confused, is it my weight, have you met someone new, just want to travel ect, and explained as much as it would hurt I'd rather the truth than to be lied to and live a false life, now what is your opinion because I feel like I need encouragement either which way because I want to explore my own travels and I am happy to pursue long distance but he is giving mixed messages. I feel stuck in this mundane life sometimes and feel I would maybe regret it. He doesn't want a child I want to adopt, he doesn't want to live abroad, I want to live in Germany ect.

he had a warning 18 months ago for domestic abuse

Does this mean he assaulted you?

Just leave. A better life awaits you, don’t feel any guilt - it’s not your problem & you deserve better, everyone does. Please leave & don’t look back

I came back from a night out in freshers and he got aggressive because I was drunk, smashed my phone grabbed my arms and pushed me down and ran off threatening to hurt himself I ended up having to call polica and my mum upset, we have been OK since then, normal or so friendly ish, but my mum won't see him ever or tslk to hkm makes life hard.

Talk to him *
And @chipsandgin as odd as it sounds, I've wanted to on and off for a while but feel scared about him moving on, making mistakes ect. Hence why am taking the first step of studying far away from my home city in a shared flat without him.

I don’t see why you should feel guilty. It sounds to me like you have tried to make this relationship work but you can’t do it alone. You have been through so much including domestic abuse. I really don’t see any reason for you to say.
Good luck with your further studies, use this as an opportunity to start again and grasp life with both hands. You deserve much more than this.

@HotMessTryNotToStress I have been in the middle for a while, I left out a significant amount from this post to not make him seem totally awful including the fact he has claimed my laptop for the last year and won't give it back and uses it to game every day. I leant it to him as a support until he got a phone but now can't get back as he threatens that he won't talk to me again and that I'm 'making his life hard', he also every time I question him about our relationship or not helping out enough he says it's because "I'm a bitch who always nags him about this" and it feels like a repetitive cycle. But I feel sorry for him because his family is awful and he is kinda dumb.

Just think if a friend or loved one was describing their partner to you in this way what would your advice be?
He sounds awful OP even without knowing the stuff you have left out of the post. It’s a shame his family are awful but how is that your fault? You need to look after yourself and your own happiness. He needs to take responsibility for himself.
You are being treated so badly with verbal abuse and previous physical abuse. What are your options for separating from him sooner than September?

@HotMessTryNotToStress we have been locked down together in separate rooms of my flat most of the time, I start work again next week and he's leaving in two so will barely see him, it's hard because since we met I've been through health issues and he's been through my problems with me and my main support issue so I think the main issue is that it will be weird without him around as my only true friend for that last 2 years at least

This is no good op, looks like you just don't know how to dump him.

Once you move, you'll feel so much relief.

It will be tough but I bet you will find a new lease of life as soon as you get away from him.
I’m glad to hear you will soon be back at work and he will be leaving soon, you will then have space and time to think.
I can understand he has been the person you have relied on through tough times but I think you need to build a new support network. You have paid a high price for his supposed ‘support’ dealing with his verbal abuse and the physical abuse incident. Do you have access to any counselling services through your workplace? Could your GP refer you to any services locally?

As silly as it sounds before him the reason for my health and physical problems was an abusive relationship at 15. I've always said to myself I'll be independant and not live with anyone else ect but can't seem to cut ties because of how long, despite me always giving advice to people that I don't seem to follow myself.
You have honestly been the first person to reasonably understand and encouraged me to leave, when I love the idea, as much as I wanted to. Is it bad I planned to just quote "ghost" him in London for my own mental health.

He doesn’t sound like a partner in any sense of the word, OP. Walk away as soon as you can. You sound ambitious and curious about life, so don’t let this aggressive unpleasant-sounding manchild hold you back.

Genuine question but we’re you thinking of ‘ghosting’ him because you are concerned about his reaction? Are you worried he would try and hurt you or come after you? I think you should make sure he doesn’t know where you will be living or have any contact details for you. I don’t know the answer re: ghosting but maybe to try and give yourself some closure and him too you could write him a letter when you do end it. But the main priority is your safety and wellbeing.

@TuMeke I have often thought my life would be better never meeting him. I just want to travel and meet people without this lingering ect, my aunties significant relationship lingers, she was with a guy from 16-24 and is now 35 was clearly devastated what I didn't want to go through ever, she has now met someone at 35 whilst the ex had a family got married ect. Not that that's what I want, It's just the pain and jealousy

Sorry meant to write ‘were you thinking...’.

Don’t live your life full of any more regrets, you have met him and you can’t change that. One thing you can do is make changes for your future. He does not sound like a good person or the right person for you. You have made some good plans, start aiming towards your further education and the move to London and a future without him dragging you down.

He almost lost me my degree and my future goals. I eventually want to work forndisney imagineers, for a while. Then work for space x or nasa. I only envisioned one child by solo adoption or surrogacy around 35-40. Ive been aware since probably 2018 on and off fully he's not right for me I just feel too wek to leave and can never give in just don't know how to cut those strings.

He's a deadweight, OP. It's your time to fly, and you know it.

If you still feel sorry for him in September, tell him kindly that you'll pop in and see him next time you're in your home town. Meanwhile, start practising detachment. No more asking him where the relationship going. (You know where it is going.) Take back your laptop now, as you need it for uni.

Don't feel guilty. Don't hold yourself back. Your amazing new life is waiting!