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Original poster

Least stressful age to have second child 😁

32 replies

BabyLlamaZen · 15/06/2020 20:31

The every day drudgery, the fact nothing ever gets done and I've literally just got my 7mo to sleep after nearly 2 hours back and forth. Can't wait for a shower Grin Yet I'm so damn broody? I really want to give him a sibling and despite all I've just said, I do (mostly) still love it.

Wait until he's 2 or 3 so things get a bit 'easier', or get the baby stuff done all earlier as it's hard anyway?

My job is pretty screwed anyway. I want to move onto something else so will probably need to wait until they're older for that!

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyLlamaZen · 15/06/2020 20:32

Should add - for those who've done it!

Everyone tells me it's so hard having two.

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 15/06/2020 20:38

I found a 4 year gap worked brilliantly, no double buggy , only 1 in nappies , there was no jealousy when the baby came either .

ScrapThatThen · 15/06/2020 20:49

23 month gap works really well for us - they are also only one school year apart, so infants, junior, secondary school all the stages are happening more or less at the same time. When you are going to activities or fun parks they can do the same things. Being on mat leave the second time gives your toddler a great bit of extra input. Ask me after 4 years straight of GCSEs or A levels though!

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Cornishmumofone · 15/06/2020 20:53

I guess it depends on your age. I waited until I thought I could cope with #2 and by then it was too late

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/06/2020 21:12

I have 2 years between mine and would have loved to have been sooner

Complete madness but they are best friends.

I was a lot older than my sister and we have zero relationship. We were always at different stages in life.

HgnncaNameMy · 15/06/2020 21:14

22 months between mine and Ive decided to leave a 3rd until the older 2 were at school 😁 ( currently 5 & 3 )

Id say wait at least until the eldest can go to nursery. I thought i was a brilliant mum until I had 2 Blush

DD didnt start nursery until DS was 5 months old and it was horrendous dealing with a toddler who didn't nap and a newborn who woke every 2 hours throughout the night.

DP wants two more and I think id leave it till the next one was at least 3 to have another

Drbrowns · 15/06/2020 21:22

2 years exactly between my first and second, and 26months between my second and third. It can be hard at times, but great to see them all growing up together. Hopefully oldest will be in primary school in September and middle one in preschool so might get a bit easier, if schools are able to go back.

Hibbetyhob · 15/06/2020 21:27

20 months between my 2. The first year was really hard, but now they’re older (6&7) my life is a lot easier than my friends who have a bigger gap. I’m not sure any one age gap is harder or easier - just different at different times.

wintertime6 · 15/06/2020 21:34

Get all the baby stuff done while it's hard anyway! 13 months between my two, really tough for the first year, but now that we're a couple of years down the line it's a great age gap!

Faircastle · 15/06/2020 21:40

2 year age gaps worked well, at least until their A-levels and GCSEs kept coinciding.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/06/2020 21:45

Pregnant with my second-
My first will be just over 3- for us this will be hard but at least the eldest is potty trained, never uses the buggy, and will be in school by the time I have to pay for nursery for the second. I personally couldn’t do a smaller age gap- and even now I wonder how the hell I will cope going back to the baby years, a larger age gap would be so hard for me to give up all that freedom again

Azure83 · 15/06/2020 21:56

3 year gap here as well and it's been working out better than I thought it would. Ds was potty trained, didn't need a buggy and you could reason with him and explain things, get him to help etc.
I was pregnant before dd but had a miscarriage. That baby would've been due when ds was 2.5yo and in hindsight it would have been so much harder for all the reasons mentioned above. He's grown up so much in that six months, it would have been much harder for him at 2.5.

Marmite27 · 15/06/2020 21:59

31 months gap for us. #1 was sleeping through the night, and potty trained by the time #2 arrived.

They’re only 2 school years apart due to how birthdays fall. They’re very close.

Raaaa · 15/06/2020 22:09

Going to be just over 3 years DD is fully potty trained, sleeps through the night, has a good understanding of different things now. Couldn't have gone smaller and now dreading the newborn stage all over again Confused

ExpletiveDelighted · 15/06/2020 22:14

23 months has worked well for us and continues to do so as teens. Some people
have said it's hard having GCSEs and A levels at the same time, some have said it's easier having them together. We will find out in a couple of years.

anothermansmother · 15/06/2020 22:14

3 years between my 2. They get in really well, only had one in Nappies and he also went to preschool each morning so I could do baby classes with no problems. Nice routine. Plus my body had recovered properly.

pastabest · 15/06/2020 22:18

16 month age gap here which is roughly what you would be looking at if you conceived now. Would only recommend it if you have a lot of support (I don't) but the pros:

You get the baby stage out of the way quickly, even if you have a horrific few early years.

They like the same toys (although this can cause its own arguments) but e.g bikes etc all get passed down quickly and then you can get rid of them rather than hanging on to them for a few years in between, ditto all other baby paraphernalia.

If you have two the same sex they can basically share clothes etc past the age of 3.

DanniArthur · 15/06/2020 22:19

I'm in two minds about having a second child. My DD is 2 and I think a 3 year gap would be great. It's close enough that they can play together but also DD will be at nursery full time

Clarinet53 · 15/06/2020 22:24

I have 3 years between my children. It works out quite a nice gap. My son was able to come to a scan and understand the excitement.

He was out of nappies and cots etc. This meant we didn’t have to buy everything again.

My son wanted to be involved with feeds and nappy changes.

They have a really good bond with give and take. Not to many disagreements

EezyOozy · 15/06/2020 22:33

16m age gap here - hard but worth it as I can see how close and similar they already are ! The youngest has just started walking and I'm currently unsure if this is going to make my life easier or harder ! I think in a year or so I'll be so glad I had them close together and I don't have to go back to nappies etc x

Silversun83 · 15/06/2020 22:39

22-month age gap and the first 6-12 months was brutal. I think anything under about 2 1/2 years is almost like having two babies and all the physical slog that goes with that - two lots of nappies, double pushchair, sleeplessness - in the early days particularly we had a few nights of them tag-teaming (plus the difficulty of them both being very needy but with different needs so you're constantly juggling and consequently one or other will miss out).

But - eldest napped until nearly 3 so was able to get them napping at same time most days!

And one of the key positives is that when they're older, they'll be at similar stages so will both enjoy same days out, activities etc. And mine even at 2 and 4 now will play together and entertain each other and I can see that increasing as they get older and the age/stage differences get even smaller.

Original poster
BabyLlamaZen · 16/06/2020 11:39

Wow really mixed ideas here!

I'm 30 so not in the biggest rush, but I know even now fertility can be not as great as in your 20s.

Career wise what do you think it the best?

Dh is more keen to wait a few more years, but then we are just back to square one!

OP posts:
MamaLion1319 · 16/06/2020 11:45

6 year age gap here. Other than the occasional whinges about dd crying, ds is amazing with her and can do lots of things independently as well as "help". I wouldn't have chosen such a big gap if I could help it but I know ds at age 2/3 was way more than a handful, I don't know how people manage with a toddler and newborn!

ExpletiveDelighted · 16/06/2020 12:11

Career wise it was good getting both my maternity leaves out of the way in fairly quick succession. I had a clause saying I had to stay for 2 years after mine to avoid paying the enhanced mat. pay back, so a longer gap would have meant being tied to the same company for longer. A small gap also meant fewer years when the DCs were in different stages of education, those were always the hardest years in terms of childcare, different sports days or school plays needing time off work etc.

cazinge · 16/06/2020 12:18

DD is 1 week old today, 25 months between them. DS doesn't nap anymore so days are going to be a slog but he sleeps well at night, he's not potty trained yet so 2 lots of nappies mean I'm constantly doing them. I have kept him at nursery 2 half days so we both get some respite.

I'm only having 9mo mat leave, but if I was having a year he would almost be getting his funding by the time DD starts nursery - downside of summer babies means their funding doesn't kick in until Sept.

I couldn't have waited any longer, I was already dreading being pregnant again (& both pregnancies were pretty easy). I am loving DD but I am definitely glad we have had them when we did.

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