I’ve turned to you wonderful people I need advice and reassurance and I’ve talked my self into circles about this.
Hears the back story:
Been with partner a few years. We met I was a single parent retraining . My ds dad is a poo and have had to deal with him in courts etc. When I left ds dad I was very very poor I have a few carrier bags of clothes and nothing else . Lives with my mum got my self a rental property in the nice area we live and built my home up with stuff that was either free or cheap from jumble sales. And slowly slowly ive built our lives up And made a home. My house isn’t magazine perfect but it’s very comfy and cosy and everyone says when they come in it’s nice. I’ve refrained got my self a good job I a professional sector . I’d already had a degree and worked as-well in that field.so I think I’ve done well.
To now:
Me and partner have never had issues up untill now no arguments he’s been very generous and kind. Travelled down its been lovely. Untill 3 months ago. Only a few niggles about him sleeping so much on the sofa when he came over previously to this l.
We decided to live together . Slowly slowly he got Slightly more snappy and awful, putting me down and my friends. Saying he couldn’t wait to move into the new house because he can’t stand my “shit” things. Shouting at me and literally telling me of for buying something too expensive . He shouted at me about suggestions for interior design and basically said I couldn’t have any of my furniture I should hunker down and do the graft . It culminated in him shouting at me About accidentally bashing his wall with my bag as I was leaving the house to go shopping. ( in lock down together). From that point I’d had enough and went home with ds.
I wrote a letter to him explaining his piss poor behaviour was unacceptable that I felt judged by him and his family and it was awful. ( his mum was wary of me at the start Incase I was “a single mother dss scum bag” Her words. He said it was the stress of the house buying. He was sorry said he was aware he behaving really badly and wouldn’t do I again. I didn’t talk to him for a few days I was very cross.
Next issue:
The house: I’ve found out that I’m not on the deeds of this house his parents wouldn’t let it happen. Basically they’ve paid off the mortgage on his house now so he can rent it and then Given him a large deposit for new house.
I do not want anyone to buy me a house .
But partner wanted me to pay half if renovations and the mortgage . Then we’d re mortgage in two years pay parents off and then put me on the deeds.
My opinion is it makes me a lodger he shags.
I said yo my can ring fence the money and do a prenup. I don’t want anyone’s money or to take advantage of a situation.
This situation He wants offers no security and he could turn me out any time. ( been stung before)
I’ve said I’d like to stay in my area and work through issues before I move out to live in his area. (FYI I do like new area and have friends there) just family friends are manly hear.
He refuses to move hear and it’s over if I don’t move there.
The thing that’s stung me (and I’ve cried all weekend about) is apparently I won’t find anyone like him who’ll put the effort he has , who wouldn’t spend the money on treats and holidays for us( which I couldn’t afford) and to think about the burdens I’ve brought him . Like my kids dad ( who was violently abusive, Or the studying i did and the finding new job and right place drama and my anxiety.
And I feel pretty gutted.
He said sorry fo this that he meant it objectively because “ a lot of his friends wouldn’t do it” and that I’m wonderful blah blah and that if we move in he would pay all mortgage and I’d contribute to bills.
Closest little people I’ve spoken to about this have said fuck it and not To go that I’m better than that.
Really unsure what to do. Without being a wet lettuce I still live him.
But I refuse to be shouted or demeaned or treat less than I’m worth.
Thoughts?
Sorry about the essay