Waiting til 30 to decide if I want children

[Aclh13]

All through my teens I thought I really wanted to be a mum ( I came from a big family), then after a miscarriage at 18 weeks at university I realised I was too young, had so many career and educational aspirations, travel aspirationsect. My partner has always said he doesn't think he wants kids but wouldn't rule out one. However the older I get (I'm in my 20's) I realise I enjoy not having to be responsible for anyone but myself and want to do so many things in my life where kids just don't fit in. I still get broody but not to the point where I must act on it right this instance. Many of my friends have one if not multiple children and the stress they're under along with not being able to put yourself first gives me anxiety. I'm the eldest of five and feel I spent a long time helping raise my siblings especially the youngest. I am looking to gain a doctorate in computational biology and eventually want to work for the likes of nasa. Is it weird to say I will put off kids til at least 30 and then at 30ish re evaluate my decision? Has anyone else had similar situations, (I'm not bothered that if after 30 it turns out I'm infertile, I will just look at adoption if I decide its time to have children at all.

It sounds like your thinking is at odds with your social background. Putting it nicely, this is YOUR life. Do what you want.

I have DC because I thought being 60 with DC would be preferable to being 60 with no DC. I won't know the full consequences of that choice until then.

I will say that it's better to find a partner who strongly wants DC with you and commits to sharing the load equally i.e. doesn't see housework and childcare as women's work.

You might find as you progress through education and career that you outgrow your partner by the way.

I'm already prepared and aware we might change as people, not that I have stated that yet, I think if Im honest I always imagined myself fairly successful in my career with a child by aged 40 and free to do what I want, I've been with my partner since 17 so a long time now and wouldn't know how to develop other relationships due to that. I am moving to London on my own in September so wonder what will come of that but I never knew if I was clinging to the idea of children because my partner didn't want one or If I genuinely wanted children eventually.

And also my social background isnt awful, my parents are still together both with good jobs and a nice house, but I saw the strains 5 children put on them and I too never had independence because I was their nanny from year 5 to year 12 essentially, so part of me feels done with parenting again. I also have a god child I baby sat every weekend for the first 2 years of her life from 17-19 and it was exhausting

I did this, it worked for me. Actually at 30 I still found the idea a bit overwhelming and waited again - became a mum at 35 and very happily so!

Do talk about it with your partner (eg how do they feel about adoption?). How serious are you with him?

As thatLockdown said think about the long-term - would you want to get to 60 and not have kids? Look at adoption process too as i have heard it can be long, intrusive and restrictive (though perhaps it has improved in recent years).

Also think about the balance of career and family when you get to your 30s (different careers have different pressures). I’m very lucky to have family support and a DH that contributes equally and is equally happy to take a career hit to help out with kids if necessary.

Finally - your feelings about family and your career can change, so be prepared. I am a mid life career switcher having invested a lot of my first career. I’m a lot happier now as it suits me better.

@ToffeeAppleCaramel good too hear I'm not the only one, sounds pretty similar to my initial ideal.
@Namenic he's never been fully no but never been yes let's have one right now. We have been together over 5 years lived together for 3 of them. If I'm honest I never envisioned myself having grandchildren at 60/70 thought I'd be pottering around a garden in Switzerland building pottery.
The career I want is basically a dedication, I want to support the search for extraterrestrial life sources and habitual planets using computer simulation, post degree and experience my plan is to work for Disney imagineers to gain experience, finish my doctorate, apply for a junior position at nasa or space x and go from there.