Are you obligated to receive anti natal care?

[Tiffany67]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child. Have had numerous miscarriages (12) and an ectopic pregnancy in the past. I have paid for a private scan and everything looks fine at the moment however I really don't want any involvement with doctors or midwives during my pregnancy if it continues am I allowed to just not inform anyone until the big day?

Social services will get informed as it’s a massive red flag.

Why on earth wouldn’t you want what’s best for your baby?

Sorry that was probably unnecessarily harsh. But it would be a red flag to SS. And it would be in the best interests of your health and the baby’s health to have antenatal care. Good luck

Is there any particular reason you dont want ante natal care?
I agree that it would be a red flag as it looks like you have something to hide.

Yes, it's your body so nobody has the right to force anything on you that you don't consent to.

I do find it disturbing that you don't want antenatal care though, why do you not want any medical involvement?

Iv had late miscarriages up to 17 weeks so I would find it easier to just not think about it in case it doesn't happen

Also my babys who survived just popped out I only had a 12 and 20 week scan which I can pay for myself

You can agree to any procedure, or refuse them if you so choose, but it's in your baby's best interest to have the scans offered and to have medical professionals who know your history involved.

12 miscarriages is a lot of miscarriages and you either know the reason why (for example, some people may have provoked clotting disorders, gestational diabetes and so on), in which case there are treatment routes available but they require close monitoring of your baby.
They may also want to keep an eye on your mental health. It's reasonable to let them do this as perinatal and postnatal anxieties are more common in women who have suffered previous losses.

It will also allow them to make preparations for a safe delivery if it's needed to be done early, which will maximise the chance of survival once later in the pregnancy.

No one will stop you from refusing these appointments, but consider the benefits of going to them before making a definitive decision.

If you look at the Nhs website it will explain that everything is "offered".
You have the right to refuse. People will question your intentions and you can simply thank them for their advice and say what you have chosen.
Some women choose not to have a midwife at all, others choose to have a midwife in the few weeks leading up to birth.
You could look into private midwifery and then discharge yourself from nhs. That way, you state how many calls/apts etc you want to pay for.

I would suggest discharging yourself from NHS care and going private.
That was you are in control of the care you receive but don’t have the worry of SS involvement

IIRC an intentionally unassisted birth is illegal, so I imagine actively not pursuing antenatal care would raise massive flags, especially with your history.

It’s not illegal to give birth unassisted. It’s illegal for anyone to deliver a child who isn’t a midwife or dr so they prosecute the partners, if they confess.

This is opening you up to so many problems I think its really unwise.

"I just dont want to think about it" sets so many alarm bells ringing its unreal.

When I was pregnant 20 years ago, only 20 week scans were offered anyway. But if you are going for the scans why wouldn't you see a midwife? It won't change the outcome wrt a viable pregnancy, but it can definitely make the difference to whether you get a live birth. It is fine not to think about it too much in the early months, who does anyway?

It has been proven that extra care provided during pregnancy increases success rates and reduced miscarriage.

Clearly you have emotional issues that you need to deal with, but if you want this baby to survive, more care is better than less.

Did you ever get tested for a cause if your mcs?

So sorry about your losses.

The thing is, it isn’t just the scans you need - it’s blood tests, urine monitoring, blood pressure. Many of these routine tests can pick up things which are quite straightforward to treat, but can be life threatening to you or baby if missed.

Perhaps it would be best to try and think about it like a doctors appointment for something else, until much later in the pregnancy. You could explain you don’t want to discuss ‘baby’ or feel excited etc and why - just have the checks that you need done and go.

Are you planning to give birth unassisted?

I personally think that is a really bad move since there are a lot of things that can go wrong.

Can you talk to your GP or anyone else about your fears? I can understand how traumatic the thought of maternity care is for someone who has suffered multiple miscarriages.

That’s a truly awful idea and I can’t see how it is remotely compatible with having your baby’s best interests at heart. You’ve obviously been through a lot and there’s probably more to your question, but I would suggest some counselling pronto. Are you going to deny this poor baby medical care through it’s childhood as well, or just before it’s born?

But not seeing a midwife means that something important could be missed.

Do you mean that you will hire an independent midwife?

Just reread the original post and see you don’t want any midwife care at all.

It’s a bad idea.

I can see your viewpoint on this.

I’ve had awful experiences with the NHS, maternity especially. I don’t use them at all unless I have to and dereged from nhs GPs etc years ago. The only thing I have to use them for is birth as it’s the only thing my private insurance doesn’t cover and I can’t afford to pay for a private birth myself.

I have c sections so can’t really go without - however I use private for what I can.

So I have a private midwife and pay for all my scans and blood tests privately (I can’t afford to pay for a private birth fully or I would).

I only go to the hospital to see the consultant and give birth. So very minimal contact.

Private/independent midwives can be great. They make it very clear that the woman leads the way. My pregnancy is centred around me and what I want with my midwife.

I feel more in control of my healthcare doing things this way and I am listened to and respected (outside the hospital but that’s a different story). I also get far more appointments than I usually would - she comes to my house every two weeks from 26 weeks.

If I didn’t have c sections I wouldn’t have used the hospital at all, just the private midwives.

There are so many small problems that can be picked up at antinatal checks. Yes, most women are lucky and sail though pregnancy with no problem but personally, I wouldn’t take the risk with my own or my child’s health.

Would it be an option for you?

If you just present for the birth with no care beforehand, you won’t know if the baby is head down, breach, transverse etc. There are real risks if you go into labour with a transverse baby.

Do you have anyone to support you OP, like a supportive partner or family??

I think what you are thinking of doing is a very very bad idea, although I see why you are scared.

Even if your surviving DC births were uneventful, each birth is different. My mum had uneventful births with her first two, and then on her third she had a haemorrhage and almost died and that's in the hospital.

I really feel for you with what you have been through. Could you access specialist counselling??

It sounds like you have easy births - you say your other two popped out.

In your shoes I would not bother with the NHS route and book a private midwife. They will do your blood tests and many of the companies have their own place as for scans or you can find your own.

You can then chose the level of care you have from them and chose the bare minimum of anti natal checks if you wish (they will listen to you on this, but obviously, there are checks they will need to do at certain weeks to fulfil their duty of care to you and make sure they are covered) and have a home birth with them/see them for post natal care.

If you want more I do PM me. I’ve used private midwives for two of my pregnancies in different parts of the country now, so have done lots of research.

I think if you plan to give birth in an nhs hospital it is worth having some contact with the nhs midwife before hand. They will then know your history when you give birth and give you appropriate support. I had a difficult first birth and with my second, although 6 years later, I was able to discuss how I felt and what happened. When I then gave birth this history was all in my current notes and the midwife was understanding about my fears. I am not sure I would have had this care if I only turned up to give birth. However, it is personal choice, I requested not to be weighed during both pregnancies and I was always listen to.

There's no legal obligation to engage with antenatal care. Some trusts have been known to try and involve social services but there is no child until your baby is born and therefore nothing they can do during your pregnancy other than make you feel threatened (not great).
I'm assuming that you are happy for them to receive care after birth?

Tbh though it sounds like you're traumatised by your previous experiences (understandable). I'd consider getting some counselling. Depending on where you are in the country there are some great independent midwives who might be worth talking to when you feel more comfortable with the idea. Birth can be dangerous and it'd be awful if you made it to term and it "went wrong"