Just that really. I have a great job, lovely DH, amazing DD. My parents are healthy, I have good friends but I just feel awful at the moment.
It is probably related to the pandemic, we've both worked full time in senior jobs with no childcare. We live in London, in a tiny house, no garden just a yard. We'd not bought it long before the shut down so it needs a lot doing which we've obviously not been able to progress. It's not been the ideal location for lock down to be honest.
I'm questioning my choice to live in London but I have a short commute (walking distance) so I don't want to lose the time I have with DD, especially when she starts school. I do love my job although it's not been nearly as satisfying to do from home and I worry all the time that I'm not achieving enough.
I feel miserable and defeated. I spend all my time eating, online shopping, scrolling endlessly through social media. I don't want to see anyone, as I feel so disjointed and off. At the end of the day I put my DD to bed and then go to bed myself as I feel so drained.
I think the main emotion I feel is shame that I can't be happy with all that I have, that I've chosen. I flash back to all the embarrassing things I've said and done over my life all the time. My self esteem is very very low I think.
It's not depression I don't think - I had a couple of bouts in my twenties that were totally debilitating and this doesn't feel like that (or maybe it's just the start). Could be a mid life crisis, could be peri menopause I just don't know.
I can't really talk to my DH as he is recently bereaved.
I don't know what I expect from this thread - just wonder if anyone has felt like this, or any ideas how to pull myself out.