11 month old takes 3 hours+ to get to bed at night!

[kateygab]

I am a breastfeeding mum, who does unfortunately rely on the boob to get ds to sleep at night and for naps. He naps well in the day (2-3 hours) over 2 naps, and generally is in a good routine during the day so his naps are almost always at the same time, and he wakes at the same time every morning (around 630am). But then at night we do bath and bed at around 6:45-7ish. He will be shattered and rubbing his eyes, and seems very tired and will sometimes fall asleep, but as soon as I get up or put him in his cot he rolls over and is awake, climbing on things, laughing at me. It is infuriating, and I am finding myself losing patience with it :( he will only settle with me (not that he even is) so I find I'm dealing with it on my own a lot, and I find myself starting to get very upset and beside myself that he won't sleep.. it takes me almost 3 hours sometimes, so by the time he gets to sleep, I am then going to bed (no me time whatsoever!).

I'm desperate for a solution, but finding myself reading the same things online all the time. Which is make sure he has a good nap schedule (which he does). My only concern is that maybe I am BF him to sleep and he is relying on this to stay asleep.

Hiya, That sounds tough going. My little man is 11 months but has dropped his 2nd nap and now just has one nap at around 11 am and sleeps for 1.5 hours approx. Then he'll go to bed around 7.30. So I wonder if your littlie could be better at getting to sleep at night if he had less sleep during the day?

We have tried to drop a nap for a few days a couple of weeks ago, after my mum also suggested this, but this made not only our afternoons pretty unbearable, but he would still fight to go to sleep, and he was very irritated most of the day, so I felt like he really did need that nap.

I think we're in a viscous cycle now, where he is tired from going to bed late because hes fighting the sleep, but then still up early so he's tired in the day :(

Mine never went to sleep early at night but I didn't try to make him. He'd be downstairs with us in his pyjamas, either playing or cuddled up,eventually went to sleep and one of us took him to bed. It was quite nice and cosy looking back. I would certainly never have spent three hours trying to get him to sleep when he wasn't ready for it, things just happened naturally.

I would try to wean off BF (as a sleep aid I mean, not altogether!). It sounds like it has been working really well for you in the past but is no longer working now that he's older. Changing routines is never fun, but I would try to move the BF back a bit so it's not the last thing before bed.

I don't think it can be that he's relying on BF to get on sleep since babies who really do rely on it typically need to feed to get back to sleep when they change sleep cycles during the night as well, and you don't mention any issues there. More like he just doesn't really want you to leave the room, perhaps, so will wake up as soon as you try? If so, I would think that it would be worth pushing through with a change of routine so that he gets used to going to sleep without you there. Sympathies - it's really draining.

It's a phase.

Both Ds1 and Ds2 bf. Ds2 still does including to sleep (they're 3.5 and 2.5). I doubt it's linked to that and at such a young age it'll probably be quite unpleasant trying to wean them off bedtime feeds.

I eventually learnt that it is easier not to fight it. If one of them is adamant they don't want to sleep I don't try to force it. Why not just bring him back downstairs, relax a bit and try again an hour or 2 later? This way you aren't suffering as a result.

Once they're a little older you may find that saying to them "it's ok, you don't have to go to sleep" is enough to trick them into stopping the fight and dozing off

Sounds hard. My 13month old can be a little monkey to get to sleep too.
If she's fighting it I bring her downstairs and let her watch something relaxing - sensory stuff on YouTube for example.
I find that if I take my time putting her creams on after a bath (she has one every night) then she settles much easier. I use lavender stuff on her and if I massage her properly she's really relaxed. I also give her a long bath most nights, at least half an hour to 40 mins

White noise is your friend.

I BF both mine to sleep until around 12 months then after that just lay with them, cuddled them and sang lullabies with a white noise machine on quiet in the background. Once they were asleep the white noise kept them sleeping while I slipped out of the room.

Do you use a dummy? I was a dummy snob before I had very sucky babies who needed to suckle to sleep, then I realised why dummies exist, because they work!

Assume you’ve covered lots of fresh air and stimulation in the day, a full tummy, good sleep environment - quiet, dark, not too hot or cold.

Thank you for all these suggestions! I will try out the lavender and soothing environment for sure! We always give him a bath before bed so he is into the routine but just fights it sometimes, I even see him lurch his head back once he's fallen asleep to wake himself up (maybe this is just a developmental stage!)

and I will definitely not be fighting it anymore, I am so done with spending hours trying!

I found all my kids sleep improved and they started going to sleep much more quickly once I stopped feeding them to sleep. It’s hard as it works so well when they are little but I think when they are bigger they want prolonged contact with you and so manage to keep themselves awake half feeding for hours. I remember lying there starving and fed up at 9pm. It was very frustrating.

What helped me most was moving their last feed of the day to before bathtime instead of after. Having done night weaning/stopping feeding to sleep at varying ages with all four of my DC, I would recommend doing it earlier rather than later if it is something you want to do. It’s much easier with a 12 month old than an 18 month old!

Big hugs. This is just from my expetience, so take with a pinch of salt. We realised our boy was actually quite energised after bath. Still is, at 7yo. So we cut it to twice a week and eatlier in the day. For is it was a double plus, as he is prone to exema so bathing to often is not reccomended. Try to avoid eye contact or engaging too much verbally when he wakes back up. I feel for you, big hugs.