MIL wants to form a 'bubble' with us.

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I should start by saying that I'm really close to MIL and although she drives me mad sometimes, I love her to bits.

Lockdown has been hard for her as she's on her own now (FIL died several years ago). She lives in a lovely village and has lots of friends so she's been missing her normally very busy life. I've spoken to her almost every day and the days that I haven't DH has and both DC's also ring her independently too. I make sure she has all the shopping she needs etc.

She tells me that she's being very sensible re lockdown but then will mention that she's had a friend round for coffee in her house, been out walking with another friend ('we didn't worry about social distancing out in the open') and spent the afternoon this week down at another friend's house who she has previously told me 'has far too many visitors'.

She's interpreting the guidelines as she sees fit and although I ask her to please be careful, she's almost 80 and will do whatever she likes but she's not a child, she is making her own decisions and I am not the lockdown police.

The problem now is that she wants to form a bubble with us. I have been shielding for 10 weeks now but more importantly, so is DD as she has a serious autoimmune condition. DH has told her that it's not appropriate just yet (he has been to see her several times with DS and spent time in the garden when the weather was a bit better) as we are both vulnerable but the real reason is that he knows that when she's not with us she will continue to see other people too and neither of us want to put DD at risk.

She is a lovely woman, but she is bloody-minded and will quite happily tell a little 'white lie' to suit what she wants to happen. She loves DD to bits, she just doesn't think that she would put her at risk by carrying on doing what she is already and considers us over-cautious, so with that in mind, wouldn't necessarily be truthful with seeing other people.

I don't want her to get ill. I don't want DD to get ill. Now MIL is really hurt, which is the last thing I want, but we need to put DD first. Any suggestions how to make this a bit easier? I know it's hard for her being on her own.

That would be a hard no from me, OP.
I really feel for your MIL but she can’t have it all ways. When lockdown started I formed a bubble
With my parents as I am your equivalent of very vulnerable (not in UK) and they didn’t want to not see their grandson for an extended period of time. The flip side is that the saw no one else and other than seeing each other; we completely shielded, home food deliveries etc. If she has been untruthful then it would be unwise to form the ‘bubble’ and put DD at risk.

It's been advised that shielding people do not form bubbles, so I'd go along with that. If she still insists then stay strong about it

I am unsure of the bubble concept and think people should measure the risk according to their personal circumstances. If you work in a higher risk occupation is it safe for form a bubble with others for example? If you work and have contact with general public or take public transport is it wise to have an elderly parent in your bubble? Just because the government says it's ok doesn't make it so in all cases.

I just feel shit about it. DH has a brother and a sister who both live much further away and one of them hasn't been in touch with her since before lockdown started (absolute prick but that's a whole other thread) and his sister is 150 miles away, although she phones her often.

When I mention that she needs to be more careful she'll say oh well we social distanced indoors but then will say something else that tells me that they really didn't. I really feel for her but I just think this would be a mistake at the moment.

@BackInTime

If you work and have contact with general public or take public transport is it wise to have an elderly parent in your bubble?

I would say not, but as you said, I guess people have to assess for themselves. It will put pressure on people for sure if you have two single grandparents, are families supposed to choose one?

Tell her, "I've looked into it and it's against the rules for someone shielding to form a support bubble. And of course you know that DD is shielding because of her autoimmune condition and the consequence for her of catching the virus would be very serious. I know you wouldn't want that on your conscience."

The answer is a hard no and she's just going to have to deal with it. You and your child are at high risk and you're not going to take any unnecessary chances. End of discussion. Tell your husband to speak to her and he can deal with her moaning.

You're doing the right thing. You're prioritising the health & safety of your child, you don't have to apologise to anyone for that. The. End. I know you feel bad, but what would happen IF the absolute worst happened. Your MIL could be the nicest woman on the planet but she needs to just grin and bear it for the moment.

Bubbles are not permitted for shielding people. That was very clear in the announcement. There is no decision to be made here

Screen shot the guidelines and point out the bits that show this isn't appropriate for you /her /your household...

I guess just reiterate that you’re following the rules. Shielding people aren’t allowed to form bubbles. Soften the blow with lots of “such a shame, we miss you soooo much”, but be firm that you’re following the rules.