My DS is nine. I split with his dad when he was three. Since then, he has been spending around 60% of his time with his dad, and 40% with me. This was arranged partly due to my living status, which at the time was not great, and also his father lives literally next door to school.
My ex is a very controlling person. He wants to be in charge all the time. There is never any leeway when it comes to spending time with my DS. Our old routine involves my DS switching between us 2 to 3 times a week.
Since coronavirus, we have been having a 50-50 custody arrangement, Sunday to Sunday. This is been working out really well, and DS has said he would like it to continue. However I live 10 miles away from his school, and my ex has said this is not happening due to the travel time. I do not drive.
My DS is a big people pleaser. He will tell me that he wants to stay here, and he will tell my ex that he wants to stay with him. He just wants us both to be happy. It's such a heavy thing for a little boy his age. I have finally managed to convince my ex to allow me to get some therapy for DS, so that he doesn't feel this need to please us and can be honest about what he wants to happen with his living arrangements going forward. I have said to my ex that our ds is growing up now and he needs to feel that he has some control over his own life.
Do you think a child therapist or a mediator would be the best way to go forward? I want him to be able to speak to somebody who is neutral, has experience with speaking to guarded children and can talk to me and my ex about how my DS wants to proceed with his living arrangements in the future. My ex wants it to go back to how it used to be when coronavirus is over but I think this would be damaging to a DS as he has become used to spending much more time with both of us.
Anyone here have any experience of dealing with a mediator who can speak to children?