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Original poster

Do I need mental health support or is this just life?

10 replies

Ohwhocares22 · 09/06/2020 08:21

I know I'm the only one who can answer this really but am seeking opinions after DH announced on his way out to work this morning that I'm always moaning and need to see a doctor. I'm usually very busy in a stressful full time job with a lot of responsibility. At the moment I'm on mat leave with second child, 5mo. Also got a demanding 3yo at home - she should have been carrying on with 2 days a week at nursery but Corona happened. Baby sleeps pretty well at night now but was horrific for the first 3 months and I was getting 2 - 3 hours if broken sleep a night then. Much better now but last night I was up 3 times with the eldest and once with the baby. This is unusual but not unheard of and I'm struggling today because I'm tired. Both DC were being hard work this morning and I was having amoan. Am finding lockdown hard and the eldest literally wont leave me alone at all. I've done a lot of moaning and had a few teary days and did lose it and take myself out to the shop for 10 minutes last week. DH says I'm always moaning or crying and need to see the doctor. I think it's just the situation we are in.

OP posts:

Dozer · 09/06/2020 08:26

That was v unsupportive of your H.

Why are you doing all the night parenting? Unless your H operates heavy machinery, is a roofer or brain surgeon, he should be sharing that.

Seems most likely that the primary problem is the sleep deprivation, also the challenges of lockdown with a toddler and baby.

After a bad time on returning to work with DC1 and again after DC2 I prioritised my health. Asked DH to do more parenting/domestics, went to gym at weekends, went to bed early, spent money on nice fruit and veg! I did also pay for counselling and had help from my GP with my MH (pre existing condition). Some years on I still prioritise my health - no one else will!

Molly333 · 09/06/2020 08:29

Good comments above totally agree. Also if he wants a wife who resents him he's goung the right way about it .You are doing a great job of parenting your children, he doesn't sound like he is ....

Original poster

Ohwhocares22 · 09/06/2020 08:32

Thank you for replying. To be fair, he will get up to them although I do more. You're right, I do need to prioritise my physical and mental health - no one can do it for me. Need to actually do something about it

OP posts:

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helia · 09/06/2020 08:32

Your DH needs to wake up with the eldest (and the youngest if you are not breastfeeding) to give you a break. Don't accept no for an answer - he can do it on a Friday and Saturday night if work is an issue. You need a break or you will break. I recognise this well from my own experience of having a baby a similar age to yours. Have some rest and then re-assess if you don't feel you immediately need medical help. When you aren't tired you can devise some coping strategies and talk about your feelings with more clarity. You may still need to see a GP but there may also (or instead) be practical things you can do as a family to keep you well.

Original poster

Ohwhocares22 · 09/06/2020 08:33

You're not wrong, I do resent him. And he resents me. We've fallen into the age old trap of both thinking the other has it easier.

OP posts:

Whatisthisfuckery · 09/06/2020 08:35

And what is your DH doing to support you? How much parenting is he doing? When was the last time he did the wake ups, got the DC up and gave them breakfast and let you sleep in?

The last time I checked the GP can’t prescribe a more supportive DH.

SecondaryBurnzzz · 09/06/2020 08:35

I would ask your DH to take some time off of work to give you some time to yourself. It's all very well you telling yourself what you need to do, but he needs to help you with that. You need a break to get your energy levels up and then you can deal with everything else.

Newgirls · 09/06/2020 08:39

This time is so weird. Are you able to go out and see friends? So you can talk/moan with them? I know I get into habit of sharing all my thoughts with DH and it can be loads more than he would with me.

Original poster

Ohwhocares22 · 09/06/2020 08:44

He will get up in the night, probably 1/3 to my 2/3 I would say. Mornings are a major bone of contention as I get up every single morning at 6 with the eldest. He was lying in until I had a total fit and he will now get up too. The eldest has a completely hysterical meltdown when not with me and I can't lie in bed listening to that so dont get s break at all. If I go upstairs, she comes too. Shes always wanted me but a new baby, me staying in hospital with the baby at 8 weeks plus lockdown have made this worse and she has literally not left my side for 14 weeks. I know that sorting that out would help but cant work out how.

OP posts:

Happymum12345 · 09/06/2020 08:48

It is so hard with two young children in normal circumstances let alone in lockdown. Perhaps you are down & May need some support & help from the doctors, especially if you’re crying a lot. Things will get easier as your dc get older, but for now, i imagine getting through each day is a challenge.

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