end of exile blues

[Astrabees]

I'm feeling really sad and miserable today. I've worked all through lockdown in social care, had a lot of problems to deal with and in our area there is now very little Covid and the stress should be going away. Somehow for me I'm finding life is getting worse not better. All the places I used to like to go for a walk are now packed with visitors every day. I'm a member of the National Trust but can't get a booking to any of the gardens now open. I hate having to queue for the supermarket (I'm at work during the allocated social care precedence, except Sunday and I want a lie in then.) My hairdresser contacted me yesterday to say they would be open again from 4 july, but can't offer me an appointment for 3 weeks after that and the waxing place I go to is still now showing anything about resuming. I keep getting notifed of reductions and sales from the clothes shops I go to but everything I like is sold out - I thought the shops were supposed to be struggling. there is no new normal or old normal everywhere if full of hordes of people and life is total shit. I was far happier when I just went to work, came come and stuck to the first lot of rules about not going out at all, now we have more freedom there is nothing to go to where there is an peace or space. I sort of feel that after all I've been through at work over the last 10 weeks I ougth to at least be entitled to be able to buy a new dress that fits and a nice cardigan.

The world's smallest violin playing for you 🎸

That is a nice thing to say to someone who has been working flat out on caring for people and their families for the last 10 weeks. It is OK for those who can work from home or those of the furloughed people ( like my DH ) who know their jobs are there for them at the end of this. After struggling to get PPE, deciding what risks to take in caring for those who ma become infected, dealing with frightened staff i think I'm entitled to want a bit of comfort for myself.

I'm not quite sure what it is you are upset about. Surely we should be pleased that business finally opening up are busy and thriving. This means that these business will keep going and supporting the families of those who work in them. Fingers crossed, it's a sign that the economy is not quite as shafted as we feared. Otherwise, those of us in the public sector will not only have worked through the crisis but will be staring down the barrel of wage freezes and redundancies for years to come.

OP, I hear you.

Pressed post too soon.

I totally see what you're saying OP. Well done for getting this far. Ignore the other less sympathetic people on here.

You're probably a bit burnt out and disillusioned. I would be in your shoes.

Not sure I have any actual advice for you though. Maybe concentrate on the good you've done recently. There have been a fair number of people I know who have seen this time as a holiday, been flouting the rules right left and centre and getting paid not to work. You've kept going but without many of the advantages. Just know that you're appreciated by people you don't even know. You're the one who can tell stories of your work and your contribution and be proud. Sorry that sounds trite but just take care of yourself.

I'm with you @Astrabees. Come over to the anti dementors thread you'll find more sympathy there

I get what you are saying OP, and you’re not wrong.

I totally, totally get you, OP.
I miss the life we had. I hate all the sadness. I dropped DC at school today and cried- not because he was going back but because I just looked at his young teacher doing everything possible to be supportive and loving to our kids during these strange times. Families all around us have lost members to covid. DH dropped us in the car, then had to leave us to go and sign death certificates this morning. I'm recovering from a heart attack/cardiac arrest (which is just something I never imagined facing. I've worried about brain tumours, divorce, poverty, losing my children... never imagined a heart attack/lying in ICU with a less than 50% chance of survival over 2 days. Didn't see that one coming). Anyway. I am turning this into a 'me' thing and I don't mean to. It's just weird. I miss seeing the tables and chairs in my local cafe (which you can still grab a coffee from but of course, you can't sit in. All furniture's been removed).
My point is, when the shit hit the fan OP, you had a front-row seat. You're beginning to come up for air and all you want is a nice dress and a normal day out. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but I get sad when I see all the playgrounds closed as I'm walking the dog, the weeds growing up through the pavement of the disused splash pool, the 2 metre signs everywhere, the painted arrows; all of these reminders of the fact that we're living in a shitty, sad time. We're allowed to not want this and have a good old moan about it.
Sorry for carrying on. You have my handhold. That's for sure.

I totally get it as well OP. I think this semi easing of lockdown when we can do more things but not the things we necessarily want to do or need to do for our mental health is really hard - harder than the initial lockdown. And the fact that we won’t be able to get close to people for so many months .

I am also finding this bit very lonely as all my contact with friends seems to have dropped off and I have nothing to say either at the moment .

I also want to say thank you for all the work you have done during lockdown . I guess adrenaline saw you through and now you will have to do a lot of processing which won’t be easy.

I think part of it @Endless11 at least for me, is that some of the things we can do now are enough, or nearly enough, for some people and they are a lot closer to their pre-covid 19 life.

The world's smallest violin playing for you

Very big & clever. Have a Tufty Badge.

I'm struggling a bit too OP. I work in a caring/ therapeutic role and most of my clients are heavily impacted by lockdown. I just want to be able to see them all properly and run groups again. It also means that when lockdown lifts I will be really busy.
I've decided I need start taking self care a bit more seriously instead of just preaching it! Hope your mood lifts soon, this won't be forever.

Thevanguardsix - spot on. I suppose I feel that as i've "been good" kept my team together and fairly cheerfully coped with the adversity I deserve a bit of "nice life" and when in a couple of days I've tried to buy a few things, book visits to a couple of NT parks and get a hairdressers appointment and none of these has worked out it just makes me sad.
DH is furloughed from 2 jobs and on full pay, he will be going back to both when it is safe, although he does all the domestic stuff he is having a nice time of this, for me I feel 10 years older, and worn out.
It doesn't help when all my retired and furloughed friends post on facebook with pictures of inspirational teatowels and other crap.