Please help me cope with my life

[Goldistheanswer]

I’ve NC for this as it could be identifying and I want to protect my kids. But I am really struggling to cope with life. We have so many worries and most cannot even be changed at all or easily. Where do I start? I’m not really sure, just that I know I’ve woken up today with the most awful anxiety and utter fear that my life and my kids’ lives are spiralling out of control. I have a DH who has a pressurised job, although is currently WFH, but he seems to not see the crises which we’re facing. If I do try to share my thoughts, he simply says things aren’t that bad and everything will be ok. But he doesn’t know that anymore than I do. My DD has MH issues and has episodes of feeling severely depressed, suicidal and is now morbidly obese through comfort eating to block out their anguish. My other DC is autistic and struggles in different ways but I can see that depression is creeping in for them too. Neither one attends school because of their different needs, even before lockdown and the fact that everyone is home now with the fear of this virus hanging over us (both kids are also shielding due to physical health problems) makes it a tense, miserable, stressful environment.
I do my best to be there in whichever ways I can for both kids, whether that’s to lighten the mood by joking and being silly or listening to them when they may feel the need to talk. Neither has friends because of how their lives have turned out so far and it breaks my heart. I feel like I’ve let them down, like their lives are ruined before they’ve even really started and I’m sick with fear for their future. Neither DC has much emotional resilience, being realistic I know that the one with autism will probably always struggle to form close friendships or relationships and certainly these are not things easy to develop at the best of times. My other DC has been depressed for so long and feels so hopeless. The life they planned has been destroyed by mental illness and it’s heartbreaking.
I feel sick to my stomach with our reality. We are completely alone apart from DH and my elderly DM. Friends have drifted away as our problems intensified. I have no-one.
I cannot get over this fear for my kids about what their life is and will be. I cannot see a bright future for any of us and it’s terrifying. I’m scared of them catching Covid because of underlying health issues, I’m scared of me getting it (obese and other co-morbidities) and not surviving. This would leave them all alone and I cannot bear it.
How have I let these things happen to my family? How can I help them? Any parent just wants their kids to be healthy and happy. But I see their daily torment, isolation, anxieties and I’m helpless.
Even before lockdown, I have tried to speak to my GP but they just acknowledge how hard life is for my family. Counselling is offered with at least a 12 month waiting list. When I did try therapy some years ago, I had the initial appointment and was told to call back a week later. Then I was advised that they couldn’t help as our needs were too complex!!
So then you’re left alone to cope once more.
Please be kind in any advice or thoughts. I’m feeling so weak, terrified and helpless in terms of supporting my kids, helping them to live the happiest, fulfilled lives they can.

I’m so sorry things are so hard right now. Have you contacted social services? Our SS has a charitable support arm for families who are struggling. You’d certainly be eligible.

It sounds very difficult.

Do both of your children have to be shielding because of health issues or is this a decision you've taken yourself? That seems to be a big problem to me. Not being able to go out for exercise and to see that the world is still pootaling along must be incredibly difficult.

I think you should start with eating more healthy foods and exercising at home if necessary. It will make you all feel so much better.

Have you investigated private counselling for your daughter?

Both DCs have received shielding letters which inevitably affects their confidence in even going for a walk. I have a third child who, due to a rare stomach condition, has to have high calorie foods which are obviously a real temptation to my other DC who is morbidly obese.
I’m so thankful to you kind people who have read my OP and taken the time to reply. It means the world.

Hi OP. I saw your post and whilst I don't have any experience in this area, I felt so sad for you. I saw you wrote that you felt you had let this happen to your family. But this is NOT your fault, in any way, please do not think that.
I just wanted to drop by and offer a handhold, I hope someone may be able to offer some more advice and help to you.

This all sounds so overwhelming and I can hardly believe you are still standing! Something needs to change.

I think it would be beneficial for you and your teenager to go for a walk together every day, it’s fairly easy to avoid others and the risks are tiny. It would make both of you feel better and it’s a good time to talk and it will be a break from the situation for you.

My sister had a similar problem to you with regards to the food when her youngest was born. He wasn’t able to absorb a certain type of fat and had to have foods with long fat chains or something along those likes. It involved a lot of nuts! She put his foods separately in the kitchen and made it clear to everyone else in the household that these were for him and nobody else. He needed them and they did not. You don’t need to be providing twenty avocados or whatever it is a week, just what the child who needs it is having.

One of my dc is anaphylactic to peanuts so has some separate foods, but we don’t eat them because if we did there wouldn’t be any cereal for her and we can have any. She can’t.

Remember to take care of yourself in all of this, you are dealing with a hell of a lot. You sound very despondent. Go for a walk today.

We went for a dog walk this afternoon in the rain and, although it was curtailed due to weather, it was so lovely just being outside. I get so breathless due to weight and asthma but it was so nice having that fresh air. Thank you to everyone who has shown that people care, you’ll never know what it means to me.

Oh good I’m so pleased. My walk yesterday was in the rain and I didn’t see anyone at all. It’s the only part of the day when people aren’t making demands of me.