Hi all. I need help.
Had an hour long argument with DH last night, not the first one this week
We have been together 15 years but this is the first time we have fundamentally disagreed on something politically and found we can't reach a resolution.
Basically, he doesn't support the BLM protests, which I was prepared to agree to disagree on but it transpires after a lot of discussion that he doesn't really agree with the BLM movement and I cannot reconcile with it at all.
I would say he is not racist (I would not have spent 15 years of my life with someone who was) his issue seems to be that he doesn't believe that white privilege really exists.
He's lived a privileged life in that he hasn't experienced or even witnessed racism. I am white but grew up in a big multicultural city and witnessed racism a lot as a child/ teenager. It was commonplace in my school in the 90s and I always knew it was wrong.
He grew up in a white working class area and so feels like he had a hard beginning yet got an education and a PhD with no parental support so feels like he did this off his own back and didn't benefit from any privilege because he was poor.
He knows there are racist people but doesnt agree there is systemic racism in the community holding the black community back so it's almost like he's taking it personally that no one is acknowledging his own struggles and keep saying he won't "apologise for being white". I've been over it a million times. Ive told him no one is asking him to apologise or saying he didn't have it hard.
With the issues in the US, if I bring up the police brutality or the disproportionate number of black or Hispanic people stopped by police, he says where's the proof this is happening to innocent people because the crime rates are also higher in these communities. I have argued that crime rates are higher because the communities themselves are disadvantaged then it comes back round to him being disadvantaged but not turning to crime.
I feel like if there is one thing I can do during this time it is make him see sense. He is a good person but seems blinkered on this. Can anyone recommend a documentary that would help explain systemic racism in the US? I have heard '13' is good, has anyone seen it?
Also, I have a 4 and 2 year old. The eldest goes to a diverse school and has good friends who are black. My best friend is indian and her kids come over a lot so my kids are used to lots of people in their lives who have different skin colours and have never mentioned it, I think they consider it in the same way as different hair colours. I thought this was a good thing but now I'm realising that maybe DD needs to be educated as she gets older that skin colour is something that some people discriminate based upon so that if/ when she does witness it she is able to recognise it and stand against it. Do you know what I mean? If so, can anyone recommend a good book for a 4/5 year old that deals with this issue?
Thanks.