Feel like the worst mum in the world - sleep training a two year old?

[Cryingmakesmecry]

Dd is almost 2 and has never slept through the night. Wakes up roughly every 2 hours to breastfeed also.

Lately she will not go to bed. I now have to sit in her room with her on the floor for hours until she passes out from exhaustion. She still naps during the day from 1 until 2:30 and wakes up around 8am (because she refuses sleep until 10/11).

The other night she woke up at midnight and was awake until 4am! I ended up falling asleep on her floor waiting for her to fall asleep.

She’s in a single bed so just gets out whenever she wants. I just tried to do the controlled frying method and it was a disaster. I left the room for 3 minutes and she screamed and screamed and was in such a state she choked. When I went back in she clung to be so tightly whilst sobbing I started to cry myself, it was so unbelievably sad I feel so guilty for putting her through that and it was only 3 minutes!

There has to be a gentler way of doing it surely?! I tried the slow retreat it doesn’t work because she refuses sleep. Also her room is tiny so I’m already next to the door on the first night

Please please give me any advice or tips! I know I need to toughen up, it’s just so hard seeing her so sad!

Why is she in a bed rather than a cot?

Usually the very young toddlers sleeping in beds do so because they cosleep with parents. If she's in a bed so young, you'll probably need to cosleep in with her, at least part time.

She’s never slept in a cot. Was in a floor bed from around 3months. I really don’t mind cosleeping with her, but she doesn’t sleep if I’m in bed with her either in her bed or my bed, she just thinks it’s time for play

Personally, if she's in a bed, I'd just get in with her and sleep with her. If she falls asleep before you I'd try to creep back to my own bed, but if you fall asleep, just stay there. She's only 2 and you all need your sleep.

Oh, just read your last post.
Sorry, but it may be that you need to get a bit tough.

Do you breastfeed in the night? Are you planning on night weaning? (Not a loaded question, I'm just asking). It's just you cannot realistically expect her to not need you for comfort to go to sleep, if you are her sole comforter in the form of breastfeeding.

On a seperate subject, what's she like generally (away from sleep) with accepting behaviour boundaries? Do you ever have cause to say no and mean it? How does she react? Will she follow instructions you give her - stay there, come here, sit still, don't do that (kind of thing)

Yeah she still breastfeeds on demand she wakes up at least 4/5 times a night for it, I know I should probably think about weaning her now, it’s just tough as she does rely on it heavily for comfort both night and day.

She’s really lovely, I know everyone says that about their baby but she really is! If I tell her not to do something she will (for the most part) stop. Says please and thank you, if I ask her to wait a minute she will wait patiently as long as she’s not hurt or scared iyswim. She’s honestly a really well behaved and independent little girl during the day time, that’s why I find it so tough to listen to her cry like that because she literally never does!

What happens if you chuck the nap? We had to lose the nap at around 18 months or so to get my son to sleep before 9.

What I did from about 2 was explaining the hard and fast rule that if he stayed still with his eyes closed, I'd stay and cuddle him to sleep, but if he messed around, I was going. I did have to follow through and go on occasion, but generally it worked. My logic was that if he was safe and secure and he kept his eyes shut, falling asleep was a matter of time, and it generally works for us. It was such an improvement on the first 18 months of his sleep 10 minutes a night spent cuddling him was no hardship in comparison!!

I will definitely try that! I have no problem lying with her as long as she settles. Everyone keeps telling me I’m making a rod for my own back, but I just don’t want her to be distressed

How long do you want to continue breastfeeding for?

I was planning to continue until she self weaned

Honestly OP no offence to you and everyone has to do what’s best for their child and their family. I personally just find it difficult to advise people who want things to change but are reluctant to change. 2 year olds don’t like change, they are stubborn, they are demanding and they are prone to a tantrum. If you feel that weaning/ separating at night is too much for you and her that’s fine but I would suck up the consequences.