Hi all
I’m sure this has been covered before but I’m struggling and could do with your wise advice. It will probably be long.
My oldest DD is 10. I think lockdown has exacerbated all this but it’s been going on a lot longer. My DD is a lovely girl, can be kind and generous, seems to try hard at school. However, she also has a temper on a knife edge. As soon as I ask her or tell her to do something she doesn’t want to do she goes from 0-100 without warning. It used to be that there was some build up so a chance to intervene to calm things. But now it’s like she snaps and it’s too far gone immediately.
For example, she will immediately respond aggressively, shouting and quickly escalating to screaming. She is rude and answers back and keeps going even when it’s clear that it’s going too far.
This will likely go on for a while and can often involve her taking things out on her younger sisters. Occasionally she will lash out.
Often she becomes so angry she’s in floods of tears. Sometimes she will become distraught and her reaction is so over the top in relation to the initial trigger that I’m left bewildered and without a clue what to do. Some days I feel like I have tried every idea I have and have nothing left to give her.
She does not respond to me being calm and encouraging her to use the various strategies we have discussed to help her calm down. She simply refuses saying that they don’t work. She doesn’t respond to me getting angry either. I try my best not to and to try to stay emotionally connected to her but don’t always manage to stay calm. This helps neither of us.
She also seems so anxious about things, always worried she will get things wrong. Even to the point that she has to check that her ideas for her playmobil games are okay. She seems to have no resilience.
When she calms down again, sometimes hours later, she can quickly go again with another trigger. She doesn’t know why she gets so angry and she doesn’t like it, she wants to change it. I’ve tried praise and consequences but struggle to be sure what would be a relevant consequence at times, although removal of screen time is a common one.
I have arranged counselling for her, starting soon. Hoping this will help. But I also want to know if this is normal behaviour for a 10 year old? I know that hormones are likely at play, tiredness probably a factor at times, hunger possibly (she’s generally a great eater but doesn’t like breakfast). Lockdown has taken a toll on her, she’s craving normality.
Any wisdom from those who have been there or are going through similar? Thanks