Can I ask about cuddly toys for babies?

[BessSedgwick]

DS is 13 months and has a teddy he absolutely adores. It was initially a sleep aid, but as he's got older, he's got more and more attached to it, to the extent that he wants to carry it around everywhere and it's become a general comfort object. I thought this was fine (good, even, that he had a friend to bring him so much pleasure!) but he's started back at nursery this week and his teacher there clearly doesn't like him having his teddy and has been trying to reduce the amount he has it. Is it a problem that he's so attached to his teddy? Should I be reducing the amount he's allowed to have it?

Any advice gratefully received!

Buy at least two more of the same teddy, start swapping them in so that they all get equally tatty at the same rate. You' ll thank me if you lose one!

Anyway, nursery teacher can do what they like, but mine both had comfort objects and hasn 't done them any lasting damage. They grow out of them on their own eventually.

Ours started becoming a problem because whenever he had teddy he would stick his thumb in. It definitely was a problem the dentist said his jaw was starting to move.

So, I started with the rule that teddy must stay in DC's bedroom. He could always go up there and be with teddy, but teddy must stay up there.

It took about 3-4 days, and he got used to it. There was very little upset to be honest. I found it easier to 'blame' the dentist tbh, so you could do that and say nursery have 'told' you.

Absolutely, DO NOT CRACK! Not even once. Otherwise you have to go through the whiney phase all over again.

Just ask nursery why it is a problem. It may be they are worried about losing it or it may be making other children want one.

Have they given you a reason?
I've seen advice from nurseries asking for comforters not to be brought from home as they can't be disinfected but that's specifically in response to Covid.

comforters aren't usually encouraged in a nursery setting in case they get put down, lost or picked up by another child.

I'd suggest starting at home by ensuring it isn't around outside (garden and walks) or at mealtimes. Even at 1 children understand different rules at home and at nursery so don't worry too much. perhaps don't automatically get it out of the cot unless 'asked' for.

The one they have at nursery just lives there and now they're washing it every day with the kids' bedding and stuff,so I don't think it'sthat. (We have three on the go, Billy, because we were worried about losing one like you said!) I get the impression she just doesn't approve of him using his teddy for comfort, so I wondered if that was considered to be a bad thing.

Probably just need to woman up and ask her about it, don't I!

Thank you, Di11y, that makes loads of sense. The problem is that he won't sleep without it, and sleeping is hard enough at nursery! I'll try reducing where he's allowed to have it at home and see if that helps.

I see no problem with a kid having a teddy, nursery are probably just worried about losing it. Imagine if 30 kids all bought in their teddy, then they have to keep track of who's is who's, where they left it, where it might have been moved by one of the other kids, stop fights/ meltdowns when someone else touches teddy. It's just easier for them if all teddies stay at home.

I'd let him have it as much as he wants at home, but say it has to stay in the house so it doesn't get lost.

My DDs comforter toys were essential to their wellbeing at that age, and they had them at nursery/childminder - like you, they had a spare that stayed in that setting. I think it could be detrimental to your child to expect them to give the toy up in that setting before they’re naturally ready to - especially if they need it to go to sleep. The nursery teacher may disapprove of a child using a toy for comfort, but that doesn’t mean she’s right. 13 months is very little to say ‘teddy has to stay in your bedroom’, etc. Mine gave the comforters up during the day when they went to school - the toys were left in the car when they were dropped off. As you say this is a positive thing for your child’s wellbeing, and not something that should be restricted because nursery staff show disapproval. Comforters are normal and healthy at that age.

At 13 months I think it’s fine. What is wrong with having something to make you feel secure That you are attached to? You don’t see many adults walking round with a teddy , so pretty sure he will grow out of it. As ratio is 1:3, losing it shouldn’t be a problem. Our nursery are fine with a comforter, even in the current climate. ( just no extra toys, weighing up well being with other risks)

I'm a room leader of an under 2s room. We allow and actively encourage comforters. As they get older (nearer 2) we would encourage them to be for sleep or when upset rather than being with them all the time as when they go to school they won't be allowed it.
Dummies however are a different kettle of fish. We do try to encourage them to be used for sleep only as they do affect their speech. However we would never stop a child having it if they needed it.
My own son is 5 and has 5 monkeys in bed with him (he found the spares) he doesn't take them to school but if we go out and about he's allowed to take 1-2 in the bag with us.

Thank you all so much for your advice. I understand the point about the teddy getting lost, but there are only nine kids in his 'bubble' at nursery, so I don't think that's it.

I'm really reassured by how many of your children had comforters! Teddy shall maintain his position as Favourite Person (well above me or DH!).