Hi,
I'm recently married and have been with my partner for 5 years.
We have no DC of our own but I have 2 DSC through his previous marriage. Kids are great and no probs there, I love having them in my life. When we got together we were on the same page re having our own DC but he changed his mind a couple of times along the road and I lost confidence in him (we were an IVF couple due to me). He's now of the opinion if I want children that's great and he says he's onboard but I feel I'm too old now (approaching 43). I feel cheated by him in that respect.
Before we were married we had issues which resulted in him forming a liaison with OW who featured on and off about 2 years prior to our engagement (he's quite needy) There was a very close overlap between us breaking up and him getting together with the OW about 2 years prior to our engagement. He went back to her on a couple of occasions.
This was a massive bone of contention in our relationship. I decided to take a leap of faith in respect of getting married as I've always been hesitant about a long term commitment due to parents divorcing when I was young (my issue not his).
Our marriage has always consisted of him working away Mon-Thu and being home for long weekends. It's worked well in this respect but I've always felt something is not right.
I have major issues with trusting him (suspect some of that is my issue) but also down to the fact he has gone behind my back on several occasions with OW.
I just feel that our relationship is 'done'. I wish it wasn't so but due to recent events and past indiscretions on his part and recent 'lads banter' as he's puts it (chat about women online) I've gone off him physically (it's been a long time coming).
I don't know what to do for the best. I love him, I just don't like him and it's starting to get my down physically and mentally. When we're apart I feel more like myself and have more energy (yet I still yearn for him and miss him when we're apart).
I feel like I can't carry on like this but I don't know how to cope without him.
It's not a financial issue about leaving him as I can cope fine, it's more an emotional issue as to leaving him.
I'm at a loss as to what to do. I just don't know what to do for the best. Do I carry on and try or do I go it alone?