Apathy

[A1A1]

After an intense few years emotionally I feel totally “meh” about absolutely everything and as an introvert, I have loved the change of pace brought about by lockdown - wfh, fewer social expectations etc.

So in once sense I’m the happiest I’ve ever been as the pressure is off in lots of ways.... though saying that I also feel totally neutral about most things. It’s like I can’t muster up much enthusiasm for anything but actually I don’t care. I’m apathetic about my apathy!

What to have for dinner - meh.
LC with close relative - meh.
What to wear each day - meh.
Big deadline for big project at work - meh.
Untidy house - meh.
Good financial position and corresponding choices/options - meh.
Friendships that seem to be drifting - meh.
Friendships they seem to be blossoming - meh.
Tired - meh.
Good weather - meh.
Fat arse - meh.
Shit wardrobe - meh.

So much doesn’t matter when lockdown is in place and it is a relief. I like living in this bubble where not much happens, where I don’t have to dress up for work or stretch myself to meet family obligations. But I still feel meh. But I like that too - it’s quite nice to not give a shit about anything much.

Do you not care or are you numb?

I feel kind of similar. I am an introvert and have enjoyed having less demands on me. I feel more like I am numb though, and unable to cope with my usual life.

A bit of both.

It’s like I’ve gone from everything bothering me to nothing bothering me and I quite like it. Maybe I’ve used up my quota of emotions?

Somehow it’s liberating to not have to care or make much effort. I don’t want lockdown to end!! Going back to that fast pace with all those things that I need to stay on top off or that suck energy from me is not appealing.

I like the simplicity of life at the moment. But it’s also making me feel totally meh. Like I’ve taken my foot off the pedal, knocked it into neutral and then just cruising without having to worry about indicating or changing gear or breaking or checking the mirrors. But also like there’s roads I could go down or should go down - some are nice, some are not - but either way can’t be arsed.

I think I was feeling really burdened by everyone and everything else. And now I don’t. Which is a relief. But I thought I would feel elated and light and happy - like the other end of the spectrum, but I’ve settled somewhere in the middle with my meh meh meh.

I love your post op. I am an introvert, know exactly what you mean!

Yes totally feel this. Keep getting anxious about being thrown back into everything and having to go from 0 back to 100 if we are told we need to go back into the office rather than wfh for example

I panicked about lockdown at first but now I am loving it. I have looked at life in a totally different way and realised I don't want or need a lot of what I had. ( selfish friends and also family )

I'm totally meh. I always have been. Lockdown has been lovely for me and now it's coming to an end I can feel my anxiety rising.
Friends and family used to tell me to get a life but I'm actually thinking after lockdown there may be a few converts to the life of meh. Surely there must be?!

Yes to this! No hurried decisions, no running about due to lack of time etc

Totally get it!

my manager shared the good news that soon we will be able to start going to meetings again...

my heart dropped

Life of Meh. Yes that’s it.

After years of people pleasing, I currently don’t have to. It’s freeing. But I thought I’d feel happy about this, instead I just feel meh.

I feel similar although I'd be happier with DS back in childcare. Yesterday I had to put on decent clothes and makeup for the first time in months and I felt quite anxious. I literally couldn't remember what my make up routine was. The thought of having to get up and out for work again in the future fills me with dread!