2 under 2?

[SquatterButNosh]

So I’ve just had an early BFP and if all works out (fingers crossed) I will have a 20 month old when new child arrives.

So what is life like with 2 under 2? And what pushchair would you recommend for a toddler and a newborn?

Any tips in general?

I realise I may be getting ahead of myself but it took years to get pregnant with DC1 so I’m enjoying the moment.

Thank you. There is some really helpful and insightful replies here.

I’m sorry to those that are struggling, I hope things get better for you soon.

From replies it does seem that routine is key, and something I will really look into.

I suppose the silver lining is we’re getting all the sleep deprived times out in quick succession.

We’re also really lucky that we have lots of help from family.

Haha @NoWordForFluffy I’m the opposite, I’ve got three and the gaps are 2x 20months.

I’m glad I did it now but I’d say the “ideal” windows are > 18months or < 24months.

I had a m/c after getting preggers too quick after DC1 and I think about the baby that would have been a lot, the gap would have been 13 months WTAF, but knowing what I know now it would have been just dandy.

@SquatterButNosh congratulations, you will be fine and extra congratulations on DC1 being a good sleeper, chances are they will stay as such.

My top tips are

1. Get a double off Preloved or Gumtree - our nearly new Out n About Nipper Double was £100, bargainlicious

1. Same goes for an Ergobaby 360/Baby Bjorn Miracle/One

1. Don’t rush to toilet train DC1 in advance of DC2 coming, two in nappies is a doddle, not the hellscape so many infer it is.

Older child, then 18 months between my younger two. The only thing I regret is that the middle one ceased to be my baby once the new baby arrived. His older cousins were still 'babied' by my siblings whereas he was always big brother when he was just a baby himself.
Like pp, I had a sling for the first few weeks and continued to push a buggy. Then bought a tandem which was great for getting on public transport. One of my best buys was a playpen/ travel cot which I'd place one in if I was busy seeing to the other.

I've a 16 month gap between my first two. Like OP we tried for ages for DC1 then got pregnant first go with DC2, despite me still breastfeeding. It was a bit of a shock at first, I can tell you.

The first year was a bit of a blur but it got better after that. The boys are in their 20s now and still best friends. And they have a younger brother, which proves it really wasn't too bad as if it had been I wouldn't have had another

Congratulations OP ❤️

I have a 14m gap between my 2 and for the most part, they love each other and have done from them beginning. My 2 were both reasonable sleepers. They have their moments. Of course they do. But I think it's easier when they're tiny as you can put them down. It's when they're both walking that the fun begins 😂

Yes. It's hard. Of course it is. Some days you will be desperate for just 5 mins to yourself. But it's manageable. I have a side by side mountain buggy and I can recommend it. It's a big old workhorse of a thing but it's brilliant.

Whatever expectations you have just lower them. And then lower them again.

All fed, none dead and you're winning!

12 months between my 2

Really really hard to begin with but got much easier and in fact I think easier than older age gaps (if my friends' complaints were anything to go by!)

14 and 15 now and they get on well although they've had a couple of failings out during lockdown. They are pretty chilled and laid back kids generally.

I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut, there is no way I'd describe a 13 month gap as 'just dandy' initially!

Every now and then we'd look at each other and say 'In a year it'll be so much better' (for things like not needing a bloody buggy, or them both being out of nappies, or them both sleeping through - though DS was a bugger for this one!). And, each year is easier, we were right!

I'm glad we did it this way (our choice was also because of my age and we didn't know what job I'd have when I qualified if we waited). I can't imagine starting over again as the further we get from nappies the more I'm pleased I never have to go back there again!

My first two were 18 months apart and I loved it. They always had a little playmate and were at more or less the same stage until their teens really. Sling plus buggy or a double if like me at the time you have to do a lot of walking for shopping and chores in general. My children are adults now so I couldn't comment on buggies but there is a big balancing act to be done between an ergonomically sound pram and something cheap but hard work to use when you know it will only be useful for a few months.

Mine are just under 19 months apart and the year after my 2nd was born felt all consuming. They are 4 and 3 now and are ones of those small age gap siblings who are very close so I’m very lucky! I feel like their small baby years are so long ago - I am sad and relieved about that at the same time.

One of the things that made it easier in the early days was having a travel cot downstairs where my youngest could nap or was a safe place to put him down out of the toddler’s reach for any reason.

I had a baby jogger city mini double 2nd hand - it was £120 and came with carry cot attachment for the first months with second baby - otherwise it is not parent facing if that’s important to you. Easy to manoeuvre but heavy to lift when folded!

Congratulations 💐 Enjoy and although it’s cliche the phrase ‘it’s just a phase’ is true. The hard bits always pass in the end.

It's really exhausting, worth it but some days I am pulling my hair out although their bond is lovely, they are very close and play together sometimes they do "fight" over toys but they are learning to share.

I used/use they oyster max tandem.

22 month gap here.

First year of #2 was a FUCKING BLUR. It was just work work work work.

I didn't mind having 2 in nappies for a good year, I was quick at nappies. I didn't have any problems with feeling I wasn't giving #1 attention - he watched a shit load of cbeebies between 2 - 3 but who cares? That didn't stay the same long term. As long as he was in the room with me whilst I was BFing I didn't care. I was sensible that it wouldn't scar him for life! He loved it!

But the relentlessness of one of them always needing something was a shock. With one, when they're quiet, all is quiet.

With 2, when one is quiet, the other is kicking off! So it is twice the demand.

The house was a mess and we ate shite. Both were bone crushingly bad sleepers. I didn't sleep for 4.5 years in total. I just survived.

BUT!

Once they turned 4 & 2 (ok, 2.5 when they slept through) everything got a lot better.

Now they are 5.5 and 3.5. And are very close. Have been invaluable to each other during quarantine. Are at the same level to enjoy the same cartoons and the same dinosaurs etc. Laugh at the same stuff. Both like crayons and painting on plates. Both have bikes with stabilisers. Both parrot the same stupid sayings over and over and fall about cackling at each other.

I know it's not going to be always this nice. Next door has a boy of 16 and a girl of 14 and they just grunt at each other and piss each other off and blank each other. Their parents are sad. But it may swing the other way when they grow up.

I'm v v v glad i got everything out of the way in one go. There's a lot to be said for just spending a few years pulling the plaster off in one go!

I had 18 months between my first and second and it wasn’t that bad. Neither of them slept terribly well but as soon as DS2 was toddling they started to play together. Try to find places you can go safely with two, parks you can drive to with a secure grassy area the toddler can toddle about in, soft play once it’s open, toddler groups ditto. I then had 2 years between DS2 and DS3 and under 2 years between DS3 and 4 so it didn’t put me off

17m between my 2nd and 3rd and I loved it. They're 9 and 10 now and get on reasonably well, they were very close up until about a year ago, sleeping in the same bed, same activities and friends but well hormones!!

The early years were a blur but they were ok. Neither was a sleeper, that hasn't changed. Because I had an older school aged child they did have to slot into a routine, so it was plonk in double buggy to school and nap 1 for baby, and dog walk at lunchtime for the much longed for double nap.

I had a babyjogger city mini double. Dd2 was a great and early walker but I wanted them in a double for walks so if they did sleep I could eat something without sharing or someone on me! I used a sling at toddler groups though.

We had 2 cots until dd2 started climbing at 20m.

I loved it all I would say is write things down, like first steps etc as I didn't with #3 (or 4..) and I have no idea when she walked.

We have 10.5months between now and 3 and 19months later no4 came along so we had ours hands full. Routine was important for us but also knowing when to say screw the routine and just make it through the day! We used a Phil.and Ted's verve and a wrap.

They are 8,7 and 5.5yr now and its def become easier recently

Mine are 20 months apart. It wasn't as bad as I feared. Thoroughly recommend the Mountain Buggy Duet as a double pram. It's as narrow as their single prams so fab for small shops / taking on the bus etc. but is really tough and will plough through any terrain.

13 month gap here...DD1 followed by twins. I found it very hard, just a treadmill of nappies, feeding, sleeps etc. Things improved slowly as they got older and gradually more independent, but I still look back on those days and it’s a blur.

Hardest and worst year of my life! 19 months between them! Can't wait for it to be less shit!

Congratulations!

22 months exactly here. The first year was so hard, I look back at it in horror. To be fair there were lots of other contributing factors like ds2 becoming very poorly at 8 weeks, probable undiagnosed PND for me and housing issues so none of that helped, but I still think it would have been hard otherwise.

Ds1 slept 7-7 from 11 weeks old. Ds2 woke in the night for milk until he was nearly 2, was rocked to sleep and for every waking until he was 2 as well. He’s only started sleeping through the night 2.5.

I find it’s so much easier now they are 2 and 4. They play so well together, never bored although they fight a lot. They love all the same outings/games/shows/stories. They have the same bedtime. It’s just so much easier. The only thing I struggle with is dividing my time equally and they do get quite jealous which is something I don’t think we’ve ever been able to shake off from ds1 getting jealous of newborn ds2. But I guess that can happen with any age gap. Wouldn’t change it for anything though

I'm due to have DC2 in November and there will be 19 months between DD and baby number 2. I'm not planning on a double buggy as I don't want DD to be reliant on being in it for ease so I'm planning a sling and reins then a buggy board by Spring. I'm imagining it'll be hard, but I'm looking forward to it

Congratulations - similar situation for me took ages to pregnant with dd1 and dd2 appeared before we were trying!

19 months between my two, invest in a double buggy - I got a mountain buggy it was fab, definite utility over style.

It was really hard work, but gets the nappy / tiny baby bit over in one go. Definitely think about your routine, and accept life will be an utter blur, and now at 7 and 5 1/2 they are pretty good pals.

15 months between mine.

Make sure the people around you understand just how hard having 2 under 2 is and don't be afraid to ask for help.

As with all babies it depends on their individual temperament as to how easy or hard it is.

Despite the really really hard first 2 years where I felt I wasn't meeting either of their needs properly things are definitely on the up (if you ignore all the covid shit). But I definitely expected too much of the eldest at times (who had to grow up much quicker than her peers) and babied the younger one for far longer than I should have done.

The 3 year old now enjoys making up games to play with the 2 year old and is very bored when the 2 yo is napping and the 2 year old absolutely hero-worships the older one and copies everything she does. It melts my heart when they insist on cuddling in bed with each other in the mornings and when they look out for each other and share/ play nicely.

Less so when they are licking each other's bums in the bath pretending to be dogs

As for prams, you want an Out N About Nipper Double 360

I had 3 in 20 months. 3 in nappies. 3 to play musical chairs with a double buggy and the sling. 2 would have been heaven. It will be fine, get a sling and sync their naps.

20 months between mine.

Honestly the first year was very hard.

However, since the youngest got to about 2 and could properly interact, my life has been much easier than those with a larger gap. They have a constant playmate and are close enough in age to be interested in similar things; it’s easy to accommodate them both on a day out etc etc and while it was intense in the early days, that bit is all out of the way instead of spreading it out.

It has worked brilliantly for us and is the gap I’d choose again.

Congratulations!

18 months between my DS and DD. It's still early days, DS is only 8 weeks old but I absolutely love being a mum of two and am so pleased we've got a small gap. I spent most of my pregnancy feeling worried about how I would love another baby and how I would cope but it's been brilliant so far overall, apart from lockdown which makes it hard trying to entertain the toddler. Don't get me wrong when they're both crying it's horrific and I feel terrible guilt that their needs aren't being met sometimes but I'm so happy so I guess that makes up for the bad moments. I feel so lucky to be experiencing the newborn stage again, it's so precious. I did find being pregnant second time much harder though for some reason so felt incredibly guilty that I didn't have that long with my daughter before being pregnant again and not feeling great but I was probably giving myself a hard time as I still took her out every day and went to lots of playgroups and classes so she was far from neglected but mum guilt is very real eh!

Congratulations .

16 months between DC1 and DC2 and 20 months between DC2 and DC3. DC1 actually turned 3 the month DC3 was born! Like many others, we tried for ages to conceive DC1 then fell pregnant really easily with DC2 & 3.

As many others have said, it’s hard. It’s the juggling of different highly-intense but slightly different needs, so you never get 10 minutes to yourself. We have had terrible sleepers so have now had years of 2-3 hours of sleep a night, which has almost broken us. There’s also a lot of guilt, as only children/children with larger age gaps have a lot more one-on-one time and individual attention, can go to baby classes etc. If you have family help that’s great! Or if you’re able to afford to send the older one to nursery for a little bit that will also be a lifesaver.

There are so many positives though. My older 2 have been so close from a young age and want to do everything together. It will also be helpful later down the line when we need to do fewer school runs etc. Plus, I really struggled with pregnancy and have damaged my body quite a bit, so I’m looking forward to putting the ‘pregnancy days’ behind me and getting fitter and healthier sooner than if we’d spaced things out more .