How long did it take you to get over wanting another child??

[anxietrist]

I'm mid thirties with 2 school age children and there are so many reasons why another isn't on the cards.... but I just can't stop thinking about my imaginary third child and it's driving me crazy! If you felt like this, how long did it take you to get past it? I just want to get on with my life and stop thinking about it.

@monsterific that is in many ways why we had a fourth. And while I would never never unwish my fourth, now I've met him... In all honesty, I'd counsel any friends wanting 4 to really really think about it (or myself, if someone told me I'd have to roll the dice all over again so wouldn't get the same dcs anyway, sad thought though that is).

Ours have pretty good relationships together, DH and I do too, we earn quite well... But while they're young there's just not enough time to spend with any individual, whether child or adult. This works well for people who love being part of a pack, but if you then have a child like my DS2, who is very sensitive to the general knocks of life and other people, doesn't like big groups and needs time alone and one-on-one it's hard. Similarly, if anything goes wrong - like when my DH got very ill and for a time I was both sole earner and main carer - there's just no flex.

If I was back in my family's home country, where families live together and all help out, and domestic help is plentiful, having 4 would be amazing, but here without family or live in help 2 adults:4dcs is a hard ratio. Our DCs are amazing and we don't lack for love, money or car seats, but we have to work SO hard to make sure that there's enough time and attention to go around - lockdown has really shown us our limits.

Never. My partner and I aren't trying but if I did fall pregnant i'd be over the moon!

Stick with two! We had a third and he’s really cute and funny, but holy jesus life is so much harder.

I found broodiness comes in waves, when they start nursery and when they start school triggered it in me, and I also had two overwhelming hormonal broodiness episodes, one when I was 26/27 and just married and one when I was 42 and I suppose an hormonal last chance salon that was the like a physical ache.
The broodiness does pass but ime it takes about a year each time 😁

I can honestly say ...mine are 12, 10 and 9...... I now think you'd be a fucking idiot to have another! Ds10 is severely disabled so like a baby ,.... so we might not get great evidence... but I couldn't because with another baby

I managed to get over it, started to ditch the baby stuff to new homes. Planned out my year for myself and what I was going to achieve, now with that stage behind me.

Then I found out I was expecting! Which has been a total mental reversal. It’s taken me ages to accept that I am having another as I had really mentally moved on.

My youngest turned 10 today. I've two. I'm still not over wanting a third and time is running out I'm 42.

If I can win the lottery it's happening! I can pay a carbon tax to offset the carbon costs. I can buy anything my growing family needed and pay for help.

I think I just have to keep telling myself that I can't have another one - I really can't. So stop thinking of it as an option and start thinking of it as an impossibility. I'll sell the baby stuff, I think that will help.

I miscarried several times after two DC and had to recognise it was my body telling me something. I was very upset not to have a third child but realised pretty quickly how lucky I was to have two DC. Now I am glad how things turned out as our circumstances changed over the years and I think it would have been too much. We are also a very tight unit as four and I really like that.

Sorry to hear about your losses @Celeriacacaca
I feel very lucky to have my 2 DC and frustrated that thoughts of a third keep coming into my head when I should just be enjoying them as they are

I had three miscarriages between last November and this May so I am coming to terms with the fact that DD will very likely be an only. I find I am grieving more for the family I thought I would have and don't rather than the pregnancies I have lost, even though I do mourn my losses, if that makes sense. Someone on another thread told me that it really will be a matter of time and I know in ten years say it will be ok, but it will take that sort of time for all of us I think

@Santasunhelpfulhelper in what way much harder? I’m not doubting that it is just curious as I am SO desperate for a 3rd and I feel like I really need to know what to do ...

It’s never gone away for me and I’m menopausal now.

I had my last baby and only then I realised I should've stopped at 1! (I have 5) and you couldn't pay me to have more children.

[quote zigaziga]@Santasunhelpfulhelper in what way much harder? I’m not doubting that it is just curious as I am SO desperate for a 3rd and I feel like I really need to know what to do ...[/quote]
Sorry, only just seen this.
It’s the mental capacity needed to deal with three lots of needs. I always feel like I’m spread too thin. I was in your position 4 years ago and we went for it. Maybe if we hadn’t I’d always have wondered what might have been. At least I know. We’re only three years into having three, maybe it will be lovely in the end!

@Santasunhelpfulhelper that's helpful to know, I can add it to my list of cons, which is already extensive but still not squashing the broodiness!!

I have one. Was desperate for another but it never happened. It’s too late now but the wanting is still there. Not as raw as it used to be but gets to me sometimes like when I read your post. I understand totally.

I had a third too 😆. It took a lot more time to get pregnant and stay pregnant than with our first two dc so I know I'm probably too old for a fourth! I do occasionally daydream that I miraculously find out I'm 30 weeks pregnant but unless that happens we'll stick with three.

Never, really. I have 2 lovely boys, 14 and 10, but always wanted 3. Dh didn't and for practical and financial reasons it made sense to stop at 2 but I still have a little longing for my third. Sorry...that's probably not what you want to hear.

@mamaduckbone 😔

I have 2 boys 17 months and 5 months and the broodiness is coming back 😂
It's how I ended up pregnant so fast after my 1st was born... I have to talk myself out of it, I think I'll just sell all of the baby stuff when I don't need it anymore

I thought that no matter how many I had, I'd always want one more. Then I had another nightmare burth with my third and knew I could never ever go through that again.