What to do if he doesn't return DC

[clpsmum]

Sorry if this is posted on wrong place, wasn't sure where to put it!

My STBXH has ignored all five solicitors letters regarding children and refused to put any agreement in place. He expects to have the children as and when he feels like it. On the advice of my solicitor and the police I have recently stopped him seeing them in the hope that it will force him to go to a solicitor and put a formal arrangement in place.

However, today is one of my DC birthday so I've said he can visit for three hours. My question is what can I do if he refuses to bring him home? I've explained the situation to my DC who is a young teenager but I'm scared his dad will pressure him when there and he just won't return him. Any advice greatly welcomed

Can’t you make a court application yourself? You’ll have to attend mediation but you don’t need his permission to start court proceedings.
I’m very surprised you were told to withdraw contact, I’m assuming there just have been some abuse? In which case you must go to court

I was told I couldn't go to court and force him to see his children and that I had to play hardball and withdraw contact in the hope it would force him to take action and put something in place.

No abuse as such but lots of mind games, gas lighting, messing everybody about, refusal to commit etc. I'm in Scotland don't k ow if that makes a difference

We had a court order. Ds walked out df's house and never went back.. Likely exh was told no court would tell a teen what to do.. At 14 he can decide

Has he returned?

I think YABU for withholding contact and tbh at fourteen you run the very real risk that this will go against you in terms of your DS.

From what you say there is no abuse, and from what you’ve also said your solicitor is essentially advising you play games here.

Your DS is fourteen and wants to see his dad. There isn’t a court in the land who will stop it from happening, and the police really won’t get involved.

But the real risk you face here is that if you start saying to your DS that he can’t see his dad because you say so he will resent you and will run to his dad.

It’s hard, but in the absence of genuine safeguarding concerns you need to relax IMO.

If it goes to court it will be your DS’ opinions they will take into account and not yours.

Is he home @clpsmum

Yes he is home so all a panic over nothing.

The police have already been involved. It's a long and boring story that I won't bother you with but I can assure you it's not me playing games.

Thanks everyone for the advice and support greatly appreciated

Great news.

At 14, I think you'll find that your child can express their desire to see their father or not.