Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Missing my 1st after birth of 2nd

14 replies

Hoc1 · 31/05/2020 15:47

Hello!

Has anybody ever felt like this? I've just had a 2nd baby which ended up another emergency c section, just like the 1st. I'm 8 days into recovery and I hate it. I miss being able to play with my 1st dd. I'm bonding well with my 2bd ds, its not that I dont want him. I just feel a deep deep sadness that I wont get that 'me and you time' with my dd for a long time. Daddy is now the person she goes to and it's really hurting me. I can't see to her so that's completely right that she's loving daddy time. I'm so lucky to have my husband and the support I'm getting but I feel so sad too. Anyone else go through this? Does it get better?

OP posts:

Spillinteas · 31/05/2020 16:12

Of course it gets better. Even young children know that mummy’s ‘not well’ as soon as your up and about and busy she will start climbing up you again.

Then when daddy is back at work she will have forgotten about him

Three girls here, she won’t leave you alone for long

Original poster

Hoc1 · 31/05/2020 19:10

Thank you, I needed to hear that. I'm sure once the hormones settle I'm recovered and life gets back to a new routine I'll feel less like this.

OP posts:

Soon2BeMumof3 · 31/05/2020 23:51

It's a big change for everyone, but it's a good one!

Don't worry OP, you'll be back to normal soon and you'll see DD hasn't gone anywhere.

Congratulations on the baby OP.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

borntohula · 31/05/2020 23:56

Your hormones are all over the place and that makes everything seem worse. In the not so distant future when you're recovered and things are 'normal' you'll probably look back on this as a blip. Your OH can look after DS and you and your DD will get time with just the two of you again.

UhKevin · 01/06/2020 00:04

I remember watching DH take DC1 to nursery from our upstairs window and crying because I felt the same. Really missed DC1! PPs are right - it al passes, and quicker than you might expect. Congrats on the lovely new arrival.

Wtfdidwedo · 01/06/2020 00:07

I felt the same and my second was super clingy so it felt like my eldest preferred daddy for a really long time. In reality it was about two weeks before she ignores him again and asked me for the snacks instead congratulations!

Helbelle17 · 01/06/2020 00:44

Yes, absolutely. My baby is now 4 weeks old and it is getting better, but when she was first born I felt very much like that and was devastated. I only work 2 days a week and DD1 and I are so close and we'd never spent a night apart.
As soon as DD2 was born, she slept in her own bed and was with daddy a lot more and I found it so hard.
She understood that mummy was poorly and had a baby to look after. We're now working as a family of four, rather than what I saw as her and daddy and DD2 and me.
DD1 adores her baby sister and wants mummy for most things again. I'm managing to play with her and look after the baby, and she helps with baby too. She still wants daddy as well, but I feel much better about it all.
We're finding ways of just having time with me and her - I still do bedtime with her and daddy takes DD,2 for a walk.
It will take a while, but we'll get there.
Congratulations on your beautiful family.

TinyPigeon · 01/06/2020 01:10

Glad I found this thread. My baby is three weeks old and I would say the feeling is starting to shift. I spent the first couple of weeks really mourning and I did not expect that at all, DC2 a much wanted baby. I found myself really resenting my husband, I felt like he was stealing my first born away from me!
Snatches of 1 on 1 time with DC1 really helps, as does just hanging out the four of us rather than as two pairs.
Sorry OP I know it's awful, reading these responses has made me feel some better at least.

HouseOfSticks · 01/06/2020 06:44

This is one of the day reasons I don’t want another baby.

mamaof2girls · 01/06/2020 07:03

My little one was the same to start with always with my partner she's 18 months and I now have a 2 week old but after a wee bit she's started coming back to me even if I have baby in my arms she will just sit next to me etc and now he's away back to work so she will probs start to look for me more as am the only adult in the house! X

katmarie · 01/06/2020 07:13

It does get better. Dd is 7 months, ds is two. Before dd came along, ds and I were partners in crime. Dd was a typical newborn, bf so needed a lot of my time. But right now shes still asleep in her cot and I'm snuggled up with ds on the sofa watching cartoons, and having some one on one time. You will find a balance, just give it time.

UnderTheBus · 01/06/2020 07:16

I felt the same. I also felt bad that I was being short with older DD and snapping a her more than I usually would, because I was tired and stressed. I felt like our relationship had totally changed. It started to improve at 6 weeks when DH went back to work and now its been 10 weeks I would say pretty much back to normal. It doesnt help being in lockdown so cant go out and do normal things and emotions are generally running a bit high.

Original poster

Hoc1 · 01/06/2020 20:56

Oh my goodness, all these replies have made me feel better, like I'm not alone in feeling this way. Thank you!

OP posts:

TinyPigeon · 01/06/2020 21:28

I just came back to read through again and remember that it isn't just me and things will go back to normal! Can't thank you enough for starting this thread.

Flip