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Original poster

Should we mjve? Please help me decide

58 replies

Beebityboo · 31/05/2020 07:29

We moved to the semi rural village we currently live in a year ago. My DD was horrendously bullied in her last year at primary and we wanted to give her a fresh start.

After A LOT of difficulty we got all three DC's in to very highly rated, over subscribed schools and they've settled well. DD is still having trouble making friends (aspergers) but she doesn't hate school which is a big step forward.

However, the house we are currently renting is falling apart around us and the LL just will not do anything. Windows that don't open, no bathroom ventilation and the list does on. He's happy for us to stay here as long as we want but needs to be really strong armed in to making repairs.

I also hate it here Sad. I've not been able to make any friends, there's only a little library/cafe in the centre and as we don't drive, literally doing anything else requires a half hour bus journey. I spend all my days in the house by myself even though we have a lot of lovely countryside nearby.

So we are currently weighing up our options and I really need some guidance. Do we:

A) Stay in the village we live but look for a nicer house (the kids could stay at their schools so no disruption etc)
B) Stay in the village we're in and the house we're in and learn to accept how run down/shabby it is but with a bit of security as the LL wants us in long term.
C) Up root completely and move to the cathedral city nearby. This is my preferred option if I was being selfish as I love it there, but it means all DC's changing schools again/higher rent. However its the place I feel I'd like to settle long term. I don't feel that way about where we currently live.

None of the DC's are particularly bothered by the idea of moving, but I wonder if it is because they've been away from their schools for months. I also have no guarantee of school places where we're moving, and I'd imagine it will be made all the more difficult due to the pandemic.

Please help me decide what to do! Its eating me up at the moment.

OP posts:
DocusDiplo · 31/05/2020 10:25

Poor you! Move to the city. Third time lucky. You're lucky the oldest is only 12 so you don't need to worry about GCSEs yet. Take the time to make a good decision on the new house. Just do it whilst there is unheaval anyway - kids will just see it as one big rocky period perhaps? I'm suggesting you move cos you sound like it's what you want so just do it.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 31/05/2020 10:26

Jelly you are so right about the pattern of moving/regretting it and this impacting them. I can be quite impulsive and get it in to my head that "this one choice will fix my whole life" so I'm really trying to be calm, rational and think this all the way through. We moved here a little impulsively and it's the worst decision I've ever made so cannot bare the idea of doing that again because if we move again, I want it to be the very last "big" change the kids will have to endure. With renting there is little security but I at least want to remain in the same place.

OP posts:
Horseshoe5 · 31/05/2020 10:32

I would move l think but make this next move your last one. Nothing will improve where you are and your kids will pick up on the vibe at home. The fact your kids have been off school should make it easier for them to move. It's a tough decision and you have to weigh up alot of things but if you can walk to different amenities etc, will benefit the children.

cherrypiepie · 31/05/2020 10:54

I hope this thread has helped you make some decisions. Don't rush anything. The lockdown will help the children adjusts. Look at lists of house and write a list of what you want and what is non negotiable. QOL is everything. View lots of houses. In a city there will be drama societies too. Visit lots of schools and do a long transition. Don't rush to move school at the start of term. Move when is right if you do move.

RandomMess · 31/05/2020 11:19

After moving I would focus on your eldest have out of school things where is is happy and finds friends etc. If school becomes awful again could you possibly homeschool her?

Original poster
Beebityboo · 31/05/2020 11:34

Yes if the next school doesn't work for her we'll probably go through inter high

OP posts:
yourestandingonmyneck · 31/05/2020 11:37

Personally I think the cathedral city sounds more appealing. I love the idea of rural / semi-rural life but you are living it and you are not enjoying it. If city living appeals to you more and would make you happier I think that would have a very positive knock on effect on your kids. Plus lots of activities for the kids and possibly drama clubs etc for your daughter.

Is it a pretty city? Could you live on the outskirts, suburbs maybe so best of both worlds?

I think everybody has been so disrupted by the current pandemic that I wouldn't worry too much about making another move. Just take your time and make sure it's the right one.

ArnoldBee · 31/05/2020 11:46

To be honest if you live in a village you have to really throw yourself into it - the pub and church are so important. To live rurally driving is important as you have found it takes you ages to get anywhere. The school situation would concern me.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 31/05/2020 11:49

I really expected to make friends and volunteered and even worked for a little while but everyone here seems to already know each other and be quite aloof with newcomers. Or maybe I'm just not very likeable Grin.

OP posts:
wanderlove · 31/05/2020 20:35

I think I would move. I think the whole family would benefit from the move and it doesn't sound like your daughter is too attached to her present school. There's an element of risk but there is with everything. I second what pp said...take your time and make a good choice this time so you can put down roots. If it really doesn't feel right I don't think it's going to change so best to cut your losses

Original poster
Beebityboo · 01/06/2020 07:53

Thanks so much for your input everyone. It's been really helpful. I think we are going to be moving so will start looking for somewhere suitable. A part of me is worried I'm being irresponsible doing it during a pandemic but the thought of spending another summer in a house without functioning windows makes me want to cry.
I'm also not at all sure what I'm going to do about schools. I don't know if you can even apply right now.
I'm very sad it didn't work here and hate that I'll be disrupting the DC's but hopefully it will turn out to be the best thing for our family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beebityboo · 01/06/2020 13:48

After someone mentioned it yesterday I'm also considering maybe moving to to the town DD is in Secondary at. It's not as nice as the Cathedral city but there is definitely more to do and it's more central to everywhere/closer to DH's work.
Houses don't come up for rent often though so will probably be waiting longer to move. It would mean DD could stay where she is though which would be a big relief.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/06/2020 14:52

Really thoroughly research that town, is it going to have enough for everyone's needs?

How long would it take for DD to get from the city to the town?

I just think friendships are going to be fractured from this pandemic that I wouldn't pick the town over city on her school alone unless it ticks all the other boxes.

I live on the outskirts of a nice town but have to travel for proper shopping but with on line shopping not an issue. The activities the DC are into are here. The big negative is that there are no late evening trains from the city so when it comes to music concerts etc I have to drive to the next town to pick them up or when they were younger we had to take and pick up...

Obviously as you rent moving again is more straightforward but you are also limited by public transport so I would really research how frequent and fast it is also is it likely to get cut to save money.

Our local villages have virtually zero service compared to 3 years Ago SadAngry

Original poster
Beebityboo · 06/06/2020 22:17

We have a viewing for a seemingly perfect (rented) house on Monday, with the agent saying its basically ours if we want it. I am so conflicted and so nervous and if we want it will have to make a decision there and then pretty much or it will get snapped up by someone else.
I just feel so torn and also really worried about the hell that is finding school places which will be made so much worse with a pandemic. I have no idea if this is the right thing or if I'm being horribly selfish and irresponsible Sad

OP posts:
cherrypiepie · 07/06/2020 07:50

Firstly Where is it? Cathedral City or school town? What does you partner think?

Why is it perfect? What can reach with in walking distance?

Have you written a list of your top 10 needs for a property and location. Be really ruthless.

Gunpowder · 07/06/2020 07:56

Yes where is the new house? It sounds like you definitely need to move anyway. I’m conflicted on this, you sound very unhappy where you are and living in the cathedral city sounds much more sensible in general - it’s just if you can find a suitable school for your DD. I read a maxim recently that a mother is only ever as happy as her least happy child which I think is very true.

GeriGeranium · 07/06/2020 07:59

I honestly don’t think schools will be back properly until 2021, maybe 2022.

Schools are being warned the exams next year may not happen (like this year).

Our local schools have warned us not to assume they’ll be open in September. Even if they are open, it’s likely to be restricted numbers/part time.

So in these circumstances, it’s the home life and the happiness of the family unit that’s most important, rather than schools.

I’d move to a house with a decent garden, somewhere you’ll be able to get out to nice places even if we’re on lockdown again. Make sure you have good WiFi, and space to home educate if it turns out you need to.

MermaidApocalypse · 07/06/2020 08:08

Going against the grain here. I don't think you'll be happy in the new house. I think you need to access why you aren't happy. I lived in a house which was awful before and I thought when I moved to a new area I'd be happy and settled. Got the dream house and I'm still not happy.
Have a look at what you want and what your long term goals are. If learning to drive is not happening then you need to be in a city really. I live in a city and it was still a pain in the ass, weekly shops, birthday party's in rural locations. I learnt on an automatic and it took me years and three tests but it's changed my life.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 07/06/2020 08:13

New house is in Cathedral city (ten minutes walk from the actual cathedral!) with double the space of the house we're in right now so room for playing outside and room to home educate for the forseeable (we really need this as my 5yo cannot focus on learning when she's surrounded by her toys)

But moving now seems so scary. Though, the disruption feels like a good opportunity for a clean slate in some ways.
I just don't know. I don't want DD to be unhappy and she says she's fine moving but I am so worried she'll hate her new school.
Also if we do move, do I apply for schools as normal through the council, wait for schools to go back to "normal"? The logistics are really overwhelming.

OP posts:
midnightstar66 · 07/06/2020 08:14

I can't imagine living rurally unable to drive, dc don't sound bothered and especially after so long away from school I'd move to the city and get them sorted for September, either that or look in to the town DD's school is in or surrounding larger towns. Bit of research now you know more what's important to you. Definitely look at at least DH learning to drive for commuting purposes but I'd not be happy in your situation either so I don't think staying put and learning to drive will solve everything

midnightstar66 · 07/06/2020 08:20

You'd apply for schools as normal op, schools are being planned as if everything is normal but with contingency plans and a bit of wait and see. For instance we have our class lists and teachers/staff allocated as if we're all going back full time, but obviously knowing that won't be the case

GeriGeranium · 07/06/2020 08:37

Best to move ASAP - if there’s a second wave (most likely regional outbreaks and local lockdowns) then you could find yourself unable to move. At the moment the things you need to move are all open and running.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 07/06/2020 08:39

I just looked at some of the prospective school websites and a few of them say they aren't accepting new admissions at the moment. So do I keep them enrolled at their current schools for now even though we live further away and aren't sending them back again?

OP posts:
midnightstar66 · 07/06/2020 08:48

Perhaps ring the schools or the LA and ask advice. I'm in Scotland so procedures may well be different.

GeriGeranium · 07/06/2020 09:15

I’d call the LEA for advice, it varies by area.

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