How do you have casual sex, when you both have kids?

[RumpyTurman]

I met my exH straight out of school so never really did the dating thing. We split up about six months ago and I was about ready to throw myself into dating when lockdown happened.

I had a date with a guy in early March, it went well and we stayed in touch throughout lockdown. We have since done a few socially distanced walks, but we are talking every day and to be honest I am REALLY looking forward to lockdown being over so we can actually get into bed.

And therein lies the problem... I have a 3 year old, who ex does not have overnight at all (no suitable place for him to stay yet). I dont want to make this about my ex being shit because he isnt, he sees his son most days and does bedtime every other night, just in my home. We get on great and he will gladly sleep on the sofa here to have him overnight if I were to go out.

The guy I am seeing has a 16 year old who lives with him, but occasionally goes back to their mums too. Obviously at that age contact isnt planned its impromptu. It's a small flat, so we cant be discrete about it. He is, quite understandably, reluctant to ask his child to not be home.

Besides from getting a hotel, when they might not open for months, what the hell do we do?!

Shag in the daytime, if your parents have the 3yo at all, or if they go to nursery?

I know some long term married posters will be horrified at the thought but I've had dates over for sex many times when DS has been asleep in bed. I'd never have them sleep over and nobody would ever be in a position to get anywhere near him without my knowledge.
I couldn't do it now that he's older but at age 3 you can totally get away with it (assuming you don't co sleep and he's a good sleeper)

I’m not sure, it’s a tough one! To be honest, I don’t think I’d feel comfortable having sex with a man I wasn’t in a relationship with with a child that little in the house. No judgement though, it’s just personally not something I’d do. How long is it likely to be before your son’s father can have him stay?

What’s stopping you doing it at your house after your 3 year old is in bed (like most married couples have to do)?

Wait? Build up the anticipation (blimey, autocorrect wanted me to write antibiotics!) 😂

@FlaskMaster they do, but we both work full time Monday to Friday and I like spending my weekends with my son (he also has his younger child for contact at weekends so weekday nights are really our only option!)

@codenamevillanelle my boy is a rather bad sleeper and the thought makes me nervous - jealous it worked for you though, no judgement here!

@Toilenstripes we have had two months of anticipation, plus however much longer it is till Boris gives us the go ahead to shag

Yeah that is a worry too, having him in my home with my child when I'm not in a relationship with him.

I get that - mine is a sound sleeper plus I would have sex downstairs rather than in my bedroom next door. However there is nothing intrinsically wrong about having sex with a new partner(s) when your child is asleep upstairs.

Nope you're right there is nothing wrong with it!

I think it's just because this isnt a relationship that will go any further than sex so I'm a bit nervous about my son accidentally meeting him!

You have to both take a leave day from work. If you can't or won't use your family time (which is totally understandable) then you'll have to use your normal work time.