Formula feeding, dummy giving...selfish?

[CassandrasCastle]

I am mother to a 6 week old DD, my 'PFB'...but i feel a lot of the time as though I'm taking lazy options or not trying hard enough. Breastfeeding as an example - it was horrible to get the latch right in the first week of exhaustion and painful stitches, but we did end up more or less getting it...and yet I still decided it would be more bearable all round to give formula, now exclusively. I also usually give DD a dummy when she's upset/yelping away a bit. And let her sit in her bouncy chair for quite a long while as I drink tea or very slowly empty the diahwasher. I dunno. I just feel as though I'm not present enough or something. Plus my DP feels bad about the formula because he's just read a particularly scary article about most of it containing traces of heavy metals 😑
Am I normal?? (She slept from 10pm to just before 5am this morning and even that makes me feel as though I'm being lazy somehow. Which is just odd. I'm not explaining myself well)

I formula fed and gave a dummy

Plus my DP feels bad about the formula because he's just read a particularly scary article about most of it containing traces of heavy metals

Well he'd better grow some boobs and start lactating then, hadn't he?

And dummies are supposed to be slightly protective for SIDS so actually you're being a good mum.

I'm a massive fan of 'lazy' parenting. Anything that keeps you happy while the baby is, wins. I actually found BFing 'lazier' (all that cleaning bottles urg no thanks) but whatever works. DD wouldn't have let me leave her in a bouncy chair or ever sleep but if you have a biddable baby, enjoy it. If you have another don't expect this

Please don’t feel lazy!

FWIW, I tried to breastfeed my first two, mainly due to family pressure and pressure from midwives and the poor things were starving to death by 3 weeks as I produce no milk. I drove myself mad and into near bankruptcy with all the super duper supplements I was advised to take, expensive electric pumps to try and stimulate production. Ruined the first month of both my babies lives. All did jack shit. And all for something that wasn’t that important to me anyway- I just wanted them fed, happy and growing but I gave into outside pressure.

I’m pregnant again and this one will be FF from birth. I’ve no intention of putting myself or my baby through all that again and anyone who has an opinion on that will be told where to go.

You're doing what you need to do, not being lazy.

With my first, I was an anxious wreck. I always felt like I 'should' be doing something. I felt guilty if I left him and had terrible anxiety. To be fair, he was a velco baby who screamed the second you put him down.

In comparison, I did what you did with my youngest because I had to really with a toddler as well. I definitely did it the right way with him.

They're both happy and content children now.

You are completely normal.
I formula fed and used a dummy.
DS thrived on formula and it worked for us as a family. He had a dummy until he voluntarily gave it up aged 3.
He's now nearly 6 and is absolutely fine!

If you let yourself be, you will be judged for every parenting decision you make. Just do what works for your family.

Sounds like you’re doing great to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

You're doing what my friend is doing op and her and baby are both doing just fine. Try to relax

I was so sure I was never gonna put a dummy in my son's mouth and that breastfeeding was gonna be super easy and if it wasnt I would just "power through it".

Hah. Now my son is sucking on his dummy while my partner makes a formula feed.
I couldn't BF, so I do express, we combo feed, but it's time consuming and difficult.

Some people might try and make you feel bad, but dont. As long as your baby is happy and putting on weight it's fine.

And downtime for the baby is fine. I have to keep telling myself that. In my rush to help stimulate his little brain I ended up over stimulating him and having a very grumpy boy.

You're doing great.

Are you happy?
Is your baby happy fed and contented? Then stuff what other people might think, important thing is you care and look after yourself and your baby. I think you’re doing fab, first babies are a bit daunting I remember mine at 22 (18 now) I was terrified but he’s now a massive 6ft 3 lad fit and healthy he was ff and had a dummy. I did manage to bf second time round but wasn’t quite as uptight as I knew first boy was fine on formula - all 4 of my boys have/had tongue ties. I ff ds3 and bf ds4 all heathy lads and happy too.

Bouncy chairs are fab my youngest 2 are a year apart in age and they used to love bouncy or rocking chair time, Or I’d pop youngest in sling to sleep or feed whilst I sorted the other 3/did dishes or whatever just do what works for you and enjoy wish mine were tiny again

I also think BF is easier (if you can get it to work!) No way are you lazy.

Really don't get the issue with dummies. Babies suck for comfort. If it's not your breast it's your finger or in the olden days, a piece of soggy rag. Dummy seems much more hygienic to me!

a piece of soggy rag

Dipped in milk and whiskey if my granny is to be believed.

I used to put DD in her little bouncer chair with a dummy watching the washing machine every morning and I’d wash my hair at the kitchen sink (and dry it) and make a coffee as I sang along to the radio. It became part of our routine. 9/10 times she’d fall asleep.
16 years on she never goes near the bleedin washing machine.

Sounds completely normal to me, OP, and pretty much what I did with my babies.
Some of the things I read on mumsnet, like carrying your baby in a sling while you do the housework sounds strange and bizarre to me, but each to their own I guess.