Alcoholic Experience

[Hangingover]

Hi everyone,

I've name changed to write this post but I promise I'm not a journalist or an author or anything...I'm just really ashamed to be writing this so I wanted to separate it from my other posts.

Can anyone who is alcoholic and has managed to stop drinking help me with some of the below. Because frankly I feel like I'm standing at the foot of a fucking mountain and I have no idea where to even begin.

• did you tell friends and family you were alcoholic when you stopped or did you fudge it e.g. say you've given up for health reasons/can't handle hangovers anymore etc.

• did anyone close to you not believe you/make excuses for your drinking?

• what are AA meetings like? Do they let you write things down and read then out or do they fire questions at you? Is that thing where the make you sit in the middle of a circle and make you cry just something from telly?

• if you feel comfortable sharing it, what was your "rock bottom" moment?

• how many gos did it take for you to give up and what advice would you give to someone starting? Did you do it straight away or cut down?

• do the cravings ever go away? Is it like smoking cravings where they flare up and down or is it constantly low-level?

Thanks in advance. Again I promise I'm not fishing for any disingenuous reason, I genuinely want to know these things for my own journey but it's making me cry just writing down the questions let alone sharing anything about myself atm. The one thing I will say is that I have it on fairly good (as in medical) authority that I'm not drinking sufficient amounts to be at risk of physical withdrawal symptoms of that help on the advice bit on the last question. Also I have no DC and no plans for any. I have a good DP.

And please be gentle if you can because I am feeling really ashamed of myself rn Xx

Just bumping in case it got lost due to time difference

I dont have much personal experience of an alcoholics anonymous meeting, but hoping my message will give you a quick bump and someone with more experience will be along soon

Dont be ashamed of yourself, knowing you need help is the biggest step.
My BIL is an alcoholic and he has told us before help and support from his family is the biggest thing. It's great you have a supportive DP. Hes taken many attempts at stopping drinking, and I know for him the craving never goes away. Hes started a few new hobbies to help keep him active and busy, which does seem to help.

Good luck

I think it's very brave to admit you have a problem and I wish you the very best in trying to overcome it.

I'm not an alcoholic so I can't answer the questions you asked. However I have a very close family member who is and has tried to give up numerous times over 10years plus and is still drinking. That's not to say it can't be done, it can.

Imo it's down to mindset and I truly believe you have to give it up completely and forever. The problem my family member has is that they want to cut down/not drink every day but still drink at family gatherings because they enjoy drinking. And of course if they're allowed to drink at gatherings/social occasions then all gatherings/social occasions deserve a drink, and if they drank 8 pints yesterday, another 2 today won't make any difference. Do you see what I mean?

As for the help, they have tried AA meetings, therapy, doing detox's at home under medical supervision/prescription, stayed in a detox facility, all have worked for a short amount of time but always falls back into old ways.

I know this post probably seems very negative but I'm trying to put across that you absolutely have to want it. You have to never drink again. You must be honest with loved ones so they don't put you in difficult situations where alcohol is offered, certainly at the start so it's easier for you. As for the help you receive I think it's probably a personal choice whether you get anything out of things like AA meetings, therapy etc. Everything is worth a try and keep trying until you find something that works for you. I wish you the very best op

Thank you for your replies. I agree it only works if you want it. I'm sorry to hear about your family member 3NMe. What's the longest they've managed as far as you know? I've done six months, twice. Once I was in the swing of it I didn't find it too bad which is why it's so stupid I went back!

6 months is fantastic! Well done!
My family member hasn't gone that long without a drink, a few weeks at most. For them I think they're at an age now where they have to either accept the fact they are going to drink everyday (or at the very least most days) or given up forever. They can't control it and tbh they have no motivation to stop, no reason to other than health reasons. I really don't think they will ever stop, can't see it happening. But, you can't give up giving up, so you never know!

Good luck op x

Hello
I have just joined when I saw your post. It can be very over whelming at the beginning to know where to start but I would highly reccomend going to an AA meeting. I am just over a year sober and, although I dont go to meetings anymore, I found them very useful at the beginning. The first meeting I went to I took a friend with me as I was so scared but I had no need to be. Everyone was so welcoming, they made me a cup of tea, sat me down and explained that I never had to speak in the meeting if I didnt want to (which was lucky as I kept breaking down in tears and dont think I could have strung a sentence together anyway). A member of the group shared their story while everyone listened and then anyone in the group who wanted to speak after that was welcome to. I went for a few months but then decided I was strong enough to continue on my own knowing that I would be welcomed back any time I have a little wobble. You can do this if you really want to and life is so much better without the hangovers, anxiety and constant worry. Good luck! xx

Thanks Sober4Summer20 and congratulations on your sobriety. Does it get easier? Do you still think about it multiple times per day?

There is a thread in relationships for people who are stopping or reducing their drinking. I think it is called Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, or something similar. There is lots of very good advice on the thread so have a search for it as I can't see it on the first page of the relationships board.

To answer some of your questions, you don't get forced to say anything at an AA meeting. As a newcomer, you would normally be welcomed by a 'greeter' at the door and someone would take you under their wing and make sure you were made to feel welcome. You would be offered a cup of tea or coffee and then sit down with the other attendees. It can all seem a bit strange to start with but I was given very good advice when I first started going to meetings - listen for the similarities and not the differences. That is because there is a very wide spectrum of 'alcoholics' with some people who have lost everything in life and drunk spirits daily to blackout and others who were 'functioning alcoholics' who managed to retain a level of normality in their lives and drunk to excess a few times a week.

During lockdown AA meetings are being held on Zoom, but similar principles apply. I believe there is a helpline you can call where you will be given the details of some nearby Zoom meetings, and you just dial in to them. You don't generally have to have your video on if you feel uncomfortable. Don't worry about seeing someone you know at a meeting, as there is a very strict rule of anonymity and people take it seriously. You will hear some people talk about God or a higher power - again don't worry about this if you are not religious because you can do the AA programme without having any religious beliefs. I am an atheist and have followed the programme without any problems.

Feel free to send me a personal message if you want to know anything else about AA, or stopping drinking, as I am also a member of a number of private Facebook groups that provide help and support.

Good luck!

That's very, very helpful to know about the Zoom meetings, thank you. I'm going to look it up in my area. They don't sound as scary as I feared.

I don't think about it every day anymore but every now and again the thought "you could drink sensibly" creeps in to my head and I have to try and squash that down as I know that I cant. I've tried way too many times before. At the beginning I found that treating myself to lots of nice cakes, sweets and non alcoholic drinks really helped xx

That's reassuring to hear. It just feels insurmountable at the moment. I'm so afraid of failing.

DP drove me to the store today and they had three kinds of non-alcoholic lager so I bought a single of each to try them as I've found them helpful in the past.

Also I'm sure it goes without saying but do you feel miles better now? What's the best thing about it?

I drew a quadrant today: Drinking, Sober, Good things, Bad things. The Bad Things about Drinking square was SO much longer than the others.

Just take it one hour at a time. You can do it! It is a massive challenge but if you stay strong you will feel so much better. For the first few days do whatever it takes not to drink. Clean the house, read a book, watch a film, eat lots of lovely things and go to bed early. Keep checking in on mumsnet to let us know how you are getting on and try give yourself little rewards because you are doing amazing! xx

And yep I feel loads better now :) Not worrying about what I did or said the night before makes a huge difference xx

I've stopped drinking. It's maybe a bit different because I was a binge drinker so I could easily go a week without a drink, then id have a "couple" of bottles of wine in one go.
I just stopped altogether. I'd previously tried cutting down and it didn't work very well, so I just stopped altogether. I had a group on Mumsnet for support.
I don't even think about it now. Good luck and be kind to yourself. Remember if you do make a mistake and have one drink, it's not all or nothing, you don't have to finish the bottle. You can do this!

There are alternatives to AA meetings if the spiritulaist aspect doesn't resonate with you. Depends where you live, but have a look at this:

Other Groups

Also there are useful apps on your phone to help you count off the days Drink Free Days is one. Others come up as well when you put that into the App Store.

I myself drink too much, wine mainly, sometimes just a glass, sometimes a whole bottle, but usually 6 out of 7 days. I am fat round the middle due to it and toy with the idea of giving up very often, as 3 of my friends have recently. (we are all in our late 40s).

But mainly because i had a sister who was a dreadful alcoholic of 20+ years and died of cirrhosis and esophageal varices (uncontrollable bleeding in the oesophagus), alone in an absolute shithole, 4 years ago. :-(

xx

Yes to an app! I use Dry Days and I used to love watching my Current Streak go up!

Hi
I am 11.5 years sober. My rock bottom moment was not the worst by any means, after endless years of partying hard and putting myself in all sorts of dangerous positions it was just another drunken night when I woke up and thought I can’t do this anymore.
I went to an AA meeting, listened and then went to another the next day. There I met a lady who offered me her number (everyone will offer their number but she was the first I could relate to). She took me under her wing and I threw myself into it, did 90 meetings in 90 days and made friends with other women.
I can’t tell you how much it changed my life, I already had a great job was financially secure etc etc but my anxiety was terrible as was my self esteem. Through AA and with the support of some amazing people I finally learned to like myself.
Being sober is the best thing I have ever done - and I still fancy a glass of wine on occasion but I know it’s not for me.
I stopped going to meetings a long time ago but still have some great friends from aa.
Feel free to DM me. I am only 41 so stopped when I was 30

Sorry not RTFullT as I'm in the middle of cooking, so this may have been said, but take my word.
The only way to do it is stop completely and never pick up that first drink again.

You may experience what's called a "honeymoon period" for the first couple weeks, you'll be all invigorated and optimistic, but then there's a crash and the cravings will consume you.

So just don't pick up. Don't convince yourself into it! You'll say "oh I know I'll just have one to get rid of the craving" "it won't hurt" etc.
Just don't.

The cravings will be gone after a month. It's that first month you'll need to endure the worst of it.

If you want one sentence of advise to carry with you for the rest of your life it's

"DON'T pick up that first drink"

Good luck!

Not worrying about what I did or said the night before makes a huge difference

This is a huge factor for me - even though in reality I've rarely done anything that embarrassing the shame and fear is excruciating. To the point where I know if I ever did anything actually bad like kiss someone else I'd be at a very high risk of seriously harming myself the next day.

Remember if you do make a mistake and have one drink, it's not all or nothing, you don't have to finish the bottle

This is very helpful advice, especially if it's possible to halt the train before the "fuck it" point.

BigusBumus thank you for that link, I'm not a very spiritual person at all! I'm sorry to hear about your sister. My mother died horribly of breast cancer; I'll never know if drinking alcohol was a factor but I know it can be and she drank every day, although not whole bottles (DF on the other hand is definitely alcoholic) - and also when I drink I smoke cigarettes which is double bad - adding more to the shame pile.

I liked the drink free days app but I find I keep deleting it after a bad spell because I feel so ashamed. And also the "drink free days" weren't worth much really as I would just go extra ott on the drinking days I've put on a few lbs too but nothing very noticeable to others - in fact weirdly most people, especially those who follow my Instagram probably think I'm a picture of health because I'm very slim and always posting pics of me doing acrobatic and sporty things and lovely vegan food I've cooked...but it's a total and complete lie (except the food) which I hide behind. I feel disgustingly unhealthy and I hate myself. My stomach is agony and my face is getting lined. I don't sleep through the night. My skin looks drab and spotty and my muscles have lost their definition. My teeth are in poor condition because I never brush them at night if I've been drinking (eg every day). I look knackered and sad and feel weak.

Being sober is the best thing I have ever done

This is great to hear, everyone that's done it seems to say the same, problem drinker or not.

Lots of good advice on here. I would just like to add that whilst AA is fantasy for lots of people, it's not the only option for support, as it's not for everyone. SMART recovery is another group option, and available nationally. Also, dependent on where you are in the country, you should be able to access one to one support via a free alcohol treatment service. These services can link you up with lots of amazing support and a package of care to meet your needs in continuing to abstain. Very good luck

Thank you. This sounds awful but I've done outpatient rehab once already Not for alcohol (although I was also drinking heavily at the time) for benzodiazapines. They were excellent and I stopped drinking for 6 months and got off the tablets.

Woke up feeling terrific this morning...bounced out of bed and made a picnic and went on a day trip up with coast with DP. Now it's 5.30 which is drink o'clock and I'm in a completely foul mood and no idea what to do with myself

I’m 2.5 years in. I was very open about my reasons for stopping drinking - with everyone, my family, friends and work colleagues. I just told them the truth which was that I don’t have an off switch with alcohol and it wasn’t doing me any good. I don’t think anyone has judged me, in fact I’ve had a lot of friends tell me they wish they could do it too.

I’ve never used the word alcoholic to describe myself and I don’t feel like a recovering anything, I don’t feel like this is a burden I have to shoulder for the rest of my life or anything I have to perpetually punish myself for which is what seems to be AA’s way of thinking. I’m over it and don’t think about it very much at all.

I stopped with Allan Carr’s easy way. It was like switching off the need to drink in my brain. This was after 15 years of a bottle of wine or more a day.

You can do it and your life will be better if you do.

Alcohol does not improve your life in any way.