Thread inspired by another thread - what would your mum do if you were kidnapped by Parisian sex traffickers?

[Preoleai]

I couldn’t sleep last night, and ended up reading the thread in classics inspired by the Liam Neeson film, Taken. Laughed so much that any chance of sleep went completely by the board! And then I started wondering what my mum would do.

I think she’d probably first need someone to tell her what sex traffickers were, and that, yes, there really are such people in the world. She’d need a long detailed explanation as to why they chose me, where they found me, how many of them there were, how old they were, where they lived, what their parents did, what cars they drove, what their children were called - you get the picture.

Then she’d ring her friends to explain what had happened and to ask what she should do. Having heard their advice, she’d decide she couldn’t act on any of it because she’s not clever enough (she is) or not brave enough (she is) or doesn’t speak french well enough (she doesn’t).

Then she’d go round to Katie next door to ask her to feed the cat, and end up staying for an hour and a cup of tea. Because offending Katie is of course worse than losing her daughter to sex traffickers (who she still wouldn’t really believe existed).

Then she’d need a bit of time to hoover the stairs (a daily activity that CANNOT be forgone. I’m not sure why).

Anyway, finally, at some point - perhaps about six weeks after learning of my plight - she’d arrive in Paris. By which time I’d have been spirited far far away. She’d have a conversation with the concierge of her hotel who would tell her that of course sex traffickers didn’t exist, she would sigh with relief and say that she knew such awful people didn’t exist. She would return home, happy in the knowledge that all was well, and very pleased with the Eiffel Tower tea towels she’d bought for her friends and Katie next door.

I’m not sure at what point it would occur to her that I was nowhere to be seen and that she hadn’t heard from me in a while.

I love my mum but if I have to rely on her to rescue me from the traffickers, I’m toast!

What would your mums do? :)

I don't think Liam Neeson would have had anything on my mum.
I suspect her initial reaction would be to get her sisters and her best pal involved, probably ending every conversation with "surely SOMEONE must have access to a decent shotgun, how hard can it be to get one or two around here?"
After "liberating" a helicopter she would probably land on a dodgy estate in Paris, sending my aunt off to calmly knock on doors with a "Bonjour, nous cherchons des armaments pour liberer ma niece?" on the grounds that she took a French A-level back in the day. Somehow, she and her best pal would find a stash of sawn-off shotguns, pal would be a bit worried whether she would be able to shoot an AK-47 effectively in high heels, and only at this point would they realise that Paris is quite a big place and they had no idea where I was.
At this point Mum's military-style organisational skills would kick in and she would terrify a number of completely innocent youths into being 'runners', sending them left and right under threat of some unspecified violence or 'letting your parents know exactly what you've been up to'. When I was eventually located, she would send her next youngest sister to look for a kettle while she repeatedly bludgeoned the ringleader of the gang with the rifle butt.
It would all end with the traffickers beaten unconscious, me slightly stunned and Mum and my aunts remarking that all this running about makes you desperate for a decent cup of tea...
I miss her.

Cry and wail but secretly love the drama

They wouldn't have been able to traffic me! It's not easy to traffic someone who's walking round a city with a phone clamped to their ear going "yes mum.... no mum... OK, will do. Yep, OK, OK. Mum I kind of need to speak to the receptionist at the hotel to check in I'll call you..."
If, by some miracle they succeeded, my mum would make them so annoyed with her constant calls and texts to my phone they'd probably let me go! In the highly unlikely event they didn't, my Mum would have been straight over to Paris and raising hell with the police there, "Jasmin82 is a good girl, she doesn't do that kind of thing. Don't you roll your eyes at me and shrug, young man! You find my daughter or I WILL and then you'll have a murder to investigate!"

Spend 2 hours doing her hair and make-up for her slot on News at 10, make all the right noises about being devasted, lovely daughter etc etc.
Then spend the next week moaning about how inconsiderate I am having been kidnapped.

Mine would aggressively lose the plot at who ever was on the other end of the phone for interrupting whatever nonsense she was doing at the time and probably hang up on them before they got a chance to tell her I'd been kidnapped. She's always on the phone

My mother would probably say I was being overly dramatic and then ask sniffly if this meant I wasnt going to visit as often as before.

Ha!

My mum weirdly would probably go weegie badass!

She’s passive in her own life but when it comes to her kids she is a tigress!

She also would be able to sincerely and genuinely say

“I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.”

She is very savvy on IT she’d be more than capable of hacking any cctv to see where they’d taken me and their communications, transfer of funds, the auction they were setting up etc while simultaneously booking next flight to Paris.

She also speaks french pretty well, so would then be straight onto french authorities to get them on the case but wouldn’t just wait for them to act.

She has “contacts” that would come in very handy inc “well connected” relatives... some in diplomatic corps, some in less “savoury” arenas - not that she’s “that type” but she grew up in a VERY rough part of glasgow and so knows people who are. One branch of the family tree are basically a gang of con artists so they’d likely come in handy for funding and underworld contacts to trace perpetrators. They’ve “worked” a fair part of mainland Europe as well as Uk.

She has serious knife skills (puts me in mind of geena davis’ character in “long kiss goodnight” at the beginning of the film) knows how to shoot and would be able to “acquire” a fair amount of firepower, so by the time she DID Catch up with me & kidnappers it’d be a case of “shoot/stab first ask questions later” if anyone was still alive!

And that’s just my mum! And she looks like a miniature version of Brenda fricker, so very unthreatening.

That’s not even getting into rest of the family! Dads ex army and while incapacitated these days he still has the network to call upon, military look after their own. Bro is a police officer and adrenaline junkie so he’d be quick to sort it too.

However they would all then bollock me for being stupid enough to get taken in the first place, dad would make me recite all the personal safety stuff he’s taught us over the years - remember that scene in “friends”?

Mr Geller: “10% of your paycheque where does it go?”

Geller kids: “in the bank”

well...in our house it was

Dad:
“Assailants vulnerable points what are they? Where do you strike?”

Us kids in unison:
“Eyes, nose, groin & shins”

mum would be asking why I didn’t just nut/stab the bastard/s and seriously posit the idea of a gps implant in my wrist, and bro would insist on upping my home security again.

On a slightly serious note a now ex of my sisters made the mistake of giving sister a black eye and breaking her nose. Before dad even knew what had happened (was on exercise - likely very lucky for the ex!) mum had dealt with him! That included losing him his job and his tenancy! He had also made the mistake of attempting to physically prevent mum from entering his & sisters then home and “acquired” a broken nose of his own as a result!

My mil has a special set of skills and would probably turn up with a tank and enough explosives to take out half of Paris. Can I have her instead please? I think your mil and my mum would get on well

My family are seriously psychologically dysfunctional but I wouldn't fuck with them if I weren't one of them!

@Graphista - your mum sounds very cool!

Do any of the mothers with special skills want to adopt me?

My mum would say
"What has Minou got herself into now!. I bet she's not wearing a warm enough coat"

However my mum is french and she would call on my great aunt who is a nun, who lives in Paris.
Now my great aunt the nun has balls of steal. Shes a midwife and tells women in labour that it "doesn't hurt that much"
Sex traffickers wouldn't stand a chance.

My mum would get very worried, but be on the first flight to Paris. She would offer herself up in my place without a second thought. If we both managed to escape she would blame herself for the whole thing and then insist on cooking for everyone.

My Mum would say "I'll have to check with Daddy" then wait for him to come back from his walk, give him a muddled account of sex trafficking in Paris. They would then agree that it's just me being silly and showing off again and do nothing.

My mum would phone my sister who would contact Scary People She Knows who would rescue me & kill the kidnappers.

Truth.

Blame me for it and say I’d ruined her life

My mum definitely has a special set of skills. she looks like the most mild mannered unassuming 5 foot nothing lovely friendly type but in reality she's terrifyingly badass, very efficient and knows a lot of people.

Not only would she have me out of there in no time, she'd have booked and evening cruise along the Seine "well we're in Paris" and it would be a shame to waste the opportunity.

This thread has just made me remember a story my friend told me about her mum.

She was rear ended in one of those distraction type crashes, and while telling off the offenders, er that is while exchanging insurance details with the other party, her bag was nicked and the offenders drove off. She only gave chase . Tiny (less than 5 foot) 70 something lady. I can’t remember how it ended but I suspect not well for the thieves

That thread is great isn't it!

Mine would probably say "Well toy obviously did something to deserve it. Did you lead them on? Shouldn't be such a tart then!"

She always insisted that if anyone kidnapped me, they'd soon get sick of me, so probably wait for them to bring me back.

She'd probably complain to everyone how awful her life had been since I had been kidnapped, how she couldn't sleep, and how much she cried, and how thoughtless I was for not ringing her once since then.

@2020times in some ways yes, in others not so much

@Preoleai my gran was in her 80's and someone TRIED to mug her! She was 4' 9" and tiny/very slight frame. She used her automatic brolly which she pressed the button and caught them right in the solar plexus and winded them, before they could get their wind back she'd used the "hook" of the brolly to swipe their ankle landing them on their arse. Witnesses had called police and were detaining the perpetrator when they arrived to my gran giving them an earful of how ashamed their mother would be!

Graphista I’d have paid good money to see that!

My mum would immediately phone The Family.

The Family would pray for me. Mum might pray to St Antony (patron saint of finding things). Candles would be lit (not Irish, but Catholic). Mum would tell Dad, Dad would swear, Mum would tell Dad off for swearing.

The police would then be called DM and DDad would decamp to France, using their best holiday French. They would wholeheartedly support the efforts of the police. Dad wouldn't sleep, Mum would need a nap for the exhaustion.

Assuming I was rescued, Dad would unsuccessfully try to persuade mum to move to France. And we would visit many vineyards on the way home.

When I got home mum would get a celebratory Mass said. Prayers would be said for me, for any other victims and for the souls of the kidnappers.

Wed then have a massive family meal and all get drunk.

Everyone would say thank fuck that's over. Including mum. 😂

My mother would only answer the fourth time the ‘intimate’ traffickers called (just as they were wondering whether to call a neighbour to check on her).

She would reluctantly agree to speak to me and spend the first few minutes sneering at their poor (French) grammar and ‘rough’ accents.

She would say that she knew exactly how I felt (before I’d had a chance to explain the situation), as someone had given her a funny look in the post office in 1978, although that wasn’t as bad as the time someone had taken my brother’s parking space - which is why he can only ring her occasionally, for five minutes at a time and hasn’t visited in a year.

She would love to help, but she was just going for a lie-down as she has a migraine/hay fever/sore back and would hate to pass it on.

But DH would need to drop in on his way home from work to sort out Netflix (signed in on my account) and no, it can’t really wait until tomorrow.

If I called DF in his nursing home, he would be on his way as fast as his Zimmer could carry him, although he’d have to be reminded every 90 seconds where he was going and why (bloody Alzheimer’s) and sure it'll be grand, even though he doesn’t speak French, isn’t France a Catholic country, like Ireland...

That was cathartic, bit of gallows humour goes a long way - thanks OP!

Forgot that my mum would probably complain that the kidnappers never called, but would put them on wait to answer some random or the door, and wouldn't ring them even though the kidnappers gave her a burner phone number to call them.

I’d have paid good money to see that!

So would I