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Original poster

Wedding reception plans we can't agree

34 replies

Purplesndteal · 29/05/2020 15:38

If you've my previous threads you've I was pretty happy with the idea of our home reception. Partner has decided he's not really happy with that it can get awkward as the hours pass. We're talking about 9 guests total, 2 mine 7 his. Our families won't have met until.rhst day and there's a potential language barrier. We both think being at home it doesn't have a set time to be over.

So we're back to either a restaurant or a function room in a hotel. I'm not really happy with either (I think the hotel could remind me that in an ideal world I'd like a normal traditional wedding, but we don't have enough close friends to justify the cost) . A restaurant seems very soulless to me. Neither of us want a social club/ village hall.

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 29/05/2020 15:40

A private room in a restaurant?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/05/2020 15:41

I really wouldn’t do a function room, either at home or a meal. I don’t think a restaurant is soulless at all and if you are worried about the lack of numbers or mingling amongst people it helps because the meal is the focal point.
If you want to have it at home then I’d say a good sign for everyone to bugger off is tea/ coffee and cake a couple of hrs after people arrive.

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 29/05/2020 15:47

Yes I think the restaurant is a good idea because it's s distraction in itself. I do want it to seem special without it being tacky. Both our mothers are difficult with food which makes things even harder! There's s lovely coffee place down the road but I don't think it's licensed. I also thought of the cafe at the local museum

OP posts:

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Weddings
GemmeFatale · 29/05/2020 15:56

What does a normal traditional wedding mean to you? I wonder if we could suggest something appropriate for a small group that might give you some of that feel

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 29/05/2020 16:01

Well first of all my nearest and dearest but most of them live across the pond and wouldn't come (apart from maybe 1). There's a few people I could invite who are my virtual friends.

Apart from that... Nice atmosphere for the ceremony , nice decorations. A DJ, an open bar... A string quartet for the welcome drinks (with lovely canapes)

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 29/05/2020 16:03

Is there a reason you’re not having the wedding you’d want? Is it corona virus or something else?

A small private room in a nice restaurant would be lovely

Aquamarine1029 · 29/05/2020 16:05

If I were in your position, I think I would opt for a private room in a really lovely restaurant. It will massively ease your burden of dealing with food, drink, etc, and I do think having it at home could get a bit awkward because there's no real "end time." Would you really want everyone hanging about for hours on end?

DonLewis · 29/05/2020 16:06

There are some really lovely intimate wedding venues nowadays and you can get caterers in to do exactly what you'd like food wise. What's your budget?

maxelly · 29/05/2020 16:12

I remember your other threads, it does all seem a bit fraught Flowers. I don't think you only having a few guests means it all has to be very low-key and un-wedding-y, if anything the fact there will only be a few of you means you can spend more per head and make it really special, so long as you don't spend more than you can afford of course.

I think I'd explore the option as others have said of a private room at a restaurant or a (small) function room at a nice hotel. So long as the room isn't too big for the number of guests it will feel lovely and intimate, you can decorate it nicely, usually if you book a private room (and pay a bit over the odds, it is a wedding after all), the chef can tailor a menu to suit your particular guests. You could make it an afternoon tea rather than a dinner/wedding breakfast if you'd prefer it a bit less formal.

If you want a string quartet and canapes on arrival, why not do that? Who cares if there are only a few of you, the size of the audience doesn't make a difference to how nice the music is? If cost is an issue, often young musicians who have formed practice quartets/trios/bands at local music schools will come and play at events for a much smaller fee than adult professionals (do make sure you pay them something though, CFs will ask for this kind of thing for free). Canapes needn't be expensive (and as above, could form part of a particularly lavish afternoon tea with champagne)... as you'll only have a few guests, open bar seems do-able unless anyone is a massively heavy drinker. You are presumably only planning to get married once, don't let family stresses and trying to keep everyone happy make you compromise on what makes you happy

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 29/05/2020 16:59

I think our budget is the issue...we do have the money to have up to a £7.5k wedding BUT I'd rather go to Disneyland/Florida as a family.

The reason why I'm not having the wedding I want is that it seems like silly amounts of money to spend on 15 people! But most importantly that we can't have my friends and extended here so that makes me in itself quite sad.

That's why we decided on something that would get us married and that we both would be happy with for about a grand. Ceremony is almost £500 though.

OP posts:
BoomyBooms · 29/05/2020 17:57

I had a wedding reception with same amount of people in a private dining room at a fancy hotel restaurant. We had delicious food and wine and then DH and I stayed overnight. We snuck a mezze dinner and wine into our hotel room in a suitcase, because we're classy like that. It was really intimate and special, better than having it at home because I could just enjoy myself without having to think about hosting or cleaning up afterwards!

BigRedBoat · 29/05/2020 17:58

It's a bit weather dependent but could you go for a nice picnic after the ceremony? Or if you need to be indoors a private room in a restaurant/tea rooms could be nice.

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 29/05/2020 18:21

It's April. Weather will be unpredictable, when isn't though??

OP posts:
DonLewis · 29/05/2020 18:52

Why is the ceremony that much??

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/05/2020 18:54

Having read both your threads op I think you and your other half are way over thinking it. Do whatever you want and stop worrying about expectations and people mingling etc

heartsonacake · 29/05/2020 18:59

I think our budget is the issue...we do have the money to have up to a £7.5k wedding BUT I'd rather go to Disneyland/Florida as a family.

Do you mean Walt Disney World in Florida? Because Disneyland Paris is a different ball game to Walt Disney World.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 29/05/2020 19:03

I’ve got my eye on a lovely coffee shop which does a really posh afternoon tea. They have various rooms for different sized parties and a little courtyard garden in case the weather is nice. That way it’s a bit formal and out of the ordinary but can be a daytime affair, rather than dragging on! Also with lots of variety in the food, the mums can swap anything they don’t like with others if they’re willing!

riotlady · 29/05/2020 20:08

@DonLewis it costs £550 to get married in a CoE church

GemmeFatale · 29/05/2020 20:49

Is the church vital? Would you consider a registry office instead if budget is a priority?

DonLewis · 29/05/2020 20:51

Ah, I didn't even consider a church for some reason! That makes sense then!

BacklashStarts · 29/05/2020 20:55

You’ll have just shy of £100 per person in your budget? Or does the remaining £500 inc. dress, suit, flowers etc?

I haven’t read your other thread but I wouldn’t worry about mingling etc, they’re adults. Surely they can summon up some small talk - they’ll have the wedding to discuss if nothing else!

If you want to keep it time bound and cheaper I would say ‘we’re not having a reception but we will he having a glass of fizz/a cocktail at X bar immediately afterwards’

Then use the rest of the budget on a posh meal for you and you dh - it’s your big day!!

BacklashStarts · 29/05/2020 21:08

OP I have just had a flick through your other wedding threads. My reflection is this: you were so excited for your band theme bash, you were ok with hosting a larger crowd at home but really your threads have gone from totally excited to sad and trying to do it as small as possible.

Are you sure you’re doing what you want? Has someone been being ‘sensible’ in your ear and talked you out of everything that was making this special for you?

Original poster
Purplesndteal · 29/05/2020 23:05

£500 Is just a registry wedding BTW it's £350 for 15 guests but if we want our vows it's £150 on top, crazy I know!

I was very much excited about my indie/concert wedding but most of the guesys were "fillers" and why it felt so wrong to spend money on them.

£500 is just for the meal. The wedding is off unfortunately, I just found found him sexting someone.

OP posts:
DonLewis · 29/05/2020 23:20

Oh shit. You poor thing. Flowers

Weenurse · 29/05/2020 23:23

I am so sorry💐