Hi everyone
I'm aware that I could be sticking my oare in and worrying about something that shouldn't concern me but I'm unsure on what to do.
So, my best friend has been in a relationship for 2 years. She had doubts in the beginning as he would never tell her that he loved her and she usually wouldn't stick around with someone like that. Because she was sticking around when she usually wouldn't she was worrying she was convincing herself that she loves him because she wants to settle down so badly. This was around 6 months into her relationship. She asked for my opinion so I told her that I personally wouldn't want that in my marriage and I would doubt the other person loved me and the fact that she's having doubts so early on about her intentions of genuinely loving him are a red flag to me but she's an adult she needs to do what she thinks is right.
She is desperate to settle down, have children and get married. She has said numerous times she feels like all her friends are having babies and getting married so I've always worried since she's told me that she could be convincing herself, perhaps she is?
He moved in with her around 6 weeks into their relationship. He moved out of somewhere he rented as the landlord wanted to sell up so she moved him in with her. He never paid any bills at all and never contributed to anything. This was a lovely 2 bed cottage in a lovely village that she absolutely loved and he convinced her to move out with him into a house share with one of his friends so they could save money to buy a place together. She said yes. She's taken him away on 3 holidays since they've been together and she's paid for everything.
So, she told me a few weeks ago that they are almost at their savings goal for their house and I was so pleased and excited for them but she told me that he hasn't actually put a penny in their savings account as he's not really in a financial place to do so. She said all the money that has been saved is from her and the mortgage will be in her name (I'm relieved) and he will be added eventually when he can afford to contribute. Although I think that's weird how he was the one who suggested to move out somewhere to save and he hasn't saved a penny I've tried supporting her anyway.
So, I asked the question. So if you are buying a house together soon does that mean he's finally said the L word? And she told me he still hasn't said it. She is the kind of person who needs to hear from people that she's loved. In all her past relationships she has cheated on all her partners because she felt insecure and unloved so would look for attention elsewhere. I'm so worried she's settling for the wrong guy and will eventually become unhappy. She's a very insecure girl and after 2 years he's still not said I love you I'm worried the feeling isn't mutual and her heart will be broken.
What do i do? She knows I don't agree with it and I think it's weird and she always tries to justify it. I think she knows it's not right but constantly says "I know he loves me from his actions" I do definitely agree with that saying but how long into their relationship is she going to wait for him to say it? And actually pay for something?
I don't want to interfere but I'm really worried. Shall I tell her? Or shall I just let her crack on and if it all falls apart be there for her? Or do I be honest in case it goes too far and my opinion could help her? She lives 5 hours away from her family and I'm worried that because her family don't see her relationship often that she won't be having anyone look out for her to tell her that something isn't right.
I don't want to cross any friendship boundaries!
Help!