Nursery and Covid - WWYD?

[Monkeynuts18]

My son is due to start at nursery next month and I’m supposed to be returning to work after maternity leave. He is supposed to be starting the day after his first birthday.

For obvious reasons he hasn’t been held by anyone except me or his dad since March. He’s suffering quite badly from separation anxiety at the moment which I understand is a normal phase.

The nursery have emailed through their new Covid protocols. One of the new rules they’re implementing is that no parents will be allowed in the building. You will be greeted at the door by a member of staff who will be wearing a mask, and they will take your child from you. It’s unclear from the email whether they’ll be wearing masks inside.

Like I say my son has barely seen anyone except me or his father for 3 months - let alone been held by anyone else. I think that being handed over to a masked stranger and takin inside a strange building one morning will cause him massive distress and I’m worried the trauma could affect him long term.

I have to go back to work but I can work from home. However, now the nurseries are open, my work have made it clear they expect staff to have childcare in place.

Is anyone else in this position? What would you do in my shoes? Advice gratefully received.

I work in a nursery and we will not be wearing masks inside when we are caring for the children
I suggest you ring the nursery and talk through your worries with the manager
It won’t be easy for you, it never is when your child first starts
I know I would go over and above to try and reassure you at this stage
It’s all new for the staff too, remember
You’re not the only one feeling anxious
It’s perfectly natural

I work in a nursery, staff will not be wearing masks. We aren't allowing parents in to the building though, hand overs are to be carried out at the door with as little contact as possible. I completely understand how unsettling this could be, but i'm not sure what can be done about it unfortunately. I think it's going to be 'the norm' for a a long time.

Talk to them- the last thing they want is an over stressed baby. Maybe you can do a (distanced) settling in outside for example.

Do you have a mask or face covering you could put on yourself op. To show him what someone will look like with one on?

It will be fine. Most children cry when they start nursery - it’s no different if they are handed over in a room or at the door. Within a few days most will have settled and won’t have an issue. You won’t be causing long term trauma to a 10 month old! I don’t know of any nurseries where the staff will be wearing masks inside.

When I was a nursery nurse, almost all the babies cried for about 5 minutes at drop off, then quickly settled only to cry at the end of the day.
I surmise babies just don't like transition but the upset is very fleeting and would happen if you do handover on the doorstep or inside, wearing a mask or not.
Honestly it is the briefest upset try not to worry, the nursery staff know how to do their job

I wouldn't worry about long-term trauma. In reality, the settling in will be just the same as before. You are just handing over in a different place. They won't be wearing masks with the children so it'll be a few seconds of masked stranger at most. There will probably be tears, but that would be the case regardless.

They were doing socially distanced handovers before the nurseries closed.

I'm not due back as soon as you are but we've decided that I'm going to take at least another year off work. DS is due to start nursery in September at 7 months and DD will be starting reception.

If we keep up social distancing til September the only people DS will have had contact with since he was 5 weeks old will have been our household. It'll be a struggle living off just DHs wage but it's one we've decided we're going to suck up for the time being.

Not surprised that you're worried. No ideas of helping but a massive handhold and my sympathies.

Thanks for your replies and thanks for the reassurance on the masks inside. I thought that seemed unlikely.

I have actually exchanged emails with them and their position is that this is their policy, whether your child is a new starter or not, but the rules may be relaxed in a few weeks.
I’d be fine with these measures if my child was, say, 3 and had been to nursery before. But as I’ve said, he’s not yet one and has never been away from his parents.

However a friend has her child enrolled in a small nursery and their policy is that parents of new starters are welcome to come into the building and settle their children in (maintaining a 2m distance from staff), but the parent and child are asked to arrive 30 minutes before the start of the nursery day and the parent has to leave the building before any other children arrive. That seems like a sensible, child-centred solution to me and I’d be happy with that. Unfortunately (and possibly unsurprisingly) that nursery has no space.

I don’t think we can say for sure that it won’t cause him any trauma. Noone’s ever done an experiment where a child is only held by their parents for 3 months and is then handed to a masked stranger outside a strange building one morning. Frankly I doubt medical ethics would permit that experiment to take place.

Will he get settling in sessions? Not as normal obviously but very short period in the nursery initially?

Can either you delay your return to work or your dh take time off? U til restrictions ease and a more gradual introduction to nursery a can be achieved?

I know how difficult it can be when a child starts nursery but I expect there will be many children of all ages who have hardly seen anyone in months also starting or restarting. All of them could do with having someone go in to help them settle but won’t be able to. My three year old isn’t going back because she would be screaming and upset whereas my 12 month old would be quite happy about it.

I wouldn't do that, not under normal circumstances & certainly not now. For most of his life he's only seen you and DH. Just handing him
Over in the doorstep with no settling in at all really doesn't seem like a good idea. As you say, fine if they've been before, but not as a new starter.

Are you on the waiting list for the other nursery? I would be.

Tell your employer you need to WFH for now, but will settle DS into nursery as soon as an appropriate place is available.

Anyway, if you CAN work from
Home you should...and you can, so ...

Thanks for your replies.

I have got him on the waiting list for the other nursery. But it’s a long waiting list. They’ve apparently had lots of enquiries from parents of new starters with the same concern as me, so I’m obviously not alone!

I have enough annual leave to take off until the end of July and DH could take off until mid-August. But of course we have no idea how long these measures will be in place.

Also I feel that if this is the nursery’s idea of child-centred care I’m not sure I still want my son to go there in any event. The other nursery has managed to come up with a sensible solution that balances the risk of the virus with the children’s emotional and mental wellbeing. It’s not that difficult.

I do think it’s different with older children. A 3 year old might be upset but at least you can explain to a 3 year old what’s happening and why. A one year old can’t understand what’s going on. It’s the difference between being upset and traumatised.

I could resign and try to find another job in a year but I think I will find it extremely difficult trying to find a job in my field in a recession after two years out of the workplace. I work in a continually developing field and I’ve already had a year out.

I suppose the other option is a nanny but that’s out of our financial reach.

PS. I will be working from home, that’s not in question. I mean that my employer has made clear that it expects any employee who can send their child to nursery or school to do so.

Childminder?

I work in a nursery and we are not starting new children’s at all at the moment. We would normally have settling in sessions with sorbet and child, parent and key person meeting to aid settling in etc. We do it this way because it is important so we are not prepared to compromise on this. I understand others doing it though as they need the income

Have you told the nursery about how the other nursery is managing it? I used to work in nurseries and I wouldn't be comfortable settling in my son with a doorstep hand off.

@twinnywinny14

Yes. I actually spoke to another nursery yesterday who were taking that approach. They said in their view the settling in process is vital for new starters’ long term wellbeing, so they either settle them in properly or not at all. I can absolutely see the sense in that.

I would actually be in a less difficult position if my nursery was taking that approach because I could simply show the email to my employer and explain that I don’t yet have childcare so will be WFH with my son!

I know it's not the same because we did see lots of other people when my DS was little but before he went into nursery at 13 months noone had looked after him on his own, not even for 10 minutes (weren't being precious, just didn't get any offers!) and he settled really well. He is quite a laid back baby though.

Like PP, we live really rurally with no local family and moved to the area when DS was two weeks old. He will have seen other people out and about but I don't think he was ever really held by anyone else. He was ebf so I was always around, didn't spend any time apart from him really. Started childcare when he was about 12 months. The settling in wasn't so much to do with me being there with him (I wasn't after the initial time I had looked round) but the length of time he was left. So only an hour at first and then building up.
I shared lots of your worries, he had never been looked after by anyone but me and really his world was our household. He cried and broke my heart the first few times then settled and I know he always had a good time, tears or no.
However I really trusted his childcare. I had originally thought he would go somewhere else but for no reason I can explain didn't feel it was right and cancelled his place.
So in short - I wouldn't worry about his age/lack of contact and starting nursery, or the masks or any of that, really. It's a strange step for most babies and children whatever their age.
If you have lost trust in the nursery that's a different matter and a hard place to come back from unless you are able to be reassured somehow.

Hi

Just wanted to update the thread. At the suggestion of @MsChatterbox I told our chosen nursery how the other nurseries are handling the problem (out of hours settling in or not taking new starters). They then sent out an email on Friday afternoon saying that after considering feedback from parents, they are happy to facilitate outdoor settling in by appointment as needed, both for new starters and returning children. Parents aren’t allowed in the building as there isn’t space to maintain a 2m distance but they are welcome to come and spend as long as they like with their children in the nursery’s outside space. There will be no handing babies over to masked staff members - the masks will only be used when checking the temperatures of children who are old enough to understand what’s going on.

This seems like a good solution and I’m much happier with this than handing him to a masked stranger and walking off! I’m still a bit concerned that was their idea of child-centred care but I suppose everyone is learning and making it up as they go along. This are unprecedented times, as they say!

Thanks for all your replies.