DS (12) just told me to “calm down“

[Rollergirl11]

He did it in that really condescending way that men do to suggest that you’re unhinged. I absolutely hate this. I explained “calmly” to him that it’s really belittling to say that in that way, especially to women. Where has he learnt this though? DH doesn’t talk like this. I don’t want to bring up a son who thinks women are beneath him. I think DS thought I was overreacting. Am I?

My 6 year old did this the other day.I didnt know whether to laugh or be

It could have been worse, he could have told you to “take a chill pill” I remember using that one on an uncle, luckily I was out of his reach.

He did it to make you blow so that you are then to blame for being a mega bitch who screams and shouts, not him for, well, being a disrespectful child.

DS did this to me once, about the same age. I said "OK" and went and had a 2 hour bath with ridiculous hippy music playing (love spotify) and a 'relaxing' candle. I then refused to drive him to the cinema because "Hey man, I'm so chilled, I can't face all the stress and hassle mannnnn" and carried on being annoying all day. He hasn't tried it again.

He's a cheeky so and so but I think this is a teen thing, not a sexist thing.

Its a teenager thing, by this age he'll know exactly how to get under your skin and kids that age treat winding up their parents as sport. Trust me, been there, got the grey hairs!

Unfortunately it gets worse before it gets better, learn how to pick your battles and grey rock or you'll end up losing your marbles.

fuckinghell that is ace 😂

It's rude and condescending so you should definitely pull him up about it. It's not a bad thing to get him to understand that men saying it to women are often being sexist, he might not have realised.

• When I worked at Community Law, the first thing we were told in our first training session was to excise the phrase, 'calm down', from our vocabulary, because it acts like a red rag to a bull.

It is also banned in our house for the same reason.*

Here in Psychiatry too. Imagine telling a patient to calm down?!

I don’t think many people say calm down to actually get the other person to calm down.

I find it’s either said in a teenagerish sulky tone meaning ‘stop nagging me’ or it means ‘I’ve reached the limit of my patience with you, shut up and let me think about how to actually solve the problem’ or its a sexist ‘I know better clam down little woman’ comment.
With me I’ve out grown the first (mostly) and I would most likely mean the second if I were to say it at all.
DS likely just means the first.