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To think I'm really boring compared to most.

43 replies

Poppypopsx · 27/05/2020 07:41

I don't know of it's because I have young kids. But I feel like I am actually really boring on paper. I'm not saying I feel bored. Usually when not locked down I'm doing school runs (1 mile each way) or seeing friends/family. Cooking or cleaning (boring) I go on holiday once a year. We do stuff with the kids at the weekend and that's about it. We can't go out often without the kids. We get an opportunity maybe once a year.

Anyhow I'm just feeling (it could be social media) that I'm a really uniteresting person now. Firstly I feel like everyone works out. Am I lazy because I just do long walks? I just don't have the desire with young kids about to do regular work outs. I've just watched sas celebrity who dares wins. I follow a couple of the staff on Instagram. Put a comment on about the show. Personal trainers started sending me requests. I accepted one and followed back. Then they unfollowed me. I bet they looked at my page and thought more chance of spotting a donut on her Instagram than a work out (haha) seriously though everyone is working out. It instantly makes them more interesting? So many people making work out videos and they look amazing. Maybe when Both kids are at school I could do it!

I feel ashamed to put I don't have any hobbies. But it's true. I like reading but have not read since having the kids. I can't bake. Although I've not massively tried. I wish I could decorate cakes and do amazing icing but I've never massively thought about it. Again amazing fancy cakes were not massively a thing when I was a kid. My friends had supermarket cakes like I did.

I can't make see, crochet, knit, paint or draw. I can't sing or play an instrument.

I'm just curious. What do you do that's interesting and talented. Also do you work out? I think i am just in a stage of life that's full on with the kids.

Is there any suggestions that I could try doing around the kids? I want to become less boring. I don't currently work as partner earns enough. I'll work when the toddler is at school.

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
oooompa · 27/05/2020 08:40

You sound pretty much like me. I do exercise, but only because I'm overweight and am doing it to help lose the weight. It's certainly not instagram worthy as its a very slow 20 minute jog after which I look like a tomato 😳

I'm waiting till the youngest goes to school before I try and find a hobby so I have child free time to concentrate on it. Right now my hobby seems to be picking up random toys and reading Thats Not My Lamb 10 million times a day.

HorsesDoovers · 27/05/2020 08:41

I only found hobbies as my children got older and I had more time on my hands as they became more independent. If you'd told me to get a hobby when they were little I'd have told you where to go!Grin
I think you'll find there's an awful lot of us out there living pleasantly dull loves and are quite content. Its taken me a while to be happy with my life but I'm there now, I have stopped comparing myself to others and found peace with how I want to live my life. Be kind to yourself OP, you only get one life, no point worrying that its not good enough.Thanks

MsTSwift · 27/05/2020 08:49

Also your mindset changes as kids get older. Once they late primary/ secondary they have their own lives and need you much less. Have seen my friendship group blossom and do loads of new stuff once those intense early years over.

AliasGrape · 27/05/2020 08:50

I’d far rather follow you than someone posting about their workouts - nothing more tedious!

Do you have a partner? Is there any reason why they can’t give you 30 mins to yourself twice a week? Not necessarily to work out but for whatever you felt like doing? Do they get 30 mins to themselves? I’d bet they do.

Love51 · 27/05/2020 09:42

It's perfectly possible to exercise with a 5 year old in the room. 2 year old might be harder (it wasn't long ago but I've forgotten already!) I get up in the morning and do my workout, usually my son comes downstairs before I've finished. He sits on the sofa til I've finished, then I make him breakfast. Pre lockdown we had an arrangement that I'd do mine then he'd do his (cosmic kids yoga. He now also enjoys supermovers). I don't think it makes me more interesting, just fitter!
When I had 2 small ones I'd tag team with DH.

Waiting1987 · 27/05/2020 11:05

Definitely possible to exercise with children that age. My children are the same age and I manage a home workout most days. They interrupt some day but I just go back to it afterwards. Lots of workouts that are 20 mins or less on YouTube.

EdWest · 28/05/2020 09:00

It just seems people have so much
spare time for this stuff. But I know I'm comparing myself to celebrities and ex military people mostly. You know how it is. Everyone on FB or Instagram has a matchy hinch home. A house in the country. A talent. Works out.

OP, you're asking 'am I boring?' and you have no time to yourself. Before lockdown, although you saw family & friends, you only got one chance a year to go out without the kids. Once a year?! We didn't go out much either when the DCs were pre-school; we had only one relative anywhere near but she never babysat even once, and friends all had their own kids. We managed to get out more than once a year but tbh we were too knackered most of the time. Were we boring? Are you? The question is, perhaps, boring to whom? To our kids? To each other? Nothing else much mattered back in those full-on days.

I remember hearing, when our eldest was about 2 & next was newborn, that one member of our NCT group had written a book. I was furious! - but when I calmed down a bit, I realised I was actually just envious. Our house was a typical frazzled working parents' semi-wreck and I could no more have written a book there than I could have grown an extra arm to help pick up toys quicker. Later, I asked myself what had to give, in those young children's lives, for her to write that book? I actually consoled myself with the thought that she must have neglected them in some way. But she was super-organised, plus maybe she just had family & friends or a partner with flexible hours who could help more.

So you absolutely have my sympathy but I can't help wondering a) why you have SO little time for yourself - could DP help with that? - and b) why you spend any of that precious time following celebs and superfit ex-military types on social media? I don't think it's helping your mood at all.

BogRollBOGOF · 28/05/2020 09:11

Young children leave very little time and energy to indulge yourself with your own interests.

We find babysitting hard to come by so as a couple, we only go out 2-3 times per year if that. Ours are 7-9 now so independence will come on the horizon in a few years, but then friends with younger children still won't be readily avaliable. As it is, in normal circumstances, most of my evenings are in mum-taxi mode so it's nice to stay in when I can and prefer a sedate evening out when I do go out without DH.

With reading, years of tiredness from pregancy and night feeds and just generally being alert for the needs of my DCs have shot my attention span. It is now practical to read more, but my head has lost the groove.

Being interesting is more than what you do, it's having an interest in the wider world around you and beyond your own experiences.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 28/05/2020 09:30

Being interesting is more than what you do, it's having an interest in the wider world around you and beyond your own experiences

So true.
With young dcs, it’s hard but often I found that they didn’t mind where they went so I look for places that I find interesting and take them there.
While pottering around at home, listen to radio, podcasts and audiobooks. These kind of things don’t take much effort but keep you informed and interesting.
Even down time on your phone can be spent looking at stuff that youre interested in.

Chillipeanuts · 28/05/2020 09:31

Said it yourself, it’s social media. Lots of fairy tales.

dayslikethese1 · 28/05/2020 09:37

Working out doesn't make someone interesting.

MrsTumbletap · 28/05/2020 09:52

As long as you are happy, that's all that matters. It sounds like you are.

But if you want to know what an outsiders perception of you may be, I would probably think you are boring yes, but I would never say it to your face.

I personally wouldn't have anything to talk to you about, I like to discuss travel, books, politics, work, feminism, films, recent holidays or things people have done.

I used to know a women that was married to one of DHs friends and I used to say 'how are you? What have you been up to' type conversations and she would say 'oh nothing', I used to really struggle to talk to her, she had nothing about her, no passions, no interests, no opinions. She always wanted to meet up and wanted to develop more of a friendship but I just couldn't. She was lovely and kind, but boring.

Valkadin · 28/05/2020 09:53

I don’t mind eating a bit of nice cake sometimes but things your listing are all about being some sort of domestic Goddess. Is that you? You need to find yourself.

Never look to others for hobbies and interests it has to come from yourself. I was a political activist for many years and have been in a few riots, not of my making I hasten to add. Lobbied MP’s, met national heads of trade unions. Climbed trees, almost fell off a mountain once, leapt off structures in to the sea, almost drowned, crashed motorbikes. Not once did I find fulfilment in anything domestic but I’m pointing out what I liked doing. I was a bit dangerous when younger. I’m in my early fifties now so tree climbing days are over. I climbed my last at forty.

My friend has an allotment, she is a great gardener it’s her thing, my sister is really good at restoring furniture, I’m incredibly good at a video game I play and teach others online. I also end up inadvertently giving advice on studying literature to some of the youngsters that I’m helping in the game. Currently helping a lad who is studying MacBeth and was hating it.

Find yourself and btw social media is complete bollocks.

Whatnow23 · 28/05/2020 17:14

I've name changed but I'm the OP.

@MrsTumbletap

You said you wouldn't say it to my face and then you did. Which made me laugh.

When you say you'd have nothing to talk to me about. I like films and books. I have two weeks away a year. I like makeup. I like walking in the woods. I like cooking different meals. I chat to my friends about all the things you say. Admittedly politics bore me but lately everyone's talking politics. I worked for ten years before the kids. Did 6 years in retail. 3 in pharmacy and a year of palliative care. In that time I was counter trained in the pharmacy and did my health and social care when I did home care. I took care of people with cystic fibrosis, cancer etc. I like talking about Holidays. I have a good sense of humour too. I like to laugh and not take life to seriously.

I just feel boring in comparison to others who seem to have so many different things going on.

I am not sure how I can have more child free days out without behaving irresponsibiliy and leaving them without an adult which I can't do.

I get time to myself. Partner takes them for walks and stuff. But I only have a bath or tidy up. Nothing exciting.

Whilst I said I am boring hobby and calender wise. I don't think I'm a boring full person to speak to over a cuppa lol.

EdWest · 30/05/2020 10:33

You know what, OP? This word 'boring' is beginning to get to me. You describe your life, very circumscribed by young children - as many people's are - and containing few things 'hobby and calendar-wise'. So you could say, I don't have much time to do anything other than looking after the children, housework & having a bath, does everyone get this with pre-school kids? But you seem to be judging yourself.

'Boring' is a very judgemental word; I'd hate to be thought of as boring. Quite rightly, you point out that you've done a variety of things in your life, you're light-hearted and not a boring person to talk to over a cuppa. So where does the 'boring' come in, then? Purely in the matter of hobbies. You don't work out, you don't play any musical instruments, you don't go anywhere, etc. And that's because of your current responsibilities to your children. OP, I wouldn't use the word 'boring'. Quite apart from the fact that it's very easy for anyone to feel inadequate when comparing themselves to celebrities and superfit people on Instagram - and I really strongly suggest you stop doing that - it's not true, is it? Boring means you bore others - and you don't.

You don't do much, but there's a very obvious reason why, that anyone with kids would understand in a heartbeat. So I'm left to conclude that this 'boringness' is an accusation directed at yourself, by yourself, that you're inviting Mumsnet to agree with. Essentially, you've said, "I'm boring, aren't I?" And when @MrsTumbletap said OK yeah you are, you come back with a laugh and hey, I'm not BORING boring, just hobby-wise. Well, OP, that's not in any way the meaning of boring. Boring is an interpersonal thing. To be boring, someone else has to be bored. I'd go further; I'd say the word has entered your consciousness solely by means of comparing yourself to completely different people - who don't actually know you - on social media. It has convinced you that you are a less than good or adequate person and that you are boring, even though no interpersonal relationship exists whatsoever for the word to draw relevance from.

Remember you took it personally when the personal trainers unfollowed you, and you imagined them looking at your Instagram and being bored by your unfit, do-nothing self. So, you may laugh this off and that's up to you, but I'd say, your social media habits are damaging your mental health. How else does a person who has done lots in her life, has got married and is now raising children, whose only lack is a lack of time to do much else (and that happens to everyone raising pre-school kids without help) and a lack of time or energy to make plans for the future - and who, above all, is not, in real life, boring - end up on Mumsnet asking people to agree with her that she's boring?

Stop judging yourself, OP. Raise your kids, have baths, make plans. You've got nothing to be ashamed of or to feel inadequate about, you're literally doing a good - unpaid - job. And when time for yourself starts coming back, please take full advantage of it. Get fitter, play piano, whatever, and ignore all the guilt-inducing crap that's out there in the media in a million and one subtle forms, that will tell you you're being selfish.

Howmanysleepsnow · 30/05/2020 11:31

This is why I don’t have social media. I don’t think anyone would be interested in photos of my kids/ house/ garden/ dog/ dinner/ day out in the countryside/ non-exotic holiday.

MadisonMontgomery · 30/05/2020 11:54

Honestly, I have a very dull life and I love it! I work, come home, walk dog, read, bake etc. Very peaceful, I would hate to be dashing around ‘doing things’.

MrsTumbletap · 06/06/2020 22:05

@Whatnow23 so OP you said in your first post you haven't read a book since your kids were born, then say 'I like reading'. Why can't you read a book it's been 5 years.

Remember you were the one that said you think you are 'really boring' and all the interesting things about your work are in the past. All you are saying you do now is bath the kids and cook dinner. I would find you boring, apologies if that makes you annoyed, but I would.

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