Splattered toilet bowl - how mad would you be?

[MsSlightyConfused]

So a couple of points first -

1. I am not the poo troll

1. This is semi tongue in cheek

Pre lockdown my bf inadvertently left my toilet bowl completely splattered. I mean, like, I’d never seen anything like this before other than in Trainspotting.

After I found it I sent a very polite txt (v unlike me I might add) pointing out that the bathrooms were all equipped with toilet cleaner, brushes and bathroom wipes and could he please clean up after himself in future. I didn’t want to embarrass him and make a big deal about it but clearly I needed to let him know. Thankfully my DCs weren’t home otherwise really they could have been traumatised.

He was apologetic and when asked wtf was going through his mind for him to have just left it he said “I just didn’t notice”. I asked him to please ‘just notice’ in future and it was left at that.

But tbh this is still kind of bugging me. Like, how can you possibly not notice?!!!! He managed to clean his arse with the wet wipes just fine, and managed to close the toilet lid. So how could he not notice??????

I really feel like I might never be able to have sex with him again.

Interested in how big a deal this would be to others.

@MsSlightyConfused

We’ve been together a couple of years now and he has always been an immaculate house guest. This is the first instance of this kind. The only thing it might be a sign of is a total lack of any social grace, which isn’t the first time I’ve thought might be the case.

Tell us more about the lack of social graces please.

@TerribleCustomerCervix only the sort of thing my Nana would notice. Table manners and the like. He is normally a very respectful and loving man.

@serenada thank you for the essay (mean it). Points noted

@TerribleCustomerCervix trust me, if he had been due back that day it would have been left for him! My 8 year old DS gets sent back to clean up his week mess!

wee

No it’s not acceptable, how could you not notice leaving a toilet in such a mess??

@glitterb that’s what I’m struggling with. There was more than one apology, on txt as I was working. But no grovelling and no explanation. I mean, surely from an otherwise normal person there would be an explanation?!

Hold the front page. Man has a poo! Yes he should have cleaned up after himself but you’re being ridiculous.

We all make mistakes
He’s probably very embarrassed if this isn’t a normal thing for him

Wet wipes clog up sewers and help form those fat berg things. Stop letting him use your wipes if he can't dispose of them responsibly.

You want him to grovel?

I've had to conclude people have different views about it. I would always clean the toilet even living alone but have had a male friend leave shit stains in my toilet and also been to female friends houses when they live alone and knew I was coming, and found shit stains in the bowl.

Also shared toilets with NHS staff at work for 20 years (who you'd hope would know better) and found toilets in similar states to porta-loos at festivals

@Rebelwithallthecause yes I hope that’s the case. Not that I want him to be embarrassed or feel bad, I just hope it’s a one off. Although the lack of logic in not noticing a great big mess makes that difficult to believe.

@BeingonFBdoesntmakeittrue no, I absolutely do not want him to grovel. But I would have at least offered a grovelling! Well, I mean it would have happened unless I was so drunk to have been comatose.

@MsSlightyConfused it is such an odd thing to do, is his own house tidy? I’m not sure what would go through his head! I would be mortified if someone had to clean my mess up!

Actually can’t believe you texted him about it. Ffs. Couldn’t you have just poured bleach round and forgot about it. You’ve really made a drama out of it haven’t you 😂

I wouldn't be surprised if you don't see him again as he will probably be mortified.

Tbh I'd not be able to look at him in the same way again anyway.

Maybe he’s one of those people that shut the lid before flushing so he didn’t see it and didn’t lift the lid to check?

@icansmellburningleaves @BeingonFBdoesntmakeittrue to be clear, this was not a regular skid mark. The entire bowl was covered in splatters. After flushing!

DH has left a little stain in the toilet before, fine no big deal I just bleach it. A big mess like that then yes I wouldn't be impressed. Perhaps he's been on his best behaviour and now true colours coming out.

You said he apologised more than once but didn't grovel or explain. That suggests that was what you wanted. What would grovelling look like when he'd already apologised more than once?

@Footywife are you for real?! A grown adult makes the most god awful mess in my bathroom, sees fit to leave it for me and you think I shouldn’t have said anything?! That right there is how to turn into a door mat.

I sent a very polite and gentle text. It literally said “there is cleaning items in every bathroom, could you pls clean up after yourself” with kisses.

@Glitterb and @krispycreme I do sometimes get the impression I (usually) get ‘best behaviour’. His house always looks immaculate but I don’t think his kids was encouraged to wash their hands and other stuff I can’t be bothered to mention.

I would assume tbh he was quite ill if he left the toilet in that state

As a one off I dont think ita a big deal, I highly doubt he meant to leave it like that. Like I said above he probably wasnt feeling that great.

Your child really shouldnt be traumatised by a shitty toilet. Its not like they dont themselves shit.

I think expecting him to grovel is ridiculous. Hes probably embarassed, hes given you multiple apologies but thats not enough for you?

If this happened multiple times I would think differently. But youve said hes usually very clean. Im sure I have probably forgotten to check the toilet once in my life and Id be moritified if this happened and someone wouldnt just forget about it.

Op its not being a doormat to not mention a one off.

I think it is disgusting when people do not clean up after they have used the toilet. When I was dating dh, I was pleased to find his toilet was immaculate. I could not contemplate dating/marrying someone who leaves a toilet dirty. There is no excuse, however many times you need to flush or wipe, you continue to do so until it is clean.

Even my dc leave the toilet clean and our youngest calls us if he requires help.

I had a colleague who complained about her partner leaving their toilet in a mess. I was in my late teens and knew even then I could not tolerate such a thing.

I also agree youve made a big drama out of this, I think you need to just let it go.