Teen DD - friendships suffering during lockdown

[Notcontent]

Just wondered if anyone else’s teen has had a similar experience.

My 14 year old dd has always found friendships a bit difficult - she really craves friendship and the company of her peers but she is a bit quirky (possible mild ASD) and she will never be the most popular girl in the class! But she has a group of friends at school and in normal times socialises with them at school as well as outside of school. But since the lockdown she feels like no one is making an effort to stay in touch with her. She herself has made an effort - including dropping off birthday presents to a couple of friends - but beyond some messaging no one is making an effort to FaceTime her or see her (since the slight relaxation of the rules). I think it’s the fact that while She is part of the “group” no one prioritises her (if that makes sense).

She is feeling a bit down about it. Fortunately she has a couple of friends outside of school that she is speaking to and seeking now in the park, but she has actually said she is not looking forward to going back to school as she feels like a bit of an outcast...

I've got a 13 y/o DS with ASD, won't use phone or e-mail so he's had no contact with anyone outside our family since lockdown started, quite happy though and doesn't appear to care. We have 5 pets and he just spends time with them and talking to us.

DD is 14 and has gone nocturnal, think many teens have done this. She is on loads of group chats but not met up with anyone now can meet one person. Told her about it, she messaged one person they couldn't do it (different village) and that was that. Doesn't appear to care much. Think she prefers being nocturnal.

I think it's really unprecedented times and children are coping in different ways and it doesn't mean people don't want to be her friend. Also some kids may have a vulnerable or shielding family member, might be wary of meeting up. Both mine I would say just got used to staying in and it's like they are hibernating, hard to explain but I'm sure they'll want to chat to other kids again when school is back.

You might be right Koalas. It is a weird time. I also keep reminding her that it’s ok not to have a huge number of friends.

I was the same, in a couple of groups but never a "key member" and nobody really noticed my absence.

A couple of friends kept me going. Glad your dd has that outside of school friends, that's so useful

My DD has also said she wouldn't want to meet her closest friend as she would want to hug her. She's also said lots of kids are meeting in large groups and she wouldn't do that as it's not allowed. She has said it's difficult to pick one friend when you're a group of 4. Though I think she also can't be bothered to wake up in the day and prefers being in her own world. She says loads of them are nocturnal and think they watch films and message at night.

I think it's better to have quality of friends than quantity though if you have quantity it affects you less if one goes.

Oh, OP. You could be describing me. I have HFA and am experiencing exactly what your daughter is currently.

I don't know what the answer is, just wanted to prepare you for the fact that there might not be a simple solution, it might always be an issue for her.

Have you read any books around aspergers in girls? Whether she is on the autistic spectrum or is just 'a bit quirky', the strategies, and just knowing she's not alone, might help.

Thanks to everyone for posting.

CommonFlirty - sorry you have experienced this. I should probably read up about it.

Interestingly, I have never had lots of friends either, but I think I am also more of an introvert and also have a more “stoic” approach to life, so it has never worried me that much.